Broken
by You May Call Me
Summary: Bella is broken after Edward leaves her. After seeing an old ally, she is forced to leave Forks. She gets changed into the thing she wanted most. But now that she finally is back home, will she forgive the people who hurt her most? AU.
1. Mate For A Mate

**This is my new story. I thought it would be a good idea to start with, it's different to my other fic, this seems darker to me. More angst-y, while Forgotten is more light-hearted (for the most part.) So, please enjoy and give me your opinion on it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Twilight.**

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_**Broken**_

**_Mate For a Mate_**

_**Bella, I don't want you to come with me" He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying...**_

"_**You ...don't...want me?"**_

The numbing pain in my heart set in again. It was the same time every night, it's always the same thing every night, commands my every thought, even if I think of unrelated things it always morphs into this unending nightmare. Every breath seems harder once the dream begins, slowly suffocating me. And yet despite all this self-harming pain that I go through, I still persist on the lie, I still try to believe that it wasn't real, that _he_ was right beside me as I slept humming that infatuating tune, the one he supposedly named after me,_ my_ lullaby. Despite my delusions, there was no escaping the reality; _He_ left me, No.. _**They**_ all left me and of them, not just the one I wanted the most but his whole family.

I try not to imagine the distractions he has, most of them start that other vampire who was pining for him, that Tanya woman. I don't know why I put myself through this pain, he said so himself that I was just an experiment, a distraction for him to think about while he was in Forks; I was probably just the latest in a long line of stupid little teen girls willing to give up everything they care about for someone to love them. The killer part is now _he_ is probably cuddling up to her by a fire in Alaska or wherever they are now.

I tried to get back to sleep, but I knew it would be no use; I would screech again, thinking of him, maybe this I might do something different but then I remember the pain isn't changing, isn't going anywhere. I kept rolling around my seemingly empty bed, naively craving for a cool chest to relax me and calm me down, a sweet hushed tone to calm my nerves.

Sighing, I was right. Trying to sleep was no use. Instead I just lied there on my bed shaking and shivering as I thought about the recurring nightmare, replaying it over and over again until the fateful scene of departure came. That part I ignored, just like I ignored reality.

Morning then suddenly lurched onto the night and light began to brighten up my dismal room. I scrambled around my bed, too warm under the quilt, it had a permanent place bawled at the bottom of my small bed that always seemed too big for one person. I glared at the ceiling.

Yes, this was a good place to look, it was save, no memories were attached to it, just the hues of grey eventually turning into white as the light of the morning sun hit it. It was a constant problem of mine, finding things that didn't remind me of _him_ and of _his sister. _Books and music were off limits now, every time I looked at a blurb of a book or the cover of a C-D album, memories of him recommending a certain book or band came and struck me with another flash of unbearable pain.

I destroyed all the clothes his sister made me wear and keep and also dismembered the stereo _they_ had giving me and installed into my truck, now it was dumped inside my closet, it had nowhere to go; it was like me- unwanted, lost, _Broken_..

As I thought of this I suddenly felt the concluding feeling of sorrow and guilt. Charlie had to go through this just as much, if not more, than I do. Seeing the growing bags under his eyes and the extra wrinkles appearing on his face, I can't help feel the cause of all this discomfort. Charlie had tried to calm me down before but now he just let's me wither in pain, known that it was no good trying to stop me.

Finally, and surprisingly the sun glared at me through the small window of my room, I stifled a gasp. So many memories were created with that window. Shards of light shone into my messy room, brightening it all up, showing me just how lazy I had been. The sun itself was a contrast to my oppressive mood.

As I stumbled from my bed and yanked the curtains shut, I cursed the sun for shining happily for once in this precipitation-loving town. Opening the yellow drapes, I peeked at my reflection in the glass, I was like death on legs, please forgive the irony.

My skin, which was already pale before, seemed to get three shades lighter, my eyes had deep purple bags underneath the seemingly grey lifeless circles, and none of my clothes seemed to fit anymore because of my lack of food consumption. I had stopped eating and had lost a scary amount of weight as even food reminded me of him, he used to watch while I worked in the kitchen, he used to help me chop things as he thought I'd hurt myself. I shook my head, stop it! Stop it right now, he didn't love you, stop thinking like he did.

I knew all this and knew it was probably killing Charlie more than I was suffering with the night-time horrors but I couldn't stop it, I couldn't help being this like this. I truly was the worst kind of monster…

I walked down the stairs slowly, not wanting to wake my father, and went into the kitchen to see what I could make him for breakfast and then not eat it with him. My gaze flittingly caught a sheet of white paper left on the mix-matched table in the middle of the kitchen. I walked over and peered at my father's messy scrawl of handwriting.

_B- _

_It's Saturday today, so I'm finally going to take up Harry on his offer of fishing. I'm letting you stay on your own for a couple of hours. You said that you'd be fine and I think you need time to, I don't know, be you._

_-Dad_

It was Saturday? I could have sworn it was Monday the last time I checked, so what do I do now? I knew I was not going to sit in the house mopping, I had decided during the night in between screams that I was not going to cry once more for…

I-I couldn't think his name. Not after everything, I was still broken. I would never be fixed, not by Charlie, not by Jess, not even by Jacob, despite all his trying.

No, Bella! A sudden angry voice yelled in my head. You have to get over yourself. You gave your heart to someone and they hurt you. That's all. So what? You lost your first love…_My only love,_ a small voice cut in, fighting the angry hurt side of me thought quietly. Neither voices sounded like me, were they like an angel and devil on each shoulder? Your only love? That's a lie, there are other fish in the sea. No_, Ed-.. He was the one._ The angel voice slipped up, nearly saying the forbidden word. Who? Devil voice asked. Who is your only love? The One?

Edward.

I broke down leaning on the table for support whilst I shed my endless tears. I was pathetic. I really couldn't even think about his name and stay standing without help, my heart hurt too much. The pain engulfed me when I did. I knew it was going to take a long time before I could heal.

As I played with my cereal and bowl I decided that I was going to the meadow. His meadow. It wasn't just a fleeting thought; but an idea that I had played around with for a while. I never proceeded with the idea but today, oh today I was starting my new look on things. Less- Depressive Bella was going to face her most terrifying fear.

Why would I face my most terrifying and soul-destroying fear? I was going to do it because it would give me closure, and I needed _a hell of a lot_ of closure. I grabbed a backpack, compass and map plus food, just in case I decided to try and eat something.

I sighed, why did I have to love him so much? This, everything, was his fault. I would have been content if I never met him, living my two year sentence out in Forks without knowing **him **would have been easier than finding love and then having it ripped from my chest with an incredible force. Bringing me onto the question of, why didn't he love me back? I guess I knew _why_, how can I, an insignificant little human compare to any vampire who would never age and is forever gorgeous. It never made sense that he loved me, why did I have to delude myself into thinking that he might actually did?

Growling as I fought back the tell-tale scoffs of breath, feeling the unshed tears mount in my eyes, I got in the car and drove the fastest I could, I remember when _he_ brought me here and I thought I knew I was going and got to the side of the road, and started walking.

It took half the morning to find it and I tripped over about several times, by the end of the journey, I was sure I was in need of a gauze and bandage on many parts of my body; I had no one to catch my when I fell now. I found it though, the meadow, that's all that matters, now I can pretend that everything was going to be okay.

The bird singing their incessant tune did not help me concentrate when I was trying to channel all my sorrow into forgiveness. Sighing, I stumbled passed the trees and pushing the bushes passed me, I fell into the opening of the beautiful meadow.

It took my eyes a while to adjust to the light and took my head a long time to comprehend the scene before me. Weeds and dead flowers everywhere around me, the once lushes emerald green grass had turned into straw and hay-like ground. No, this could be happening! What happened to the picturesque clearing? Where are all the exquisite smelling and looking flowers? Why is everything dead?

I yelped in pain when it all sunk in and grabbed my waist, holding the pain in. Everything is dead.. Just like my heart. Everything changed from magnificent beauties to repulsive abhorrence. Everything changed, except me.

A shadow-like silhouette passed me, obvious against the stillness of death in the meadow, but it was still too quick for me to process it properly, so I didn't think anything of it and went back to my mourning, thankful that I was alone and that I hadn't brought Jacob to watch me pathetically weep for something. I was pleased that I was alone.

_Alone.._

Suddenly, I heard a slow menacing hiss from behind me. A sound I had grown accustom to over the last year. The sound of an angry vampire. I gasped in horror and realization. A person was the shadow I slowly turned around and faced the person who hissed. Who was going to be my attacker now? Was it a Cullen? Or was it one of those Nomads that came to Forks not long ago?

"Hello, Bella," The heavily-accented voice growled, so familiar and brought great sorrow and relief to me at the same time. I turned around to look into the red eyes of an olive skinned, dark haired vampire.

An ally to me in the past, "Laurent?" I released the breath I was unknowingly holding, and muttered "Oh, thank God."

"I don't think God will help you now." He hissed, but sounded sorry for something. Red eyes, I was told he went to Alaska to discover more about the vegetarian diet. He must not have like the thought of animals over humans. I really looked into his eyes, everything inside my body turned at the sight of them, every instinct I had told me to run, to call for help, to get as far away from him as humanly possible.

"E-excuse me?" I squeaked out, "W-what do you mean?" I knew he smelt my fear, I saw but the small smirk on his face that was quickly covered up by concern, if it was genuine or not, I didn't know.

"She's coming…" It was barely a whisper but I knew what he said.

"Who is coming?" I breathed out, scared out of my wits. I was more frightened than I was in that ballet studio, I was more frightened than I was at my birthday. I knew the reason; the Cullen's were long gone and would never know about this while the other times, I knew that I would be saved.

"Bella, I have come to warn you that Victoria is coming." He stepped closer to me, which made me step further away, the deeply covered human instinct to survive kicked in, "Bella, I will not harm you, I owe the Cullen's that. You have my word." I shivered while he said their name. I wasn't used to someone's voice say it for so long.

Promises and having someone's word, doesn't mean squat to me anymore, "Where are the Cullen's?" He asked. I stopped breathing. What should I tell him? At that moment I wished for the angel and devil that occupied my mind earlier that day.

_Lie…_ a heavenly voice called out, it wasn't the angel's voice but one much more sacred to me. Was I hallucinating again, was my mind attacking my sore points again to make me survive?

What? What did the angel mean when he said lie? "Erm, they are… on a hunt." I said like a question. I knew that a third grader wouldn't believe my terrible white lies. So why was I trying it on a vampire who could hear my heart beat soar as I lied? A small voice answered, _because he told you to and you'd do anything for your Adonis.._

He just looked at me as if to say that he knew they left me, but he played along anyway. "Well, I think you should tell them to come back."

"Why?" I blurted out, I wished I retracted the question but continued anyway, "I mean; what does Victoria want with me?" It didn't compute with me. Why did that red-headed vampire want to hurt me so much?

"She wants revenge, a mate for a mate. She said it was only fair,_ your_ Edward took her James, Victoria will take you." He said ruefully. An eye for an eye, a Bella for a James… I cringed internally when Laurent said 'my Edward'. He wasn't mine now, he never was my property.

I froze. She wanted revenge, to do that she'd have to…

"Bella, do you want me to end it all now?" He stepped close to me again. I couldn't move away, I was still stuck in shock. Laurent came closer again, so close that he was able to take a few strands of my hair and smell them.

"What? NO! Why would I want that?" I broke away from my momentary shock. My spine tingling again for me to run away. That vampire asked me if I wanted to die by his hand. I couldn't let him kill me, what about Charlie?

He sighed against my hair, "Bella, if I killed you, it would be quick, painless, but if Victoria got her claws on you, it would be slow and it would feel like a thousand deaths."

I didn't know what death felt like, but I was sure I had a good idea. I opened my mouth and tried to say no again but nothing came out instead I breathed out and started again but more composed, "Thank-you, Laurent but I will be fine," I winced when I said the next word, "_Edward _will be home soon so-"

He cut me off, "Forgive me, Bella, but cut the bullshit. I know they left you, so does Victoria." He moved away from me, a safer distance for me.

"I will be okay, Laurent." I told him honestly, "I'm not scared of Victoria." _But I should be._ It was unspoken between us both. He knew what I meant, I would die if she came near me so why bother fighting it.

"Such a waste.." I heard him say.

"What does that mean?" I asked him.

He looked surprised that he said it aloud. "Just that maybe, if you weren't human maybe you would find Edward again.. I know why he left you, Bella, the Denali's like gossip." He smiled at this. Speaking of the Denali's shouldn't he be there? Drinking from so animal?

I nodded and said, "I also know why he left, there are better things to do than to look after humans, better distractions.." I choked out but tried to cover it as a cough. Though I'm sure Laurent didn't buy it.

He looked strangely at me. "What are you talking about?"

"The reason he left. I was a distraction." I whispered, covering my eyes with one of my hands as if to process everything. I just didn't want him to see the tears that were about to pour.

He sighed, "Bella, keep safe, she will be here soon. _Someday_ I hope to meet you again." After he said this, he left promptly. I opened my eyes again and let the tears fall freely down my cheeks. I was frightened but she can kill me- I had nothing to live for now. My heart left with the Cullen's, all that was here now was a lifeless body, a carcass of human flesh and bone. No soul, no meaning.

One thing was for certain: I would have to leave before Victoria came, I knew that.

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_**The wrting in Italic/Bold/Underline was an quote from Twilight**._

**Please review and tell me what you think! Was it good so far? Did you think Bella was angst-y enough?**

**~YMCM**


	2. Elk Rapids

**Here is the next chapter, please enjoy it!**

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**_Bella PoV_**

I was frightened, Victoria could kill me at anytime, if I went anywhere; she could be following. I'd have to look behind my back for the rest of my life. What was the point in that? I had nothing to live for now, I suppose I didn't have anything to live for before _Him_, why should I have to keep the promise he made me swear to; I was not to harm myself.. for Charlie's sake. Why should I keep my promise while _he_ leaves _me_ even after he promised me in Phoenix that he'd stay by my side. Why?

It wasn't like I was doing my father any good by staying. Stupidly, my heart left with the Cullen's, all that was here now was a lifeless body, a carcass of human flesh and bone. No soul, no meaning. I can only wait for my eternal death now; but will Victoria be the one to relieve me from this hell?

One thing was for certain: I would have to leave before Victoria came, like he said himself, for Charlie's sake. That's the only reason why I was still alive right now, I knew that.

I went straight home after that bad encounter, it was getting late and Charlie was going to be coming home. I went into the kitchen and started preparing Charlie's dinner; steak and potatoes, one of Charlie's favourite. I was going to be as... normal as I could for him, knowing that I didn't have long left, I would go through the mechanics of eating, school and life, for him. Everything I did now was for my father, the little time we had together now would be the only memory he'd have of me; I had to make them seem like I was 'happy'.

I knew that I would have to go somewhere different, but not Phoenix that would be the first place Renée and Charlie would look. I would want to go somewhere wet and cold; I'm too used to the damp and darkness now that I doubt I would be able to handle anywhere with the slightest bit of sun. Somewhere were that won't be too far away, gas is an issue. I would need to be somewhere that was like Forks but _wasn't_ Forks.

I walked upstairs, into my room and turned on the old computer. I had ten minutes to kill before it would even have loaded up. I heard the front door open, though I knew it was probably my father, I still froze in a frightening anticipation.

"Bells, You there?" A voice called up stairs. The relief flooded me as I heard his voice. Was this going to be my life? Freezing as soon as I hear a creak of a door or see a shadow in the street? I hope Victoria won't wait long in killing me. It still surprised me how lightly I took my death, maybe this was because of all the near-death experience I had been through. A memory sank into my sight.

_**Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.**_

How true my past words were, but this time, there was no shadow of a doubt that my heart will stop when this hunt begins.

"Hi, Dad!" I said a bit too cheerfully, despite my depressive thoughts. "Were the fish biting today?" I was trying to sound like the old Bella, the one that wasn't normally in a comatose, the one that read and spoke and _ate._

"Nah, I didn't catch any but we have plenty from last time, right?" He sounded surprised that I was the initiator of the conversation; he usually had to force one word answers out of me. Answer direct questions with mumbles and no eye contact was how I rolled now.

"Yeah, I think so." I bounced downstairs, for once not hauling myself after every step.

He eyed me up, that had been the longest conversation we had in a long time, "Are you alright, Bells?" He asked seriously.

"Yeah, Dad, I feel.." I smiled not knowing if I could lie for much longer. The smile was for good measure, he knew I was a terrible actress but surprisingly he looked shocked. It worked! That was a big relief knowing that he could stop worrying about me going into a coma anymore. Maybe if I could stay awake that night, he could actually sleep for once. He actually was in a state of shock so I curled my lips up in a positive way once more, when I did this I could nearly hear the wheels turn in his head.

I really felt bad for him; I had been an awful daughter over the last six months. The guilt could kill me, excuse the awful pun.

"Alright then." He said uncertainly, shaking his head.

"So," I awkwardly clapped my hand together. "What do you want to drink? Vitamin R?"

"Anything, Bells." He sighed then eyed up for a second, looking nervous and then spoke whatever was on his mind, "It's nice to see you happy again.." I froze momentarily as I opened the refrigerator to get the beer can, lightly shaking my head; I chanted '_this is for him'_ in my head. I closed the refrigerator door and smiled, handing Charlie the can then headed into the kitchen once again and started cooking the food.

"So Bells, I was wondering.." Dad said too nonchalantly from the couch in the living room, facing the TV. Oh no, he wanted something.

"Yeah, Dad?" I said suspiciously as I start to set the table for dinner. I know it had been a while since I spoke to anyone other than Jake properly but I knew when my father was about to ask me for a favour.

"Me and Billy were talking the other day..." Charlie trailed his sentence off.

"No, I don't want to hear it." I said finally before he could continue. I paused with a fork in my hand in mid-air and spun around to look at his head.

"What?" He asked, "What did I say wrong?"

"Whenever you say something like 'me and Billy were talking..' I know it's going to be bad for me." I told him.

"C'mon, Bells." He turned around on the couch to look at me. I was going to glare at him but the look on his face reminded me that I might never see him again.

"What is it, Dad?" I asked him ridgidly, breaking the gaze his eyes had on me turning around to face the wall of the kitchen drying the tell-tale tears from my eyes and continued with setting the table.

"Well, the thing is, Jacob hasn't been doing anything recently, so Billy and me thought maybe that you and he'd like to, I don't know, chillax sometime or whatever you kids say."

My shoulders slumped as I sighed for what seemed to be the fifteenth time. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

_Because I'm leaving and I don't think I could continue facing you let alone my best friend._

"Just he and I had a fight." I quickly lied after stifling my breath as I thought that sad thought.

"Bella, you are a good person." He stated. "Whatever it is, you should talk about it to him. You may be gone tomorrow so don't let tings stay hostile between you. Are you sure it isn't about him being a bit younger than you?"

"No, but saying that.. He is a year and a half younger."

"So? I don't care if your friend is younger than you, Bella." He retorted. I was going to get nowhere on this subject.

_So Charlie wouldn't mind if I told him my __ex-__boyfriend was 109?_

"I know you don't care, Dad." I shook my head, "I just can't face him." It was the truth, after everything Jake has done for me, stitching up, ever so slightly, the huge hole left by.. Him, I couldn't face him before I left.

Charlie sighed after that, "Bella, don't set your mind on _Him_," He spat the name, "He left, they all did!"

"Dad, don't start with this!" I sighed as I plopped myself on one of the mix-and-match chairs. "I really don't feel up to a fighting match, I'm trying here, can't you just be relieve I'm trying?" I pleaded from him. Charlie and I never really had the sort of relationship where you'd speak about your emotions or feelings, we barely hugged, but I was comfortable with it that way.

"Bella, I am so grateful that you are trying, I don't even want to think what would happen if you weren't." He sighed, "Bella, when you left here set on going back to Phoenix, you really worried me, I was so worried and then.. When you were... lost in that forest in September, the same feeling of worry came..But it's back now."

I froze. Oh no. "W-what do you mean?"

"I don't know, Bella." He said, "Do you know why I feel this worry again?"

I opened my mouth to reply but the beeping sound of the phone rang, Charlie muttered something about answering it. I knew that our heart-to-heart was over. Much to my relief.

Gasping I ran upstairs and into my bedroom, I sank into the wooden desk chair and stared at the computer screen. Never before had I seen Charlie like that, he seemed to know what was going on but didn't have a clue really. It was hard to explain, he couldn't know what was going on, I mean, I didn't really know what I was doing right now. The only thing that was certain is that I was leaving. Did he know this somehow?

The computer had finished waking up from its slumber, I clicked exit to all the pop-ups and clicked on the internet, when Google came up, I searched for small towns in America after a short time, the only one that seemed to fit the bill was Elk Rapids, in Michigan! That's very ironic..

It would two days... That seems do-able...

Elk Rapids- my new home..

_**Alice PoV**_

I gasped as I came out of the vision. _No, Bella don't! _I thought_. How could she do this to us?_

Realization dawned on me, Edward must have saw my vision of Bella, I looked around the living room, trying to find him, of course I wouldn't find him, He would be upstairs locked away in his bedroom once again, I didn't hear any fits of rage upstairs, I tried to _see_ if Edward knew but of course, my visions wouldn't tell me.

I glanced at my husband to see if he was okay if I left, Jazz looked tired, if that was possible, he kept saying how sorry he was to Edward and as Edward was a nice brother he said that he didn't care because he was going to make them leave anyway.

**Liar.**

I knew Jasper didn't take any notion of my feeling of pure dread at that moment, my best-friend was planning on leaving me on the Earth without her, I fought back the dry sobs.

I ran upstairs to Edward's room, the houses were the same wherever we went and Esme had a style that she had perfected over many years.

"Edward?" I said quietly.

The door was locked and I had no intention of going in there with him depressed, I valued my life..

"Yes." His pained voice answered just as meekly.

"Are you-"

"I'm fine." He cut me off.

"Oh.. okay." I said, "Well tell me if you need anything.."

"Sure."

"Edward?" I asked, "Do you know what Jasper is thinking of right now?"

He opened his door, the sight I saw was heart-breaking, he was a mess, His usually light golden eyes were now pitch black and he was all over the place.

"No Alice, I'm sorry but I don't." That was the longest thing I heard him say in a long time, he closed the door in my face.

"Oh that's fine, Edward, just checking!" I tried to be cheery but it was hard to by happy when everyone, including yourself, are depressed.

Edward wasn't listening to our thoughts, he was too sad..

I was taken then, by a vision:

_Bella was standing on a cliff, she looked so peaceful as she stood by the edge. Did she find happiness or was she going to be relieved of something. At a second glance it looked like she was going to jump. Suddenly a red-haired woman stalked up behind Bella silently, the woman grabbed Bella, she started thrashing in the woman's arms. Once the red-head stilled her, she lowered her head to Bella's neck; sucking her dry. Bella let out a blood-curdling shriek as the beast of a vampire did this to her then the fire-haired woman threw Bella into the sea, waiting for impending doom..._

"NOO!!!" I cried; not fully realizing that I wasn't in the vision and that my husband was beside me. I fell sobbing to the floor.

"Ali!" Jasper sprinted upstairs to me and cradled me in his arms, "Alice, Darlin', tell me what happened? What was the vision?" I began to shiver and shake. I couldn't let it happen.

"Alice?" Edward came through his door, "Alice, what was it?"

I knew he would try and get into my head so I started thinking about the first thing that popped into my head; the Stock Market.

"Alice?" He warned, "What was it about? Was it.." He bit his lower lip, not wanting to say her name in case he broke down. I knew how he felt.

"No!" I tried to console him, well, _lie_. "It was about... Rose!" I thought quickly on the spot, a vision again formed in my head of Rosalie leaving the house in her BMW for a while, "Yes, Rose has to go away for awhile..."

"That's it, Darlin'?" Jasper asked me.

"Yes Jazz." I lied quietly, knowing that no one could find out about this terrible prediction as another vision of terror hit me, telling me that Bella Swan must be saved, not only for Edward but for my whole family and only one person could be the one to do it.

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**_Quote from New Moon in Italics/Bold._**

**Did you like it? I hope it was good. Please give me your thoughts and any suggestions you have.**

**~YMCM**


	3. Secrecy Sucks

**This is in Rosalie's PoV because I thought, you would want to know about Bella's drive to Elk Rapids- it actually a real place, I'm pleased with myself that I found it! This is an edited version. It's incredibly longer than it was once... Please enjoy.**

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**Secrecy Sucks**

_**Rosalie PoV**_

"WHAT?" I nearly screamed in Alice's ear, jumping up in the air. I knew that I had to stay quiet all through Alice's explanation, the others were home and I didn't want to worry them. Yes, Rosalie Hale can be considerate _sometimes_. Choke on that.

"Shh…" Alice shushed me down to an even more quiet tone, "_He'll_ hear you." Oh the Almighty _He_. I didn't give a shit of Edward heard me or not. Everything that had happened since the stupid human came to Forks was all Edward's fault. He loved her, her freaking stalked her, and then he just leaves her. What? Excuse me? For some time I didn't care what happened to the human, my only concern was that she could still easily tell people of our secret. But all those thoughts all changed when Alice breathed her previous words: "Bella needs you." At first, I scoffed at Alice's melodramatic phrase but once I saw her serious expression and her sombre tone, I sat down and listened to my sister's words.

That stupid Nomad bitch with the red hair - I didn't know her name, I didn't need to know it. She would always be 'that stupid bitch' – thought it would be okay to attack Edward's human. Let me tell you, it was not alright. As Carlisle said before, '_We protect our own._' Bella was a part of the Cullen family, unfortunately. Despite my utter annoyance of the girl, I knew what extent Edward would go to if Bella Swan was taken by that stupid bitch. He would go even more... Assward, if that was possible.

I blinked angrily a few times, "I don't care if Romeo hears me!" I huffed, "It would be his fault if that human dies."

"Rose.." She scolded, fury flying through her golden eyes, "'That human' is Edward's mate and my Best Friend. Do not speak of Bella like that."

"Fine," I huffed sitting down again, "I just don't see how this stupid plan of yours would work. And I still don't understand why I have to go and not you. Like you just said; she's your Best Friend." I rolled my eyes, blocking the hurt that Alice was closer to a human than she was to me, her sister.

"I can't leave Jasper and Edward here by themselves. Everything would go into a shambles, I have seen it. But it you go after Bella and try to protect her from Victoria," So that's the stupid bitch's name, "then everything will be fine and we... we can leave her alone again." She closed her eyes. I instantly knew the other reason why she wouldn't go to Bella. It would be too hard for her to leave her again. A small ache filled my dead heart.

"Ali.." I said, before my resolve set. This was the only thing Alice has ever asked of me and I should want to help Bella stay human as well. After all, Bella could have the life I wanted for me; she could have her children and watch generations of her kin grow up while she aged. She deserved that right and I was not going to prevent her life. I would help Bella as much as I could because Edward didn't deserve what life had thrown him and if his mate died, he would follow. I knew that, I couldn't imagine living on past Emmett. I felt my eyes harden, "Wait until I get that stupid _BITCH_." I fumed.

Alice instantaneously grinned, her gaze glazed over for a second, concern etched her pixie-like features, "Rosalie, you can get her all you want after you make sure Bella is safe."

I sighed, "I always thought Bella was safe because we left, I mean us being what we are caused all the pain in Bella's life."

Alice rubbed her forehead and exhaled, "But Victoria is still out there looking for her. Bella wouldn't be safe until Victoria is destroyed."

"This will be a good time to show that stupid bitch that the next time she hisses at me, it will be her last." I growled remembering the small stare-down the red-head and I had gotten into in the field the one time Edward brought Bella with him to play Baseball. Didn't that turn out so well.. I sighed for what seemed to be the umpteenth time, "What do I tell Emmett?"

Alice stood up from the couch, "You tell him that you went to shop or something, that way he definitely won't follow you and he'll know that you are safe." It wasn't a secret that Emmett _loathed_ shopping; Alice had only forced him to go with her when it was absolutely necessary. And the last time he did go shopping with her, he conjured up such a riot, Police were called unto the scene.

I smirked at the memory, "And why can't he come with me?"

This time Alice sighed, "Do I really need to explain?" I nodded, listening to one of her rants wasn't something I like to do but I thought that she needed to have an outlet for her fury. I knew Alice well enough to figure out that she was beginning to feel useless and inferior since she didn't have control of this inane situation. Like I said before, Rosalie Hale can be considerate... "A) He would slip up in his thoughts, B) He wouldn't be able to control his anger long enough to send Bella away and C) I need him here to make sure Edward doesn't go anywhere just in case you or I think about it around him, I still don't know if his paying attention to our thoughts or not yet."

I huffed out a breathe, "D) I need to make this up to her, I have to tell her that I don't hate her that I truly want her in my family.." ..Even if it were a lie.

"Exactly!" She smiled slightly, jumping around to face me and sat on the arm of the chair. She explained her vision a bit more, Alice thought Bella is near Elk Rapids in Michigan she told me of the cliff Bella was standing at. I stayed quiet most of Alice's brief only letting out a few scoffs and huffs during Alice's talk. My only question was why wasn't she in Forks?

Alice didn't know, she sighed, oddly quiet before she turned to me with the most devastating look in her eyes. Again, I knew what she needed. I grabbed her petite body into my arms and let her silently sob for a while; I held her voicing nothing but sweet nothing to calm her down. I couldn't promise her anything and she knew it, despite her visions.

After awhile she said, "Ready to go?" She brushed the small particles of dust of her designer jeans and stood up holding out her hand to me. As if I would take it..

I rolled my eyes and stood up beside her. "I'm ready. It's not like I'll need to pack anything, I don't plan on being there long. Are we going to tell Esme?" I questioned her, noticing the face she made.

"No, I don't think that's wise. Not that I could see what would happen but I _think_ she'd tell Edward. He's her favourite; she can't keep anything from her first son. You and I must be the only ones who know. We can't tell anyone, not Jasper or Emmett. Certainly not Carlisle."

I inhaled and exhaled slowly taking in her thoughts on the subject. "That's probably best. But this isn't going to be easy for you, you know? Secrecy sucks."

Alice nodded, "That it does, Rose. That it does." We slowly made our way up the stairs and across the first hall to Esme and Carlisle's room. Knocking the door Alice and I walked into the bedroom.

"Can I help you, girls?" Esme's smile was blinding. She at least was trying to act normally, but I didn't know if it was for our sake or her own. She was picking out different wallpaper for the new house. We were in such a rush to get out of Forks that we didn't have anything ready.

"Just wanting to talk to you, Esme." Alice smiled to the person we both saw as our mother.

"Of course," Said Esme, letting the wallpaper drops to the large desk with planning design on the top. We all moved over to sit on the bed and talked to each other for a good hour before we initiated the plan.

I flipped the strands of blonde hair over my shoulder and said, "So Alice, what is the designer you want me to go see called again?"

She sighed, nearly overdramatically, "Rosalie, I've told you so many times before. He is called Jean Gusto Marcella. Jean isn't a brand name and isn't well known yet but I just know he is going to be the next Gucci! There was this dress that I saw..." Alice had explained that this what part of her plan, she had boxes in my car that I was to bring in when I get back.

Esme just smiled as Alice went on about some stupid dress with some stupid neck-line. Jees, give us a freaking break, Psychic. I rolled my eyes before I tuned back into her description of this God awful monstrosity. "Yeah well, this stupid thing better be worth it, Alice. I swear to God if I'm going all the way to Paris for nothing, I'll ki-" Esme cut me off.

"Paris? Do you have to leave for Paris?" She asked me softly. I could nearly see where her mind was going to: Edward. Everything fucking thing is about Edward –I'm a depressed loner, my reason for existing will die soon- Cullen. Haven't I said before that _Everything. Is. His. Fault._

"Yeah, supposedly, Shortie can't leave the house without Jasper anymore. She said that she is busy doing sisterly things to Edward or something. I don't know." I shrugged, "So Alice here thought that since I have no free time that I could get some stupid ugly dress for her."

Alice gasped, "Rose is going on a mission for me because I can't go myself. Jasper still doesn't feel great, you see. I don't want to leave huim yet and everyone knows that if I went to Paris I would be a force to be reckoned with. The dress is an absolute work of art! Just because you prefer shoes and make-up to clothes, Rosalie, doesn't mean you have to be so harsh about it." She shook her head.

"Yeah, we get it. Clothing is your religion." I flipped her off.

Esme spoke then, "But so soon after.." Bella. Both of us knew what she would have said but were intensely glad that she didn't. I didn't want the reminder of Bella while she was racing towards her doom.

"Everything will be alright. Nothing will happen. I have foreseen this, a little trust.." Alice said with a pout. Everyone knew that when people didn't trust her gift she got antsy about it. Stupid insecure Alice.

"God damn it, Ali!" I whined, in my part.

"Rosalie, language." Esme said sternly before sighing. I saw the look in her eyes that she knew she wouldn't win this.

"Sorry, Mom." We chorused.

"You seem happy today, Alice?"

"I am. This dress will make me happy. See, if anything happens to it, I'd be distraught.. _The dress_ means a lot to me. I don't want it to be ruined." She said looking me in the eyes as she spoke. I got her meaning: Bella was the dress and she doesn't want her to die. Rodger that.

"It would be a shame if something you were so eager for to be destroyed. Please be careful with Alice's dress, Rosalie, darling." Esme said with a heart-warming smile. She was so caring and so selfless that it nearly hurt.

"Yeah I take great care of it," I said bored, Alice had said to me that I should act as if nothing bothered me. Supposedly that's how I was all the time when it came to things that didn't concern me. I didn't see it though, "Everythign's so great for Alice but she isn't the one who has to drive to Paris."

"Drive? Why not run?" Esme asked.

"It would be strange if someone human saw a great big flying through the air and like Alice just said she doesn't want them to get dirty." I glared at her. "Why didn't you just order it over the net and get them to deliver?"

"Do you know what those monsters do to the precious clothes they deliver? They throw the boxes around as if they were trash! They have no consideration for anything!" Alice exclaimed.

"And you want Rosalie to get this dress? Are you sure?" Esme asked her other daughter. I gaped my mouth opened. She did not just ask that. Rosalie Hale is considerate!

"Excuse me but I am very considerate and helpful when it comes to other people." I huffed crossing my arms over my chest while Alice and Esme exchanged knowing looks.

"Well, that's fine, just get home soon." Esme then hugged me tight, "We need you here."

"Okay, Esme." I smiled at her, "I should probably go get everything ready now." I said while she hugged me.

"Alright. Are you leaving today?"

Alice answered Esme's question, "Yes, she is. I have her on a tight schedule. The plane leaves in a couple of hours and the European car is already at the airport in France. She needs to leave now."

"How long will you be, Rose?" Esme asked me.

"Erm, I don't know. I may stay in France a while. Maybe take a while coming back. I need to clear my head. Emmett will stay here. You know how he is with shopping." I rolled my eyes, "I'll probably shop around." I shrugged. "See you soon, Mom." I smiled to her before we walked out of her room.

Alice grinned conspiratorially to me, "Smooth, Rose." She said and held out her closed fist. We bumped each fist together.

"Emmett?" I called as I walked downstairs with Alice by my side.

"Here babe." He replied, clearly distracted. I resisted an eye-roll. Sometimes that man..

"Spider-monkey, I'm going shopping for a while." I looked at him, he was playing a video game half-heartedly

"Okay, Rosey, see you later, Babe." He blew a kiss to me while furious pushing buttons onto some type of remote.

I groaned before going towards the television plug and pulling out the socket."Emmett, listen to me. I'm going be away in Paris."

He came over to me in a flash, "What? Why?" He looked like a little kid.

"Because Alice is baby-sitting Jasper and Edward." I heard Jasper hiss, Edward would normally but he was dead inside, literally. "And I think it would be best if I left for a bit. I never was the nicest to...certain people so other people might not want to be around me for a while. It'll only be for a couple weeks at the most."

"But.."

"But nothing, I love you, Em." I said before bringing his lips down to mine, engulfing a fiery and passionate kiss for him.

"I love you too, Babe."

"Ring me if you want to talk, Baby." I said, pushing my hand through his curls and going in for another kiss.

Alice quickly interrupted up, she must have seen where this was going to go, "Okay, enough lovin'. Rosalie is on a mission."

"Bye, Emmy." I said blowing him a kiss. "Bye everyone." I called out to the quiet house receiving no answer. Great...

"Okay, you know the plan.." Alice whispered as she walked me to the door. I nodded to my sister and sped off in my baby.

It was my fault that we left, if I just had been more welcoming to Bella maybe I could have prevented her dreaded birthday party but none of that mattered now. All that was importance was the human's safety. I knew that I was the only one to protect her now. GOD HELP HER.

Bella, here I come…

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**So how was it? Was it okay? Did it sound like Rosalie's PoV? Ugh... This is difficult. Please review and share your opinion.**

**~YMCM**


	4. Into Freedom

**Been awhile right? I'm sorry about that but I've been trying to work on my more popular story.. I'm seriously considering if I should continue this or not.. I want to keep with it but no one really is reading it..**

**Enough gloom and doom for a couple of paragraphs...**

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_**Rosalie PoV**_

"Emmett," I breathed in quickly, trying to calm myself at what I was about to do,"I'm going be away for awhile, like a couple weeks or so." Lying was easier for Emmett to handle. He knew me well enough to know something was up.

He came over to me in a flash, "What? Why?" He looked like a little kid. My un-beating heart fell.

"Because Alice is baby-sitting Jasper and Edward." I heard Jasper hiss, Edward would normally but he was dead inside, literally.

"But.." I cut him off. "But nothing, I love you, Em." I kissed him passionately. I would miss him... Bella would be a full month's work to deal with before I could even attempt to go home; Alice had seen me back late next month. Great..

"I love you too, Babe." He whispered to me. I was about to answer him with a jibe about his lack of manliness but I was cut off then.

"Okay, guys enough lovin'!" Alice gushed me out of his arms. I stared at me for a second and thought I saw grateful-ness. Did he want me gone? Or did he know what I was doing?

"Bye guys." I called out to no one in particular as I looked away from my husband intense look.

"Okay, you know the plan.." Alice whispered to me as she walked me out the door.

I nodded and sped of in my baby; I would be parking it Seattle and running the rest of the journey- Bella hadn't even packed yet; Again known by Alice..

Bella, here I come… I thought.

_**Bella PoV**_

I was all packed to go to this new place, a clean slate; for the short time I had left. I didn't pack much; just clothing and a couple of my favourite books- I wasn't going to be doing anything exciting so I packd the classics to keep my mind busy..

It wasn't like I would be going to high school I didn't see much point to going in a whole different state.. I would be quitting the whole education thing because I didn't really need to go anymore it wasn't like I was learning anything new there; even if my class was learning something, I certainly wasn't paying any attention.

It wouldn't have be smart going to school for just one year in Elk Rapids because;

A) I'd need to give them my information, which will make people find me; I had gotten paranoid when I learned vampires had a habit of chasing after me.. Not just Victoria might be chasing me; I'm sure James had more people who cared about him other than his mate.. And not to mention to 'family' who had gotten me into this whole mess in the first place..

B) I couldn't bear being the new girl again. Just incase said vampire(s) do find me; they like to travel around..

And C) I couldn't do anything, risk anyone's life while Victoria was after me(and/or her friends.)

Of course, I knew that if it came down to a fight- Victoria would definitely win, it was inevitable. There were not 'maybe's or 'if's... I am going to die by Victoria's mighty hand..

Who was I? A meek little girl who liked to play with the big scary vampires and Victoria was one of those big scary vampires, if not scarier! She was... well a predator... She had been destroying human poeple's lives since she was a Newborn; she had become Pro at this feeding game..

And now... all I could do was run away from her and the people who would be considered my friends and family.

This was my only chance of getting into freedom, the ironic part was that I had always wanted to travel but never expected a crazed vampire forcing me to do so. I always thought I had _time_.. but now I see that Time had forever been my biggest enemy..

I grabbed the last minute necessities and threw them into a barely full duffel bag; food and water that I had taken from the refrigerator in the small hours of that morning. I would leave straight after Charlie leaves for work. I already had organized somewhere to stay; I was going to stay at a little bed and breakfast in the main town, I had rang the woman who owned it and sorted everything out; I lied to her saying things like I was straight out of college and I wanted to travel around my home country America..

It was the first time lying actually worked for me in a long time, it seems if you are really desperate God seems to listen to your silent prayers.. The only other times this worked was when I was trying to get my mom to let me go to Forks and when I came home from the baseball game in the clearing and tried to convince Charlie to let me go forever...

Maybe he'll finally do that- he knows I can't _live_ like everything is fine.. he'll know that I was doing this for him; I'm saving him in the long run..

I heard Dad stumbled into the bathroom, I threw the single bag into my closet and dived onto bed; thankfully not hurting myself in the process. A few minutes later Charlie opened my door; my eyes were shut tightly to pretend I was sleeping.

I heard the door closed again and Charlie stomping downstairs and out the door. He must have been shocked, last night had been the first night since they left that I slept soundly. I knew that the pain would end soon... So soon...

I waiting until the police car growled to life and sped down the road before I even opened my eyes. When I did I tried to jump out of bed but tripped on my jumbled up bed clothes, falling on the ground banging my knee on the bedside table.

"Crap!" I yelped. Why is God's name did I have to be so damn clumsy?! If there is such a thing as reincarnation I am so not letting myself be such a klutz..

I had felt happy that day, that was the day everything was going to be good again, I was too scared to even thing about ending my own life but Victoria is going to make me let go of this terrible life..

A terrible weight was going to be lifted of the citizens of Forks' shoulders- I was gone meaning all the scary vampires would just _have_ to follow in my footsteps.

I skipped to my half-empty closet pulling out the duffel bag and ran slowly down the stairs grabbing a cold Pop-Tart from the kitchen and was out the door before I had a chance to look back at the house and doubt my decision.. I didn't leave a note, I couldn't! it would be useless trying that; If I tried to tell him I was leaving...everything that happened last year would repeat itself.. Except for the ravenous vampire who wanted to kill me, his girlfriend was having a whack at it this time... she'll probably succeed- no doubt about that...

I put my bag on the passenger seat and tried to bring the truck to life, after it finally coughed warmed up and rumbled to life I sped down the highway and into freedom with memories threatening to make me cry..

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It didn't take as long as I expected; it only took me a couple of days, I think. I wasn't really thinking clearly. I had dropped the cell-phone Renee and Charlie bought me for Christmas out of the window somewhere between Forks and Seattle; I knew them both well enough by now to know that they'll be ringing me non-stop once the figure out I vanished.

I manually rolled down my window because it was starting to get too warm in the truck; even though it wasn't supposed to be warm here, in Elk Rapids, but today just had to have the sun shining.. Just my luck.

My truck was doubling the heat through the other glass windows and scuffy leather seats; I felt like a insect forced under a magnifying glass that was pointed directly towards the sun.

I finally had too much heat so I stopped to car on a path and clambered out of it; I panted in fresh air-I had started to sweat; I was clearly away from Arizona for too long.

That's when I noticed were I was; I was by a cliff. There was a light breeze coming from the edge; it must have been beside the ocean. Good!Cool air!

I stumbled over to the edge on the cliff and just stood there; I imagined trying to jump off the edge, what would it feel like? I looked down to the ocean and saw jagged rocks there.. It would be very sore..

I then stared over to the horizon; it was midday and the sun was in the middle of the sky. I t looked breathe-taking, though I never truly saw it.

Closing my eyes, I out-stretch my arms and breathe in the salty-sea air deeply.

Was this paradise?

_

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_

**Rosalie's PoV**

_Gah! Stop driving Bella!_ I thought anxiously.

She had no idea that _the thing _was coming for her! I don't even know how she had been driving for twelve hours straight? Doesn't that girl sleep anymore? Maybe Vicky had already got to her; maybe Bella was a sister of mine now..

When I say '_thing'_ I _mean_ the ravenous fizzy-haired freak of a vampire that was so hell-bent on making sure Edward's existence would end in misery. A.K.A Victoria.

I brethed in deeply;sensing the young clumsy girl now, she was still driving; I could tell. Not only did I smell her but I heard the beast she just had to drive; why couldn't Edward have bought her a parting present, I would have even picked it. Again when I say _'parting present' _I mean a nice small new shiny BMW.

I chuckled lightly then felt my stupidity and shallowBess.. Bella was Edward's world and here I was joking about her _car_, for crying out loud. I tasted the air once more; there was a saltiness to the air around here; the ocean came right up to the cliff-ends here on the East side of me. I thought nothing of that for a second and was subjected to awful images of Bella's body.

She could be lying dead anywhere by now and I wouldn't have noticed; this was a losing battle. Set with a newly-formed determination, I thought about my surrounding area once again, scanning my memory of the state to find anywhere she would be..

I knew there were no close by rivers but the that cliff that is looking over into the vast wave of the sea that could make Bella plummet to her eventual death. That spot could be the scene of Bella's murder. I span around and flew into the direction of the ocean. How could I have over-looked that!

Oh God! I was getting like Edward- using too many adjectives in one description. I had to save Bella just so she could save me from killing her beloved.. Again with the shallow-ness..

I quickened my speed.. I knew this was coming soon. Alice had said that I would find her just in time that if I didn't hurry- that brought my thoughts to a crashing halt; I might not make it in time..

What if I didn't? What would happen if I fail? Alice would break and Edward will _hear_ everything and.. **die**.

No.. She will survive, I will make her live! If Bella died I don't think _I_ could handle it... Why was I such a bitch to her? She had done nothing wrong to me; I, like to stupid shallow jackass that I am, was just envious of her humanity.

Great! I was starting to think about her like she was already dead.. I really was a self-absorbed pig-headed monster...

I need her to live so I can make it up to her; I'll mend my family together again. Edward won't live in his room anymore and Jasper won't be numb. Emmett will have that blinding smile back, Carlisle will be able to focus again on saving people and Esme will truly be happy again.

I will save the one thing that could make or break the Cullen family.

I started to fret about every little comment or remark I said about her behind her back or to her face. Bella was the missing link in our family and I had insulted her left, right and centre.

I shook my head at my insolence and quickened once again. Tree zoomed past my head and I heard a car's engine choke again- it was Bella's scrap-heap. The sound was getting louder so I was getting closer.

I smiled and let out the breathed I had unknowingly been holding. She was a couple miles away tops- I'll be there in less than a minute.

Her scent was growing stronger by each one of my strides; I had been so concentrated on Bella's distinctive smell that I couldn't process any of the other scents around me- they just all blurred into one; anything Bella had been near had her smell, her truck had passed the path close to where I was running.

So close!I could see a fury of brunette curls fly in the air- her back was facing me and she was right beside that cliff's edge.. Was she about to... jump? I couldn't even process that information..

I felt the winds change dramatically; that's when I smelt it.. it was **her**.. Victoria's scent absorbed Bella's in seconds. She was closer to Bella than I was.

The red-hair.. I could see it right across from Bella- she was obvious of course! Would this result in a fight? If so, I was more than ready- I had a bad feeling about the _**skank**_ the moment I sized her up in the clearing.

I ran out of the woods and into the space the vampire stood she stood a few yards away from the brunette, who I saw had closed her eyes and tears silently fell down her warm face; maybe she did know what was coming..

Thankfully, _Vicky_ hadn't sense the smell of air's change since I had arrive; I'm sure she was too busy enjoying the last moments of Bella Swan's life to care.

Victoria gently raised her right arm as if to caress Bella's back and slid forward towards the human; she was going to push Bella! I couldn't let her ruin my family! Everything I had worked for washed away because some _BITCH_ got her boyfriend killed by my brother who was saving an innocent girl life!

I gasped quietly at the scene before me; I stared at it in a frozen state of hatred. Slut heard my gasp and turned her head slowly to the side and narrowed her eyes at me once she remembered who I was. She smile menacingly at me and silently brought her index finger to her mouth and shushed me. I knew she didn't want Bella to know she was doing this. She wanted Bella to die in shock and in no way of calming herself before the storm.

I couldn't stop myself now, I lunged at the red-haired who had lightly tap Bella's shoulder. I saw Bella's wobble and then she regained her posture; now even bothering to turn round to see the two vampires fight over her. Unbelievable..

I started ripping Victoria's skinny-ass arms which makes her yelp in pain-it made me momentarily happy-but this caused Bella to spin around- finally- but as she did this a strong gush of wind came from the trees pushing her towards gravity.

She stared at me for what seemed like an eternity before she lost her footing and fell over the edge; I let out a yell of sorrow before I hear Bella's own blood-curdling scream and then I heard the unforgettable sound- the crushing of bones.

"NO!" I yelled as I scrabbled over to the spiky edge of the cliff to see if Bella was there.

The sight before my eyes pained into my memory and would haunt me forever. Bella's broken bone was twisted in ways that were unimaginable and it was still gushing blood on the jagged rocks that crept up out of the water's surface. I felt the venom come to my mouth and was disgusted at myself.

This gave me an idea and before I knew it I was diving head first towards the dying body of Isabella Marie Swan.

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**Like it? Hate it? Tell me!**

**Everyone understand this confusing chapter okay? Was anyone 'moved' by it?... Okay even I'm laughing at that..**

**Tell me if I should just give up on Broken or not..**

**Save me from my misery!**

**Review and I'll update soon-ish..**

**x**


	5. The Pain

_**Rosalie PoV**_

The blood spilled everywhere, I craved for it, the need and requirement was there before but now it was taking over my senses- I hadn't fed in a while; none of my family had but this yearning was too much..

The monster suddenly erupted inside my body; crying for joy that I was letting it out I had no choice- the captive was being freed; I just didn't know how to pull it back into its cage. It- the monster- sank its teeth into the girl's neck and tasted a mouthful of blood; I wouldn't even call it a mouthful- a morsel of blood- such a small amount. The monster cheered; it started gulping down more and more.

The girl -who was she? - whimpered softly in pain. Whose voice was that? B-Bella?!

_NO! I had to stop. But it tastes so good!_ The inhumane thing inside fought _against me. Our first human.. Our only.. _

But I was taking something that didn't belong to me- my conscience disputed back. Bella was supposed to be Edward's. He was supposed to be the only one who drank her blood. That bastard vampire- what was his name? Jim? John? He stole that right from my brother and now I was getting the unholy pleasure of lapping up her blood.

_But it's so sweet._ The less-woman part of my mind spoke out. Compelling my common sense to stay quiet and enjoy.

"NO!" I said moving as far away from Bella's body as I could. I wiped the remainder of her blood away from my lips.

What have I done? I thought as I looked at Bella's quivering body. Why did I do this?

"Oh no." I mumbled. She had a tremor- she kept shaking and quivering.

Had it started? The last time this happened it was with Emmett and I was too busy wondering if he would make it to see what was happening to his body. History was repeating itself- Esme jumped off a cliff, Emmett was attacked, both were broken beyond repair. Both are so-called living and partially happy. Both have the way-to eager monster inside their bodies.

_He is going to KILL me! _I thought. It was the only thing he didn't want- Bella without her soul and warmth and her blush. I just disintegrated any strands of a possibility of a human, normal life for Isabella Swan.

I am so pig-headed. Here I am thinking about Edward dismembering my body while his MATE is lying on a jagged stone withering in pain since I bit her less than, what, two minutes ago. Maybe? I did say I was shallow before right?

Bella gasped for air and abruptly stopped moving; her back was shattered. She probably just paralysed herself by trying to squirm around. "Bella." I mumbled, "I'm so sorry; please forgive me! This was for him.. And you!" I whispered as I picked her up and jumped off the rocks and to the cliff Bella had just fallen from. "I was such a bad person to you, please, please just survive!" I cried tearlessly. I started running to the closest Cullen house; it was somewhere around here Alice made Carlisle buy it a couple years back and we all had to come here to sort it out. Could it be a coincidence? Alice wouldn't have made Edward and Bella go through such pain just so Bella would _die_ and become a _parasite_. Would she? I don't think I'd rule it out.

I stifled a cry. "I did this to you and I'm so sorry. Y-you might not even m-make it."

It was true; I might have been too late, I might have drunk too much blood. Maybe Bella wasn't destined to become a leech. Maybe God wanted to save her from this misery.

"Ed-ward?" Bella strangled out, starling me. How could she still talk? "Ed-ward? It hurts! M-make it s-top!" Oh no! She was going to call for him.

I coughed down my own cries and ran own faster. I was determined to make Bella live- I needed her to live.

_**Bella PoV**_

The pain was unbearable. Words couldn't even describe the pain that assaulted my body. It felt like the fires of hell had set alight my body. Nothing could extinguish it. It was nothing I had every felt before yet it was a familiarity to it.

I couldn't move; I felt like I had to but a crushing weight was on top of my chest; squeezing my lungs and ribs together. Harass my heart into slow and deliberate beats that was so loud that my own weak ears could hear it.

My mind was on over-drive; skimming through my memories stopping on the dreaded night that James attacked me nearly turning into a vampire then fast forwarding to my eighteenth birthday were Jasper uncontrollably attacked me, it then skipped three days later- when Edward left me..

Edward. Was it happening again? Was I bit? It did remind me of James's bite but it was stronger, more painful. There was more venom...

It was intended. Someone bit me on purpose. Who? Victoria? Someone else was there... who was it that was there... R-rosalie?

Rosalie bit me! She was there at the sea cliff. Why? Victoria was going to attack me and then Rosalie saved me from her? Why? And now why am I transforming into the thing I wanted most in the world when the person I wanted to share it with, didn't want me.

Edward. Oh Edward.. Why.. It hurts, Edward. Please save me from this. I love you, Edward. Please!

_**Rosalie PoV**_

It's been four days and she isn't waking up. Is she ever going to wake? This isn't normal. She is supposed to be awake.

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**I know it is really shor, I couldn't really going into detail about her change because I don't really know what happens. Yes I know.. Breaking Dawn- it explains it all. But think about it, it doesn't really, it's in Jacob's point of view, what help is that? He was too busy moaning about her humanity and Rosalie and the 'thing' that killed her for hald of his bit of the book to go into great detail. I should have really made up my own verison but my mother was telling if I didn't get of my laptop she'd stick it somewhere anatomically impossible.. She loves really... I think.**

**I'm sorry I took so long updating this story. I was concentrating more on Forgotten, stupidly, because I thought more people like it so it had higher proity. But now I know this story had followers too so I should tell my ego to shut the hell up and write more chapters my favorite story already. Broken's my baby!**

**x**


	6. You Called Me Rose

**I updated! Ahh! So if you don't understand just send a review or PM my way and I'll happily explain everything. I hope you think it's good. Oh and if there are any grammar, punctation mistakes or if there are things I say like if I ever say 'mum' or I don't know 'center' (?!?) Tell me, please!**

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**_Rosalie PoV_**

It's been four days and she isn't waking up. Is she ever going to wake? This isn't normal. She is supposed to be awake.

Staring down at her frozen body, I sighed, not knowing if she was dead or **un**dead. "Bella?" I called uncomfortably. Here I am pretty much talking to a corpse. Hoping she will reawaken. I should just give up, I tried to save her but I was too late.

Pale skin, no heart beat or pulse, she wasn't even breathing! How could I know if she had survived the Change? Carlisle had told me before of people whose bodies were too fragile to complete it; though it was only extreme cases- if the person was already dead was most common.

She should be panting, screaming, moving, anything! But she was just lying there, not breathing. She looked like she belonged on a cold slab in a coroner's lab not on a bed. But I noticed some delicate changes; the last time I saw Bella she was laying, bloody on a pointy stone and now here she was cry clean and, well_, Beautiful. _I had always been jealous of her beauty; it was natural; she never needed make up or had the desire to wear nice clothes. Boys chased after her when all she wanted was Edward.

"Bella?" I called once again. Nothing happened.

"Bella, please wake up!" Oh God.. I was whining..

Another ten minutes and nothing happen. I was starting to think that maybe it was time to call Edward and tell him what happens when my phone rang. Picking it up from where I left it on the bed-side cabinet, a chipmunk voice started yelling before I have the chance to say hello. "ROSALIE HALE IF YOU EVER THINK ABOUT CALLING EDWARD AGAIN I WILL CUT YOU INTO A THOUSAND PIECES!" She breathed deeply, "You are needed. Bella needs you right now to get through this- She wouldn't trust me enough." Alice's voice quivered slightly.

"Alice." I said softly, "How could she not trust you, you and her were best friends."

"Exactly Rose, **Were** best friends- not anymore." Her breathing was becoming heavier and uneven; her unusually serious voice tried to go back to stern-yet-friendly-all-knowing-Alice but lacked the vibrancy it normal contained. "So you stay, be Rosalie and do not leave her to go on a hunt- I am sorry; I know you are feeling thirst after your first change but don't worry, you'll be hunting in.." She stopped in the middle of her sentence.

"In?" I asked, "In how long, Alice?!"

"Gosh you are cranky when you're thirsty Ros- Oh No! Edward's coming! Got to go." She whispered, "Send B our love!"

"Wait!-" What did she mean by '_BE Rosalie'_ was I suppose to be someone else? And when was this going to end? Bella was 'asleep; for longer than I had ever been told of. Four days isn't natural! I had unanswered questions zoom through my brain just ready to burst through but I had no answers!

I looked at the phone which said 'call ended.' "Bitch!" I slammed the cell down on the bed-side table, bursting through the wood. Splinters flew everywhere, some landed on Bella's sleeping figure.

"God damn you, Alice!" I said again as I wiped Bella's body free from the debris. As I cleaned her ice-cold body, I felt a twitch. A twitch. She twitched! I was on the verge of jumping around the room screaming at the top of my voice but stopped just in case Bella did wake up.

A twitch meant she was alive and probably going to wake up soon! I told myself never to disagree with Alice but this time I had thought she was going to be wrong.. Now look who is the chump in not believing. I am! And I glad!

"Bella." I called once more. Her chest started moving up and down repeatedly- she was breathing in. So it was ending soon! But this was the worst part, the venom would be destroying the last reminisce of her heart muscle in the few moments. Bella's final few shreds of humanity were now all gone. This time when she wake up; she'll had a **thirst** that could kill hundreds of people**, strength** that could take down a forest- or Emmett, **speed** that could out run cheetahs- or Edward. And **beauty** that couldn't compare to mind but would be up there in the top three beautiful people in the Cullen family.

This was going to be her eternal day and night- everything rolling into one. No end just a beginning. Nothing exciting everything the same-Bella Swan welcome to Forever.

Her breathe evened out, she was coming. "Bella?!" I gasped as her closed eyes flickered fighting to open. He back automatically threw herself off the bed. Eyes still closed and her hands at her side holding her weight up unnecessarily, "Bella." I sighed in relieve. At least she was alive.

She opened her reluctant eyes. They were ruby red, no, blood red.

"You." She choked out, "You did _this._"

"I'm so sorry, Bel-"

"SORRY!? You're _sorry? _For what?_ YOU TURNED ME INTO A __**PARASITE!**__" _She screamed out, jumping off the bed and getting into my face.

"Be-lla, Please stop. It was for E-"I shut my mouth before I said anything involving Edward- she had just changed species and I didn't want to bring up her ex.

"For who? I know, yourself, because that's all you every think about, Rosalie!" She yelled again.

"Bella, calm down! Its early morning humans will be sleeping right now!" I shushed her; I knew she needed to vent, to let all her problem s out.

"Yes it's early. I should let the **HUMANS **sleep since I can't do that anymore!" she yelled sarcastically.

"Come on-" I started to say but was cut off when I smelt a human's scent. I was too distracted to notice someone was coming up the long drive-way. "Bella," I whispered, "go into the adjoining bathroom and lock the door. I'll be back in a minute." She nodded despite smelling the human's blood; she was fighting it. I nearly smiled at this. She hadn't even hunted yet and here she was resisting the temptation that was literally walking to her.

Not breathing she sped into the bathroom and I heard the door locking. I sighed at jumped down the stairs and to the door. I opened the door and heard crashing and yelling from the upstairs bathroom- Bella..

I saw the mailman dawdle up the path way. "Jesus Christ, hurry the hell up!" I grunted. Why do we get mail here? We never have even lived here before! He saw me and waved. He wouldn't be waving if the girl inside my house had anything to do with it..

"Good morning, Miss." He said when he thought he was close enough; I was surprised he didn't hear the destruction that was happening right now in Edward's bathroom.

"_Ah! SEND HIM AWAY, PLEASE ROS-AHH! MAKE IT STOP!" _Bella screamed.

"Hello, sir." I smiled sweetly at him as he stumbled up to me and searched around his mailbag, looking for any 'Cullen' letters.

I heard fumbling upstairs she was trying to open it; didn't she see that she could literally run through the walls? A loud bang- Oh shit; she saw it alright.

"What was that?" He said.

"What was what?" I asked looking at him in the eyes. I saw that he was getting frightened. He handed me the mail which he found moment earlier and swiftly walked away at double the speed he was taking while was walking up the hill.

At that moment Bella reluctantly reached the door; she looked at me in the eyes before seeing the man's retreating walk and began following him; I quickly used all my might to throw myself at her pushing us both through the front door and then locked it.

Bella held her breathe as she lay on the ground; scratching at her throat as if to get an itch away.

"It's alright, Bella. You can breathe now, I know it's uncomfortable." I said as I sat on the white sofa, Bella was still curled up in a ball in the middle of the living room.

"You'll need to hunt, now. It will be easier. And.." I said but couldn't think of anything to say to her.

"Do they all know about this?" She asked looking up at me with sad eyes, rejecting my suggestion.

"No, only I know and Alice. Emmett knows something's up and Jasper.. I'm not sure anyone else knows." I said.

"Alice knows.. did she see this?" I learned quickly that 'this' was Bella' vampirism.

"I do not know, Bella." I sighed, "I am sorry."

"W-why?" Bella asked.

"Don't you remember anything?" She nodded her head.

"I remember Laurent telling me Victoria was after me, and I remember running away to Elks Rapid, then I remember stopping somewhere near the sea- I was getting too warm. After that I remember standing in front of the rock face and I felt something watching me there I saw her.. and Y-you." Her voice broke.

"She was going to kill you."

"No, she was going to Change me but instead of doing it herself, she got you to do her dirty work." She spat.

I choke down a cry, "Bella, you fell over the edge. I couldn't leave you like that."

"I wish you did; it would be better than this. I have nothing.. He is gone.. I have no one." She began hiccupping in attempts to cry. I went over to her and hugged her while she let it all out.

"I'm a monster, Rosalie." She mumbled in my shoulder.

"No, you aren't. You just get hungry sometimes. So what? You kill a few animals? So do humans! If you ever prey on a human; it doesn't matter! Humans kill other humans and some eat each other! You are exactly like them- just better!"

She chuckled, "That's really sick, Rose."

I smiled, "You called me Rose."

"Am I allowed to, I mean, everyone else did so I just.."

"Don't you hate me, Bella."

"I could never hate you for giving me what I once wanted.. just a little late." I squeezed her. "Isn't the pain unbearable?"

"Actually it was fine while I was thinking of something else. Until you just mention it. I think I nearly forgot about it." She shrugged.

"You are truly special, Bella." I grabbed her arm and pulled her up of the ground, "Come on, let's hunt!"

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**So was it too you know neat? Or happily-ever-after-ish? Are things moving too fast!? Email, review or PM me anytime!**

**x**


	7. Whatever You Say, Bella

**I updated! Yah! I've had this chapter written for months! This was one of the chapters that I first thought of before I even knew what I wanted to write, I just knew this would be a important one.. So enjoy!

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**Maybe **_**he**_** could love me now.**

I sighed, leaning into Rose's embrace; she had made me come into her arms as soon as we finished my first hunt. I cried for a good hour; I longed for my tears to run down my face but it was dry. I wished sleep would take over me but, of course, it wouldn't. She told me how much she always had wanted a little sister and how much I was becoming one to her.

One thing I had to say: it was a strange place for me to be; Rosalie never had liked me as a human but I suppose _she_ had changed me into this monster and felt responsible for me, not to mention, she had developed a soft spot for me while we.. _Weren't in contact_. She said that she would visit me whenever I would move to a different place; but for a couple of years I was going to stay here; inside the dwelling of the glorious mansion so I would 'get my bearings' as Rose put it. I knew it was so I don't want to attack any more mailmen..

"What do you mean by _now_?" Rose asked me curiously. Had I said that aloud?

I laughed once without humour, something that I did frequently now, and pulled away from Rose's easily breakable hold around my shoulders. "Rose, were you too busy looking at your reflection in the mirror whilst I was human," She let that snarky comment go, "or are you just stupid?"

She glared but didn't look too pissed, "I don't understand what the hell you are talking about, Bella."

"When your family left me in Forks?" I offered but she still didn't understand.

I inhaled, knowing this was going to be hard for me to admit, "_He_ didn't love me, Rosalie, He even said so himself." She knew who I was talking about when I said' _He_'. I stood up from the couch we had been sitting at before this awkward conversation and walked slowly over to the French doors and stared up to the clear night sky looking directly at the full moon.

I chuckled again, "Y'know, I bet the guys had a real good chuckle over the naive little human girl that though someone so," I searched for a word to do _him_ justice, "breathtaking could love her as she was an ugly, plain human..." my voice had broke I knew I was about to dry sob so I wrapped my arms around my waist, my own arms didn't comfort me like _h__is_ once had...

I heard Rose take her cell-phone out of her pocket and snap it opened, as I shook, I glanced at the reflection of Rosalie through the window; how could she be so beautiful? Rose had told me of her story; how she was changed. She even told me about her revenge against her fiancé and his friends. Lastly, she told me of how she had resented_ Edward_ at first as he did not love her as everyone else she had known did, she also admitted that she still wasn't fully over that fact.

_It seems Edward likes NO ONE._

She punched a phone number roughly into the device, she held it to her ear and it rang twice. _Who would she need to ring now so urgently with me bearing my heart and soul to her?_

A high-pitched voice answered but it lacked its normal bounce and joy that I had remembered, I thought of this voice, often during my last human weeks, which was one that I would never hear again.

I turned around as fast as I could, running towards where Rose sat trying to catch her gaze for answers; she finally looked at me and put a finger on her lip.

"Hello Rosalie," Alice answered and then went serious, "What's wrong over there?" Why would she need to ring Alice? I told Rosalie during our hunt that I never wanted to see a Cullen again, herself excluded as she was my creator, she had saved me and taught me how to hunt animals; she taught how to be... normal..

Rose said two words that confused the hell out of me; I suppose Alice had the curious jobs as to figure out what she meant.

"KILL. HIM!" Rosalie then hung up before Alice could even answer and threw her phone on the glass coffee table before settling into the sofa waiting for my outburst of questions that were sure to come.

"W-what was that about?" I shuttered out after a minute of trying to absorb everything that had just happened.

"You'll find out soon." She didn't elaborate.

"No, Rose, I won't because I'm never going anywhere near the rest of your family. EVER." I argued.

"Bella, it's _inevitable_. Alice has seen it." She looked at me as if trying to say, 'bet against my sister, I dare you!'

"She knows of my vampirism-ness?" I asked her confusedly. I still didn't know what was the proper term- Vamp-up? Re-Vamp? What could you say?

"Yes, she saw me change you as soon as you fell and I jumped in after you, I rang her while you were_... asleep..._ and she told me that you wouldn't want to see her yet because you won't be able to 'open up' to her through your 'new eyes' or something but she then said it was only a matter of time before you'd crack!" Rose said brightly while checking her reflection in her compact mirror she always had in her bag.

"You could have told me!" I said, I was kind of shocked that Alice wasn't here jumping around me saying how she had always saw this coming no matter what happened. I was disappointed- did this prove that she also didn't want me?

"Bella, to be honest, I wanted to have you to myself for a short while." She admitted shyly, for once... "The house has been such a depressing place since we moved away from you that I needed to get out of there for a short while, it would have gotten worse as the years passed by. You are my haven at the moment."

"Then... Rose, don't you think they suspected something?"

"Nope, Alice always said I was going on a big trip somewhere for shopping, it works well as two of the most nosey people in the family are in a comatose."

"TWO?!?" Who? Esme? Alice? No, she seemed fine seconds ago.

"Yeah." She simply said. Care to explain?

"WHO?!? Emmett? Esme? Carlisle?" She shook her head as each name.

"Then _who_?"

"Who do you think?" She said.

" But that only leaves Jasper and _Edward_." I shivered as I said his name. "T-they shouldn't be! Why?" I asked finally. Jasper didn't even get to know as a human as he could, you know, kill me; like he nearly did at my... A thought popped into my head, "It's because of my 18th birthday, isn't it?"

She nodded sadly.

I yelled in frustration. "They have nothing to feel guilt over, because that's what it is guilt."I tried to tell myself.

"Whatever you say, Bells." She sighed and turned on the T.V. signalling that the conversation was over.

_**Alice PoV**_

I sighed as I rubbed Jasper head that was currently on my lap. We sat on the stair; which was our hiding place when things were bad and we needed time to ourselves, we sat here a lot now. I knew it wasn't the only reason; we didn't just need to think- thinking was bad for us. It usually ended up us sobbing over Bella..

The other reason was; Jasper couldn't bare going into the living-room, let alone sit there. Though we moved out of Forks months ago, that room reminded him of Bella and her dreaded birthday. My mind went on auto-pilot. I lost all control over it. It pushed all other thoughts out of my head and focused on Isabella Swan.

She didn't want a birthday, Bella pleaded with both Edward and I but, it being us we are talking about, we didn't bother listening to her. I was hit by a wave of guilt- this was partly my fault. If I hadn't forced Bella's birthday party into action. Maybe we would have stayed in Forks so Victoria would have stayed away for longer and Edward would have got to change Bella, not Rosalie who had to act hastily to transform while she was dying on a rock. Edward's change would have been full of love and he would have finally got to drink her blood properly.

I suddenly wondered if Bella had any powers, maybe she had a similar ability to me, maybe she saw things... She probably sensed that something bad was going to happen on her birthday that's why she dreaded it! It seemed so likely! Oh how I wish we had listened...

I was taken by a vision.

_It was of Rosalie, she punched my phone number roughly into the device, and she held it to her ear. Back at home my phone vibrated, I sped into the kitchen, where I left it and answered after two vibrating rings, I knew I didn't sounded happy anymore; being in a hostile environment took its toll on everyone especially me as I was married to the person who attacked my best friend and my favourite brother had lost the love of his life because she was human and couldn't protect herself._

_I heard movement in the room Rosalie was in, I wondered idly if it was Bella! I began to get excited._

"_Hello Rosalie," I answered, "What's wrong?" I started to get panicky, what if Bella doesn't want to meet me, and she wasn't ready according to Rose. And I had seen the consequences if I had gone to see her in the next few years- she needed time to adjust and she did not need a bad blast from the past._

"_KILL. HIM!" Rosalie snarled to me and quickly hung up before I could say a word._

What was that about? Who was she talking about? It could be anyone; Edward, for leaving Bella Jasper, for attacking Bella, Emmett, for you know, being Emmett or Carlisle, for letting all this happen.

I knew the first three were more likely; even Rose knew Carlisle had no choice in any matter that occurred.

I tried to stay calm, I was suddenly very aware that Jasper was right beside me. I wondered if he was paying attention to my emotions, maybe he was concentrating on Edward's or maybe he was too caught up in his own. Oh Jasper...

Unexpectedly I was hit by another vision.

_"__**HOW COULD YOU?!?!!?"**__ I screamed at the top of my voice, I was sitting on the stairs, Jasper holding my hand trying to calm me down._

_I ran as fast as I could upstairs and into Edward's cave of a room. Emmett and Carlisle were there in a flash, Jasper, who still couldn't be around Edward without wanting to go to the Volturi to kill himself, stayed by the stairs._

_"What's wrong Alice?" Carlisle asked. I didn't even answer him I was too busy jumping onto Edward, punching his chest, screaming profanities at him, yelling about how stupid and selfish he had been. Edward had his eyes closed and smiled slightly; which made me punch and kick him hard, he was enjoying this?!?_

_Carlisle and Emmett tried to pull me off my brother but I had been sent on this mission; __**I was going to kill him!!!**__ Then I thought of Bella, she wouldn't want Edward dead. She'd die too. I was pretty sure Rose didn't mean literally but maybe I could do some damage to Edward's pretty face..._

_I loosened my grip that was now around Edward's neck and Emmett pulled me off Edward._

_"Alice what has got into you?" Carlisle questioned me, confused by my outburst that came out of the blue._

_"It was-" I began to say._

I didn't know what I was going to say to Carlisle, my vision was caught off by my phone vibrating...

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**Did you like it? Please say yes because this was THE chapter.. so far.. anyway.**

**Tell me if you have any ideas or anything for this story because.. well I'm kinda at a loss right now..**

**x**


	8. Esme's Solace

**This chapter is kind of a filler/summary chapter. I guess that's what it's called. Anyway bad news, MY LAPTOP HAS A VIRUS! Yes I know, it's sad but don't worry! I have my brother's laptop instead! Yeah! Karma!...:'[ _DAMN YOU, GEEKS! I HATE YOU BASTARDS WHO F**KING HACKING MY F**KING COMPUTER! BITCHES! GAH!_  
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**I am sorry.. I am very anger right now.. so that's why I have a kind of depressing chapter.. nothing happens in it, there is no dialogue. Just thoughts. Poetic, right? Not. So tell me what you think because it was the first time I tried anything like this.**

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Nothing happens to you when your life is fully of sadness and grief. There is ...nothing. No freedom, no escape. Just misery. _Misery; depression, desolation, gloom, wretchedness, melancholy, despair, grief, sorrow, distress, agony, misfortune.. and most of all death_. They all mean the same thing I supposed, nothing quiet explained the pain, but all of those emotions together seemed to work.

The awkward silences... they go on ceaselessly; leaving the only sound in our dead house is the sounds of shallow breaths and the chime of the grandfather clock Edward had automatically inherited when his mother passed away.

You just sit there wondering when it will end. You start to think about things, about your past any mistreatments you had ever done. You start viewing your life before your change, wondering where your family are, or if they are even alive.

_Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock._

The pain is endless. The hollow feeling inside your heart follows you around everywhere you go. So you give up and go nowhere. Just wallowing in pity and mourning of the person who could never come back...

The only remedy to the pain is change. Some type of change, _any _type of change. Just change. But changes come few and far between to vampires. It doesn't help that our kind reacts badly to change since we only ever go through two main changes in our entire existence- Our transformation into the Children of the Night and our guaranteed finding of a mate.

Now, there only ever really five of us who are ever at home, if you could call it that- its more like a prison to us now, what happened to the joy and love? So now I just called it the house...

Alice- She is there, but all I see is her shell, the case the trapped her emotion in side herself. She lost her best friend and sister. She saw their whole future together and now and she sees is darkness. She has slowly been losing her gift- they are controlled by emotions.

Edward- Oh, my first son... How I pity your pain. The heart-wrenching ache must filter through his system every second of everyday...To lose his mate in such an excruciating way... I couldn't imagine. I never see him anymore. He stays in his room all day and only leaves when Emmett or I heave him from his quarters. I miss the smile that she put on his face, I miss the joking Edward who seemed fulfilled with his life- she was the missing piece as I always told him... and now we left her.

Emmett- he feels useless around everyone, as do I, but we can't leave them... our family! He waits for Rosalie to return from the extended shopping trips Alice sends her on, which seems to be a lot. I sure she just can't stick staying back with us feeling the emotion that are unwillingly throwing around our house. He has no glint in his eye, I see no gleam, I don't feel his mischievous presents anymore; like Alice, there is only a crust.

Jasper- He is still so guilt-ridden, I feel so helpless when he is hurting, we all hurt, not just because of his gift, but because we all knew it was harder for him than the rest of us... he had been given the short straw in life. He had no control of his body or mind when he attacked the girl that was so-nearly-my-daughter; he still thought this was his entire fault. He hadn't had a smile on his scarred-face since September thirteenth, last year. It is no way to live.

My love stays at the hospital, always working over-time now. He avoids going home! He fears the worst... He dreads coming back to the house... he dreads coming home... home to his wife and children. It makes my heart sink. Carlisle is avoiding me because of this tragedy. How did our lives come to this? How did I let it become this way? I was supposed to support and protect my children! ALL my children... even if one of my children was human, I still needed to protect her, even more so than the rest! And I left her! I left her and she is lonely...

I truly am the worst mother in the world. I am an appalling person. My life, or half-life as Edward referred to it, had been turned upside down, first for the better but now... everything had fallen apart. No one speaks to another; no one even looks at them! How can you call us a family? How can we get through this?

My only solace... is cleaning, as morbid as it sounds as stereotypical as you think it may be, the mundane activity eases my pain, temporarily distracts my frets and calms me...

-I clean and I clean, I must annoy Emmett, Jasper and Alice endlessly but of course they don't complain.. they never do- I miss their complains, I miss their laughter. It feels as if we are mourning someone- like someone had died. I supposed someone had. We were just mourning her death a little early- A lifetime is not very long, only fifty, sixty years at most? A blimp in the eyes of a vampire.. just a blimp. I know she will never be juts a blimp though, she'll always be in our hearts..-

And when the house is clean and the garden pristine, I wait for the pain as I once again drive the knife into my unbeaten heart so when I put away the duster and pack away the polish- and reality, cruel, cruel reality sets back into its wrongful place.

How I hope she forgives me for letting her go... No I didn't let her go, I forced myself out of her life, I forced myself to pack up my family and leave.. And change is still no closer to coming. I still have the hollow Bella-shaped hole in my heart. I still have half a family.. I still hate what we have become- what did Edward call us? Oh yes- **Monsters.**

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**Basically what happened in this chapter was, Esme thought over the despair her family was going through at this time, knowing nothing about Bella's change as Rose still hadn't come home so I thought this would be 'powerful' because they are all so unaware how a new vampire had unexpectly entered their family... Yes I was on the whole time I was typing out this chapter.. I like Synonyms.. Like it? NO likey? Tell me and I'll.. think of something good to say!  
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**Please review and I'll give you a good chapter next time!**

**_I'll also show you a dream, next night.- Vampire Knights._**

**Just thought I'd input that!- C**

**x**


	9. Sliver Tears

**Another chapter..**

**I'm sorry if these two chapters seem.. shabby. I just don't feel in the right mood to type out long chapter right now. I am sorry for that.**

**I hope this is okay.**

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_**Edward PoV**_

_My resolve is slowly depleting. I need her._

_**Alice PoV**_

I kept rubbing my hand across Jasper's honey mane of curls. He seemed to be getting worse. I was getting worse. Emmett.. I didn't even know what happened to Emmett.. I think he may be finding in the woods away from us. I felt so selfish, he was hurting too, he had gotten closer to Bella over the last year and now.. she is...not the same.

I couldn't think the word, not with Edward upstairs; I didn't know if he was listening to me or not. I hoped he wasn't, I prayed to the God that must hate my family, knowing it would be useless.

Oh Edward, my brother my poor brother.

Thinking of Edward infiltrated one of my rare visions...

"_Angela?" Edward's voice rang out in my head, I saw him walk over to the young black-haired girl, "Can you tell me where B-Bella is?" He was trying to act sweet, though I could see through the facade; he was panicking inside with his pitch-black eyes focusing and un-focusing on her face. "I went to her home but she wasn't there. I wanted to.. surprise her." Such a painful lie. He doesn't know what happened to her._

_Angela, a good human friend to Bella., had a look of pity in her glass-covered eyes. I noticed that her eyes were watery and the shadows underneath were read a puffy- she had been crying. "Edward," She was shy and quiet and never really spoke to Edward but now she seemed older like something had aged her recently, "I thought you of people would have known." She wasn't being condescending just stunned._

"_Knew what?" He was on the edge.. I could feel the dread that flew through his body when she said that small-voiced phrase. _

_She bit her lip, she was about to weep again, "B-Bella left F-Forks weeks ago." He stiffened and closed his eyes. Oh no.._

"_Do you know why she left?" He was trying to be civilized but he was starting to shake._

"_I don't know if it's true but..." She sighed like she didn't believe the next thing she said, "Bella told Jessica right before she left home, that she was sick and that she thought that she might be.." Pregnant. She didn't say the word, she didn't need to. But Edward wouldn't possible believe anything Jessica would say even if Angela was the one who told him.._

"_But it can't be true! Edward!" Angela exclaimed, "Bella was.. is.. smarted than that!" Edward wasn't playing his part..he should be denying everything; well that he wouldn't be the father.._

"_Angela, do you believe it?" He asked her, didn't he just hear what she just screamed in his ears?_

"_No! I mean, I don't think so! You have been gone a long time and Bella, she didn't talk about a boyfriend she had." She whispered to herself hoping Edward wouldn't hear, "she didn't speak at all."_

_Edward stiffened once more, "Thanks, Angela. I really hope it isn't true." He grimaced at her trying to smile at her._

"_Y-you're welcome, E-Edward. It was nice to see you, under the circumstances." She replied politely. She could she his pain. She knew he was terrorized inside. She knew.. something. "Oh and when you see her again, tell her I never forgot her and that I missed her." She smiled at him; her voice was full of implications. She knew it was the last time she would see Edward and she also knew that Bella would never come back to Forks... at least in Angela's life time anyway. _

I heard a crash from upstairs.. Shit.

"Alice?!" His voice howled at me, it was so rough. He was towering over me as I was sitting in the way of the stairs he had flew down.

"Y-yes, Edward?" I squeaked at him, his eyes full of menace. Jasper's head shot up once he saw our brother standing there.

"What.. where? Where is she now?" He couldn't get her name out.

"I don't know." I said honestly.

"TELL ME!?" He yelled.

"I don't know." I avoided his furious gaze.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" He was getting angrier and angrier. "BELLA ISN'T IN FORKS! WHERE IS SHE?" He was shaking trying not to scare me but it wasn't working. Jasper had moved as far away from the family as he could, while be in a small distance away just in case Edward tried to hurt me; though I knew Edward would never..

"Jasper!" I called to him in hopes he would calm Edward down. Carlisle, who was home for once, and Emmett, who had just returned from the Denali vampire's house, grabbed Edward and tried to restrain him, it didn't seem hard for them as he hadn't hunted in weeks. Esme tried to calm him down by talking to him but nothing worked. He kept resisting them. I couldn't watch, it was too soul-destroying, Jasper had frozen for one second before I called out his name again and started his attack of calm on Edward. That did little affect too.

Esme who had had enough of the situation screamed, "EDWARD!" It was one of the only times Esme had ever yelled at one of us. "Calm down this instant!" She growled at him. We all looked bemused at her, I never knew she had it in her.

Edward too stopped moving momentarily, to se what she had to say, his head to down and he seemed to be whimpering.

"What would Bella think if she saw this? She would be disappointed in you, Edward. Very disappointed." I was shocked she would say such a thing. Bella's name was a taboo in the household.

Edward fell to the white carpet; I had never seen him so bad before. I think he was braking.. he wasn't going to stay away for much longer. He knows what he would be going home to. It wasn't Bella.

His whimpers increased to wailing_. Smart Alice thinking things like that will help the situation.._

Esme crouched down beside him, crying also; venom was starting to trickle from their eyes. I looked at Emmett to see he was trying not weep but it wasn't working and he soon was brought into the hug Esme was giving. Things were bad if Emmett was crying.

A fluid leak from my eyes, I touched my face and saw the sliver substance. I was crying.. CRYING! With tears! Sliver tears, but it was tears. Carlisle briefly said something about venom emitting from our eyes if we are distraught. I had never seen any vampire cry before. Carlisle just put his hand on Jasper's shoulder trying to be a easy emotion for him to handle yet I saw Jasper's eye's starting to water up and soon the liquid flew down her cheeks and he was shaking I ran to him and hugged him as hard as I could; for once being the rock in our marriage- comforting him.

We spent hours there just holding each other and crying Carlisle was trying to be strong. But I saw him wipe his eyes. Emmett calmed down soon after that.

"Alice, where is Rose? Please tell me the truth, where is Rosalie?" His eyes looked so innocent and sad, I knew we would never speak about this moment ever, "I need to know where she is, maybe she could look for.."

"I don't know." I said, "You have to believe! I don't know! Jasper and Edward could tell if I was!" I explained to them.

"Don't know.." Edward echoed.

"Please believe me! If I knew, I'd tell you, Edward! I loved her too!" I said a mistake.. a bad mistake.

"Don't say that! Don't! You said loved.. she is alive! I know she is!" Edward convinced himself.

"She is alive." I whispered, "That's all I know right now." It was the truth, at least I could give him the truth.

Everyone was silent. "I'm going to find her." Edward whispered.

"NO!" I yelled. Flashes of Victoria flew through my mind. He growled. Double shit.

"How far away is Elks Rapid, Carlisle?" Edward glared at me and then calmly looked at our father.

Triple Shit.

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**Is it okay? I'd really appreciate your opinion on the last two chapters. They were hard to write. Edward.. for some reason I can't write him. It sucks when I write him it really does..So I tend to stick with the females.. easier because I am one I think.. for me anyway.**

**So if you have any suggestions or queries just PM or review this story, whatever you feel like. Was I good at this depression crap? Review please, I need some comments right now.. Not feeling the best right now so if would really help.**

**Thanks again.  
**

**C**


	10. A Yellow Letter

**I'm sorry it took awhile for me to update, I'll try harder next time. **

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_**Emmett PoV**_

"No! Edward! Stop it!" Alice yelled as she watched him pack his clothes away. "Don't do this!"

The rest of us just stood at his door blindly watching the fight that we all knew was coming.

"Don't do what, Alice? Find the woman I love?" He looked at his sister's worried eyes. "Anything could happen to her! She is only a human after all." Alice looked away from him, she knew something Edward didn't. She knew where Bella was, she knew where Babe was.

"Alice, let him go." Jasper tried to reason with her. She gasped.

"Wh-what? How could you say that? _'Let him go'_ what do you mean? How could I let him go, knowing rightly what he would do if he can find her." Esme struggled for breath, she knew what Alice meant. We all did, Edward would go to Volterra and plead them to take his life. No!

"If you think we'll let you leave this house, Edward, you have another thing coming!" I yelled at him, going beside Alice and began unpacking his stuff with her.

"Jasper, Carlisle, try to reason with them." Edward groaned. This was the most he had spoke to us in six months, and probably the last time.. _No! Emmett, stop thinking like that! _I furiously began throwing his clothes to the floor. _He can't leave us. He can't! Bella is gone, Rose... I don't even know if she'll come back and now Edward! No! I can't lose anymore of my family. I just can't._

Edward, who just read my thoughts, looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. "Emmett, I'm sorry but I have to go find her." He closed his eyes, "And if by some reason she isn't on this earth anymore, I will try and follow her to the new life, I will do anything to be with Bella."

"Then why did you make us leave her!?" I yelled my frustrations out at him; I knew it wasn't fair.. but then again, what is fair?

"Because we weren't good for her." He breathed.

"That's bullshit and you know it! You aren't good for her? Where did you get that? She loves you.. no. Loved you. Who knows what she thinks of you now, Edward." He was getting on my nerves, thinking all that crap, who did he think he was? Deciding that we weren't good for his girlfriend? What?

"Emmett Dale McCarty Cullen." Uh-oh, it is bad when he used our full names, "Stop it; you are making the situation worse." Carlisle spoke to me coolly. "We just need to talk about this, calmly." He made his way in between Edward and I, in the middle of our fight I had got into his face.

"Please both of you." Esme pleaded, she was sobbing now.

"I can't take this anymore!" Jasper screeched grabbing his head. "Everyone just shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!"

Alice went over to him taking his hands from his face and put them on her own, "Shush, Jasper. It's okay, everything will be alright." She hushed him.

Esme clenched her fisted to her heart, Carlisle held her tightly. "What happened to us, Carlisle? When did our family start hating each other?"

Alice looked up at Edward, "You can leave, Edward, but if you don't come back, I will come after you and you'll be praying for the Volturi." She spoke so seriously, it was frightening.

"Edward, after you get Bella and send her back to Forks, please find Rosie for me. I have a bad feeling." I said to him.

He nodded, "She is just shopping, right Alice. She's fine." Alice bobbed her head once, distractedly.

Esme went to her first son, "Please ring us whenever you can, and tell Bella we love her dearly."

**Bella PoV**

It's been a week. One week exactly. One week of me curling up to Rosalie, one week of her telling me about her life until Forks, she usually skimmed over anything related to Him.

She told me how her fiancé raped her while his friends watched and how they beat her and left her to die on a street. My changed seems so small compared to hers. I fell off a cliff. Pathetic.

I mean, yes there was a craze-driven ginger vampire after me but still..

Everything was getting easier. I mean it too; I'm not just lying to myself this time. It seems like when the venom destroyed my heart, that it fixed it right before it burned it. Maybe that was my purpose of meeting the Cullens- to get changed. Maybe.

"Bella, you are really adapting to this.. lifestyle already." Rose said to me dragging me out of my thoughts. "Maybe this is your gift or something. Maybe you have super resistant."

I rolled my eyes at her, it was a habit I seemed to pick up from my creator. "Sure thing, when did you figure this out before or after I tried to tear that mailman to shreds." She chuckled.

"After. Why was he even here? We never get mail to the house we don't live in, we always get it transferred over." Her eyes glazed over she was thinking. "Did we open the letter, Bella?" She asked suddenly.

"No, I don't think so, you were too busy trying to calm me down." She nodded distractedly, she looked just him when he was thinking things over.. I shook my head, "Do you want me to find it for you, Rose?"

"Thanks Bella, that'll be great." She smiled at me, it was still strange. She never even noticed me while I was human but now that I was the same species as her, she treats me so much differently. It's disconcerting.

I searched over the pristinely kept living room, it was a huge difference to upstairs, I destroyed it days ago. I figured out that I ran into his room when I hid from the sweet scent of human, I was angry with myself, forgetting that they have the same set up of house everywhere they go. I was on autopilot and ran away to his space. Then I obliterated it.

I found the patch of letters, all of it was junk mail.. Except one. A yellow letter. Yellow.. Her favourite colour is yellow. I chuckled despite myself. Silly girl told me she always wrote letters on yellow paper; she called it romantic. I didn't know why.

I ran back to Rose. "This was the only one that wasn't trash mail. I wonder who it's for-Rosalie Lillian Hale McCarty Cullen." I smiled as I read out the name hand-written on the yellow envelope.

Rose glared at me, flipping her pale blonde hair behind her shoulder. "Give me it." She held out her hand, I handed her the yellow letter. She ripped it open and scanned the letter. Her golden eyes widened. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing!" She said, "Erm, Bella, remember I said that I would eventually have to leave."

"Yes." If my heart beat, it would be pounding against my chest.

"That time is now, you are really good at the whole vampire thing; you'll be fine." She said. She stood up, and brushed down her clothes.

"What? Wait! You're leaving now?" I stood up too.

"Yes, I have to go." She went towards the door.

"Why?" I got there quicker and blocked the exit.

"Erm, family problems." She pushed me out of the way.

"What family problems." I probed her.

"I can't say." She closed her eyes. "It was good seeing you, Bella. I'll visit soon. You have my number." She squeezed me.

"Why can't you tell me, is it because I'm not family?" I didn't hug her back.

"Yes, because no matter what happens you will never be my family."

"Sure, you created this, Mommy." I screamed at her, she flinched.

"Yes, I did. What a bad choice I made." She said calmly as she strode into the forest. "I'm sorry..."

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**So did you understand this chapter? OKay last chapter, Alice lied to them, she does know where Bella was, but Edward saw Elk Rapids in her mind as it flew past momentarily. So does this explain it?**

**Oh and yeah, it's Alice who wrote the letter to Rose. And yes, Dale is Emmett's middle name. And Lilian is Rose's.**

**C**


	11. They Are Still My Family

**Sorry, it took me awhile to update this story. Please don't hurt me. I have a question that I'll ask at the end of the chapter- please reply to it!**

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"Damn you, Rosalie!" I screamed into the woods, knowing she could hear me was good enough, even as she ran away from the 'mistake' that I was.

I fell onto the gravel; everyone had left me, everyone. Why must they? Don't they know what it does to me? Am I the problem? What was wrong with me? No one seemed to care about my feelings while they crush them, was I really that easy to walk over? Even after all that I've been through; was I still a meek little girl?

No, I thought adamantly, I was not a little girl anymore, I wasn't even_ human_ anymore! I was a monster, just like everyone else I cared about, I had joined their club, I got what I always wanted.. I just didn't get to be with the person I wanted more than immortality. If I had to chose between a loving caring family and eternal beauty... There was no contest- I want a family, not just any family but the Cullen's.

As they were my family, and if they disliked that fact, they were still my family. Even now after all the trials and tribulations, I am bonded to the Cullen's in an unexplainable connect. I guess it's because I am one of _them_ now, much to their disdain I think.

_They are still my family..._

I kept crying without shedding a tear. Why did this have to happen to me?

_**Rosalie PoV**_

God! I leave them alone for a week, a whole freaking seven days and Hell seemed to have swallowed my family up! Yeesh! I had to hurt Bella in the process of leaving knowing well enough that the only way you can leave Isabella Swan is through her weaknesses and emotional blackmail- Sadistic right?

"Damn you, Rosalie!" I heard Bella's heart-stopping scream echo through the forest, she knew that I could hear her; I had a hard time resisting going back and begging her to forgive me. How did this girl affect my life so much?

Regret shattered my system as I thought back at my callous words, I didn't mean them so harshly but I saw in her relentless eyes that she wasn't going to give in so easily. Of course she wouldn't give up! It's Bella I'm talking about; the girl who was constantly being attacked by a coven of merciless Nomad vampires for two years then finally changed by her lover's sister.. Ironic, I was the only one totally against Bella's change. Some might argue that Edward was but he wouldn't live without her even though he said he never would change her everyone knew that he couldn't say 'no' to her.

I dialled Alice's number speedily into the device in my hand as I rang. "What the freakin' hell was with that damned yellow letter? What the hell was it supposed to mean?" I yelled into my cell before Alice greeted me.

"Oh, hello Rose. How are you today?" I could hear the god-damn smirk on her face it was that obvious.

"Alice, don't mess with me. I just had to leave a vulnerable girl who is in no stable state to be alone right now, not to mention the fact that SHE IS A NEWBORN, by herself.. In the middle of Michigan!" I screamed not caring that half of said state could hear me.

She chuckled at me, what was wrong with her? "You said so yourself Rose, Bella has really adapted to our life. You have nothing to worry about plus you aren't actually worried about that, are you?"

"Not really but I just don't like the thought of her all alone." I mumbled in the handset.

"Who are you? Her mother?" Alice started cackling. What is she on these days, Deer with Rabies?

"Good ob trying to distract me. It's not working. Explain that letter.. _NOW_."

"Ah, well. I had a vision a while back that Edward might possibly leave Bella and Bella might possibly leave Forks and go somewhere near one of our house so I put a little yellow letter in each of them that was logically near Forks." She said. "No need to worry, Edward just wants to find Bella. Emmett wants you back anyway so HURRY!"

"Am I in trouble with him?"

"Oh yes." She said chuckling.

Well, shit. "Right, well I'll be back in a day or so. Where is my Baby?" My baby was the little red BMW that I trickled with last year.

"It's only a couple miles from Forks. Remember: you went to Paris, okay? I left the bags inside the boot of the car."

"Thanks,Ali." There was silence on the other end of the line. "What's wrong, Alice?"

"You called me 'Ali'." She seemed happy but confused. "You never have said it before."

"I guess I did." I smiled, "I picked it up form Bella."

"She talks about me?!" Alice squeaked like a mouse on the other end of the call.

"Yeah, all the time. She really missed you."

"Oh." It sounded like Alice was sobbing.

"Are you okay?" I started to worry about Alice sometimes, she was really emotional.

"Yeah, I-it just shouldn't have ended this way." My sister sighed.

"It hasn't ended yet. Not yet." I said determinately. "See you tomorrow."

"No, I'll see you a couple hours away. You are going really fast." She giggled again. "See ya'." That girl really has mood swings.

It was taking less time than I expected to get home. I must have been going double the speed I normally went but as soon as I found out Emmett was pissed, I was going straight home. It wasn't like I was scared of my husband but it just was that he can torture me in other ways that pain.. Really, really interesting ways..

I got into my Baby and speeded home. It didn't take long, only a half hour or so. I sighed as I rolled into the long drive way.

"Rosalie!" A voice yelled to me. I stop the car and got out only to be sprung onto. "I missed you! I missed you! I missed you!"

"Yeah, I know." I said coolly to the little pixie that was on my back. "Where is my Monkey-Man?"

"He is inside, fighting with Edward.. Again." Alice sighed, "I'll bring in the stuff from the boot of the car. I can't wait to wear my new clothes!" She was only saying this because we were suspicious of anyone who could hear us talk.. Or think.

"Thanks, Ali." I winked at her. She looked down as if she was blushing.

"Get away from me you big bitch. Making me cry on the phone.." She started mumbling something.

I chuckled at her antics of bringing in the ton of bags from the car; I couldn't even see her spikes as the bags were feet taller than her.

"Emmy?" I called out to my husband but I wasn't heard over the shouting.

"YOU AREN'T GOING TO LEAVE, EDWARD!" Emmett's booming voice.. Well.. Boomed.

"Yes, I am." His soft pained voice killed me. What I did to her.. was unforgivable.

"GET IT INTO YOUR THICK SKULL! I. WON'T. LET. YOU. " Emmett was so forceful..

"Emmett, you can't keep me here under house-arrest forever." Edward seemed to be not listening to our thoughts because he didn't come over to me and throttle my neck as I thought about..

"REALLY? CAN'T I? FREAKIN' WATCHING ME!" Oh dear Lord..

"Emmett, remember what Carlisle said 'inhale... exhale'." Esme spoke softly to Emmett.

"Can everyone calm down a bit? Jasper is freaking out over there!" Alice announced in a sing-song voice as she bounded up the stairs to her room with her pile of designer bags and pounced from the stairs to her husband who was curled up in the corner.

"I leave for a week, and then the house turns into an episode of Desperate Housewives." I mumbled to myself.

"Rosalie!" Esme smiled at me and came to the door and squeezed me tight, "We all missed you very much."

"Yes, without you here, Emmett is like a lost puppy.." Edward scowled at Emmett's grip on his sweater.

"I am not; I just don't like the thought of my family splitting up again."

"Take a God-damn look around, Emmett. Jasper and Alice have to leave every five minutes to get away from us and our shitty emotions, Carlisle is always at work and Rose went half way around the world to get away from this house." Edward yelled at my husband, I was about to go over there and kick his vampire ass but flashes of Bella flew through my mind and froze me to the spot on the carpet were I stood.

"No, only to get away from you." I muttered a comeback to him but he just looked like death again after his outburst, I felt bad for opening my mouth- I didn't like acting like a bitch to him not after the last week of my life. I thought of something. "Hey, Emmett?"

"Yeah?" He replied with a scowl on his perfect face.

"Wanna move away from here for a couple years?" I asked my husband as the plan formulated in my head and my sister grinned like that cat from Alice in Wonderland- Like she was in on the conspiracy.

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**Was it good? I like the last simile! It's surprisingly ironic.**

**Did you like this chapter? Please tell me if you did or not.**

**Question Time:**

**Would you mind if I skipped a couple decades in this story like if I did a ' 30 YEARS LATER' type thing? This kind of gives the plot away, Right?**

**C**


	12. Mother

**********So I did skip a couple decades or so... just so the story can move on, even though I'm sure you'd love to hear about Edward's depression some more. Note: Sarcasm. **

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_**2064, Alice's PoV**_

He visits 'her' once a year on the same day. He just sits there in the middle of Forks Cemetery, watch by all of the past residents of that small fateful town. He stands there all day, on that one day, staring at 'her' gravestone. It's always the same, no change; he just looks at it, no he glares at it. Nothing has ever disrupted his tradition so far, nothing will disrupt it.

Slowly, he set the small bunch of violet blue freesia down by her grave on the straw-like grass; it is always the same flowers, same colour, and same earth brown ribbon to hold the stems together but it was different to usual.

We both sit there, staring at our broken brother. Carlisle sometimes just walked off in the direction of the car; he can't bear the sight of his first son's mourning, I have trouble too sometimes but I stay there because I know the truth. I stay there also because my favourite brother needs me on the one ay he lets his facade of normality down and just grieves her. It's always been the same arrangement since Edward came back to us, after he searched the world for her, after years of hopeful desperation, he finally just came home. Well, back to the half-family we had become all those years ago when Rose and Emmett left us, that is.

It's getting worse for him as I could tell even without my husband's gift of empathy; I knew that he was near breaking-point. He was getting poorer than the time he tried to sneak of the Volterra, Jasper and I were thankfully on a hunt that day so we stopped him without much bother.

I had to stifle the cry I was still holding in as I saw the streak of shining sliver run down his pale white check when he stood atop his love's coffin. The contrast of the bright sliver to his emotionless face didn't suit the scene before my eyes- tears weren't suppose to be venomous, they were suppose to relieve you of pain not remind you that you in fact are in pain that was so unbearable that your killing liquid was flowing through your eyeballs.

I knew he was remembering the letters that didn't seem to comprehend in his mind, in any of our minds bar a select few. The words were suppose to reflect on that person's life, a summary of their loved ones or achievements in life and it was not suppose to be a small nine worded phrase that told you nothing about the unbelievably brave and trustworthy girl that's coffin was beneath but they were nowhere to be found. I noticed he didn't understand. He knew it was true but he just could believe, he told me once, "Once Isabella Swan dies then you must send me to Hell." I just glared at him, I must send him to Hell? Me? "Fat chance." Was my eloquent reply.

'_Here Lays Isabella Marie Swan. Beloved Daughter and Mother.' _

I knew those heart-breaking words haunted my brother's mind forever but it was necessary and was all part of the plan Rosalie and I devised, saying she left Forks, pregnant and heartbroken. One side of that is true. I always knew Charlie wasn't the best word-smith of our era but a shotty nine words isn't the most heartfelt thing he could have said about his only daughter. I suppose he was first diagnosis with his terminal cancer at the time they stopped searching for Bella and buried a empty casket. But Charlie knew his daughter; a quote would have been very Bella- I could think of a quote fitting her predicament. _"I have died many a death in love, and yet, had I not loved I would never have lived at all."_

I know that I shouldn't say such disrespectful things about the dead but Bella's coffin deserved a proper send off, because the owner of the coffin was probably running around the world right now with her unusual, only to the humans, way of getting around. I quickly glanced over the grave beside Bella's to read Charlie's headstone.

'_Charles William Swan. Adoring Father, Husband and Co-Worker. Will Be Truly Missed.'_

I remember sighing, neither Bella's nor Charlie's were very insightful. I had seen both graves so many times, it hurt me to come here knowing that there was a most definitely empty coffin and there was also one that was bearing a corpse.

Once a year, he goes to Forks unseen by the residents of Forks. Once a year, Carlisle and I follow him to watch over him. But soon the graveyard became rundown and bleak and vandalised. It looked like someone took a sledge hammer to it. This year we came and all stared at the grave of Bella Swan but saw no headstone. There was just a pile of broken rubble and dust. Only word small part of the headstone's inscription remained. Only one word seemed to survive the devastation and I knew immediately who the destructor of the graveyard was.

The only word left was- '_Mother.'_

_**Rosalie PoV**_

I hadn't found her. For years, I looked for her yet found nothing. I left my family who needed me the most right now and I just hopped on out of there, dragging Emmett with me. I truly am a terrible person.

I thought back to the last time with our family.

"_Hey, Emmett?" I called out to my husband who had a cute frown on his face, he was still ma a me for leaving the house for so long- I knew I'd have to make it up to him later._

"_Yeah?" He replied with a scowl on his perfect face._

"_Wanna move away from here for a couple years?" I asked him nonchalantly as if it wasn't the most important thing in the world to me and that I'd be going anyway, with or without him._

"_What?" He mouthed silently._

"_Do you want to leave?" I sounded out the words to him, like I was talking to a child._

"_Didn't you just hear me talk about me wanting to stay together?" He threw his hands up in the air. Yes I did hear him; I just chose not to listen to his words._

"_Yes, but I don't care." I flipped my hair back, "In other words: You. Have. No. Choice."_

"_B-but?" He stuttered out the words while scratching his raven black curls. I felt really bad for doing this to him, for putting him on the spot but it was necessary, I needed to go. It was essential that I went away from this family._

"_Unless you want to separate that is.." I eyed him up and down. I knew that he would follow me anywhere if I told him to but that didn't stop the look of pure shock and confusion on his face._

"_No! I love you, Rose. I'll stay with you forever." He came over to me and gave me a very passionate kiss on the lips. I noticed Edward looking away, from the corner of my eye, and walking up to his room, I later heard him packing his clothes away before really getting into the kiss my husband gave me._

_I pushed said husband away from me and said, "Pack your crap already, Monkey-Man."_

"_So, where are we going, Babe?" He asked me, I smirked at him._

"_Just a little town in Michigan." Evasiveness is a truly wonderful thing. _

I didn't even stay long enough to say farewell to Esme of Carlisle. Even though they were the people who took me into their loving arms and taught me how to live.

Evasiveness is a truly horrible thing.

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**I love this chapter. Even though Bella isn't in it, I still love it. I know I should do other people's POV because I'm only sticking to Bella's, Rosalie's, Alice's and Esme's but I told you before- I AIN'T GOOD AT MALE POV'S. I did this chapter in Three person PoV but it just didn't look good. Can you imagine it in Normal PoV... yeah.. it's worse than what ever you are thinking.**

**So is anyone confused? Everyone got this chapter okay? You know what to do if you don't. **

**YMCM.**


	13. Final Resting Place

**I hope you like this chapter. Just to explain, this happens before the last chapter, okay? It explains what happened to the gravestone. Hopefully. And you might see a familiar face in this chapter... Subtle hint..

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**_Bella PoV._**

**_Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me._**

The words echoed once more in my ever-sharp mind. Strengthening the crazed idea that emerged only a couple of weeks ago. I suppose, if I was being truly honest with myself, the idea itself was always in my head from the beginning, but that idle thought was no more than a dream that was so absurd, I never followed it. It had taken me over fifty years to focus myself and learn to control the raging monster inside me and even now, there were times were I wasn't sure, but after all the effort I put in, even with my _amazing self-control_ it took a long time but it was worth it. I was able to have what seemed to be a quarter life: nothing really to live for, no reason to die. Since I had nothing to live for, anymore, I should put. Here I was going to the place where this eternal nightmare all started, going there for the first time in over half a century. How much of the small rainy town had changed? Did it still hold the same sense of home as it used to? Would everyone I once knew be dead yet?

I know Charlie is dead now, he had gotten cancer when I was still a Newborn, so when I finally got the courage to contact him and tell I was alive.. he was at death's unfair door. I looked after him,ass much as a vampire could look after an old human man. Hhe said to Billy and his other friends that he was going away for treatment which was a total blatant lie, Charlie knew he didn't have much time left; he was like me, never wanting anyone to worry. That was the main reason why I told him what I was and who exactly changed me, it makes me smile now to see him so pissed, he started passing around to apartment I owned while he wheeled his drip around the living, yelling at me for letting _them_ into my life in the first place but he soon understood that most of the Vampire legend were just that: Legends. So he accepted me and let me be with him for the last few months of his life that was cut so short..

Phil and Renee and gone now too. They died in a car accident, some drunken idiot was speeding and Phil and Renee were just driving home from Wal-Mart. I didn't get to say good-bye to them but some day maybe I might get just enough with this world and _try_ and make my way to see my mom again.

I started singing along to the 'classic' song that was playing on the stereo in my black Porsche 911. It was also known as a classic now, oh how times have changed. Time isn't the only thing has changed; I learned that speed isn't necessarily a bad thing, hell, in fact it's a great thing! Feeling the wind in your hair as you run through a forest full speed after a hunt.. there aren't words for it.

Another changed is my demeanour, I mean, yes, I still have my wit and charm that always made me popular but I learned to forgive.. Well, I think I did anyway. Avoid love; isn't that what you are supposed to do when your heart is broken then burned in an excruciating fire that makes you change from one species to another? Avoid friendship or companion, another way to forgive someone who searches for you then changes you and finally leaves you saying it was all a big mistake.. Yep.. no bitterness here.

So I am now a lone wolf, excuse the pun, it's the way I liked it best. I always revelled in loneliness, I didn't need a mate or companion to 'complete' my life, and I was my own person having no one to look out for or consult was a great feeling of freedom.

I shook my head as I drove along the thin winding road into the small town of Forks. I slowed down as I saw some humans starting to turn around and gaze at my Porsche. A great sense of pride burst through me as I saw their envious and lustful eyes staring at my baby. I chuckled as some kids took out their cell phones and taking pictures of the car. It was the same everywhere I went, there weren't many 911s around anymore so seeing a mint condition one was odd.

I drove around for a couple of minutes, there was never anywhere you could really_ go_ to in Forks, there was the Lodge, School, the library, the police station.. erm...That's all? Honestly, there weren't many places I did go to when I did live here, it wasn't like I went partying all night and came stumbling home in the wee hours of the morning. I wasn't that type of girl. I only lived here just under a year and I only truly went to a couple places, sad really.

I knew there was one place I knew I had to go, even if it hurt me to be near it but I had to see it. When I reached my destination, I slowing emerged from the Porsche and walked hesitantly towards the cemetery. Could I go in here? Would it not be some weird rule or something? I should be in one of the graves six feet under yet here I was, walking among the living. Ironic seemed to be the word that most described my sort-of-life.

"Bella?" A weak voice called out to me, I'm sure it was only a whisper but of course it wasn't hard for me to pick it up, "Isabella Swan?" I froze, I hadn't been in the town more than an hour and yet I was recognised, Shit.

In my mind I flicked back to the back-story I made up earlier this morning before I started my journey from my last town. I turned around to where the voice was with a surprised and confused face. "Can I help you, sir?" I asked the old man in the wheel chair politely, with just the right amount of bewilderment in my voice. There was a younger man, a boy even, standing by the wheel-chaired elder's side, he apologetically smiled. As if to say, 'he's-just-a-confused-old-geezer.'

"Bella is that you?" The old man squinted his eyes.

"Do I know you, Sir?" I never really thought that anyone would remember me or even connect me to my other self. A lot had changed, I didn't even sound the same as I once did, I had the same bell-like chime as Alice and Rose has, a twinge of sadness peaked and disappeared quickly within me.

"You look just like her." He shook his head, "But she's gone. She left long ago."

"Who you talking about, Grandpa Mike?" The blonde haired boy asked his grandfather. Grandpa Mike. You gotta' be kidding me! Of all the people... Mike had a family, I laughed on the inside then sobered, even Mike got to have a family..

"Bella.."He mumbled. Did he not get over me after all this time? It had been fifty-four years.

"You could be talking about my grandmother. She was from here. I was named after her." That wasn't really a lie; I _was_ named after my grandmother. Grandma Marie..

"Grandmother?" He looked confused. "But she died when she was seventeen."

I looked at him strangely, "I'm sorry, no. She gave birth to my mother when she was twenty, that's what Mom used to say." I made sure my voice broke at the end and looked down, after all this time, I made sure I learned how to act.

"Ah.." The boy scratched his head, "I'm sorry about him, none of the Newton's have much conversational filter." You could say that again... "I'm Matt, by the way." He walked over to me and grabbed my ice cold hand, I noticed how his eyes widened as he touched my hand.

"I'm Bella." I chuckled, "It's really cold out here, isn't it?" I started saying to him to covering the coldness of my hand.

He smiled at me, "Yeah, only in Forks would it be this cold in September." I chuckled again, "So are you visiting family or.." he waved his hand.

"Actually I think I might be moving here for a while."

"Really?" I nodded, he face seemed to lightened, "That's great! I mean, that's cool.. I guess." He shrugged suddenly, he was very much like Mike used to be, "Will you be going to Forks High?"

"Yeah, that's the plan." I smiled at him, despite the want to hurry the conversation along. I wanted to see the graves. "Look I have to go right now. I'll see you around."

He grinned at me and his heart started pounding, I mentally rolled my eyes, was someone falling for me? One Newton was enough.. "Sure, whatever." He shrugged again.

I approached Mike, "Goodbye Mr. Newton. It was lovely meeting you." I smiled at him too, he smiled crinkling his eyes back at me.

"So much like your grandmother used to be." He whispered much to himself, again I still caught it and nearly frowned. How many people did I leave being when I left Forks? How many people did I hurt by my partly-selfish act?

They both waved at me as they walked away. I sighed out, their blood didn't bother me much, it was just like a tingle in my throat. I had managed not to ever drink human blood and I didn't want to start now. It pleased me to think that I was good at being a vampire. As horrible as it sounds, it feels like I finally found my place when I became a vampire..

I walked to where I knew the graves would be, I had never been here before but I always knew where they were, I was told by Charlie before he passed away. He always wanted me to come back home, he left the house he owned in my name and left everything to me. He was looking out for me even when I am a bloodsucking monster and while he is wherever you go after this life.

I quickly read the words on the stone with my name on it and froze. _'Here Lays Isabella Marie Swan. Beloved Daughter and Mother.' _

Mother? I kept dazing down at the piece of stone in front of me. What is the meaning of this? It was a mistake! I must have been a mistake! I-I never.. I mean.. was never pregnant. It was impossible now! It was definitely impossible when I was human, I had to be 'careful'. IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE! Unless people still believe in the Immaculate Conception. But I'm sure I'd remember having a child, so that wasn't an option either. I guess it did help my back story. So Bella Swan was just like Renee- A teen mom. Nice.

Yet a swarm of hurt and anger still flew through me. Who dared lie about me in such a dishonourable way? How could someone be so vindictive towards the DEAD? I was having a very hard time keeping my cool, I wanted to find the person who conjured the rumour up in the thick skulls and squeeze said skull until it was just little pieces of idiocy. Who? Who have to audacious to disrespect my father and myself! I wanted to kill them if they weren't already dead. Was it Edward?

If it was... I will find him and.. I couldn't even finish the threat! If it was him, when there was no way I would go near him without breaking down... again. But how could it be Edward? What would he gain with such a lie? It wasn't as if he let us get close to doing anything that would make me pregnant. It wasn't a smart thing to do the unholy deed before marriage. He wasn't brought up such a way... Bullshit.

If it was him.. he had a strange type of humour. Faking getting a dead girlfriend up the duff. Making little girls fall for him then smashing their hearts. Haha. Funny. Or was it Alice and Rose? They both knew that I was still alive and kicking but.. did they know I would come here? No they couldn't! They wouldn't keep checking up on me, even if they did. They didn't care about me because I was a mistake..

I finally lost it, ripping, with ease, everything I saw, punching the ornate stone with my name. Leaving the one word that hurt the most. Tearing the ground to shreds, Throwing trees about. I made sure I didn't wretch anyone else's final resting place, especially my father's who was beside mine.

Why did it hurt me so much? I said to Mike and Matt myself that I became a mother after I left Forks. So why did hurt to see it on print? My calm cool facade had slipped and I doubt anything would reel me in.. no one could bring me back since I was alone. Always alone.

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_**Quote from New Moon in the Italic/Bold print. Fitting right?**_

**Did you like it? How about Matt? Is that okay to have him as the new Mike, since Mike is old and decrepit..**

**So please review if you like it. Oh and I have put links of pictures of Bella's car on my profile with a few other cars that will come into the story soon. Another Subtle hint..**

**~YMCM**


	14. Déjà vu

**Another Chapter here. I seemed to be spoiling you, I uploaded quite a bit this week, ignoring my only story completely.. **

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It was hard being in this place I used to call home; it felt like I never left, it was like I was still the broken little human girl who lost the love of her life. The town itself didn't change at all, I could still direct myself around from place to place. The people, of course, had gotten older but I could see in their sons and daughters the traits of the human friends I used to know.

The school changed, but I knew it had very minimum changes, the school's main building still stood tall and in use and the other ones just had little improvements added to them, like new windows and a coat of paint.

I smoothed down the black jacket I made myself wear, I had to make it seem like I was as cold as the people around me looked. So I just stuck on a pair of jeans, t-shirt and a jacket, I didn't want to make the wrong impression, I didn't want them to find me a freak.

I was sure bringing my 'safe' car even made me look like a freak. My Ford Taurus was sitting prettily by all the rest of the rusty scrappy cars. I really should have thought through picking a black streamline car with tinted windows.. I didn't want my fellow students to think I was secretive. I couldn't imagine what the boys in the school would do if I brought the Porsche in with me, I thought about the wide eyes with a glassy look in them. On second thought, maybe the Taurus was the best choice.

I smiled to myself as I made my way from my car to the first building that had a small sign over on of the glass doors reading FRONT OFFICE. It hadn't changed in fifty years, I guess small towns never change.. A small sense of déjà vu hit me, showing me a fuzzy imagine of me park my red Chevy and walk into this same office. I guess my mind had chosen to blurrily replay my human first day of Forks High School.

The office was exactly like what it used to be for the exception of cushioned seats from the fold out chairs with a bit of padding on them, they seemed to have repainted the whole room and changed the flooring from orange-flecked carpet to a laminate wooden floor. There was still a large clock on one of the walls ticking annoyingly loudly in my sensitive ears.

"Can I help you, young lady?" I turned around to face a plump middle aged woman with red hair.

"I am Isabella Swan." I sighed to the woman; it wasn't oblivious to see the awareness lighten her bored gaze. Everyone around here seemed to know of my family, great. I guess I became some sort of a legend after I left here. I had expected to be the centre of some people's gossiping- I was the granddaughter of Bella Swan, who broken-heartedly ran away from home bearing a child.

She smiled at me politely, "Of course. I'm Miss. Cope." Another relative of my Ms. Cope. Everyone here seemed to get into the same area of work as their grandparents and parents had. She handed me over a sheet of paper, "I have your map of the school and your timetable all here ready for you. Get this sheet signed by each of your teachers and bring it back here by the end of lessons, and bring this note home to your parents for a signature."

Crap, this was going to be difficult. "I don't live with my parents." Curiosity flooded her eyes.

"Then by your guardian." She amended.

"I actually live by myself." I looked down from her gaze, "My parents died not so long ago and I have no other family but I was granted Emancipation of a Minor. I sent in all my details last week, it should be along with my birth certificate." I smiled at her and she started shuffling with the pages on her desk, she read on and blushed.

"I found it, oh Isabella, I am sorry for saying such a terrible thing. We are in a bit on a ruckus as we don't normally get new students around here ans now we have so many.." She shook her head.

"What do you many?" I asked her.

"We have a few more new arrivals, more than we had in years! There is a frenzy of excitement and confusion going on around here, have been for a couple of weeks now, everyone is so please that we have new faces in Forks."

I chuckled to her, "I'm not much of a new face, my great-grandfather was from here and so for my grandmother, so I must have Forks in my blood!" I smiled at her.

"Have a good day, Isabella."

"Thank you, but please call me Bella." I replied to her before waving and walking out of the front office and straight back to my Ford. The heard of males seemed to disappear when they saw me coming. I heard a collection of hearts beginning to thump louder. _Yes, I'm pretty. Get over it._ I wanted to scream at them to voice my frustration of the coming day somewhere, directing my anger somewhere. My anger not even related to them, just of my first day. My first day.. I wasn't having the best luck with firsts...

I sat inside my Ford memorizing my schedule, teacher's names and subjects. It took all of one minute for me to be able to recite each teacher and my timetable off by heart. I spent the rest of the time listening to other people's conversations, each one of them had something to do with me or the other new comers. They never said the names of the new comers though, maybe they haven't arrived yet. It relaxed me knowing that I wouldn't be the only newbie here today.

The first bell rang signalling the start of the school day, I stuffed all the sheets Miss. Cope gave me inside the empty bag I brought for books, sighing I opened to the door of my car, got out and locked it.

Here we go...

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**Couldn't really finish properly. I have a concert to play my violin at.. now. So shorter-than-expected-chapter today. Sorry.**

**Anyway. Did you enjoy this one? So there are more arrivals to Forks High than just Bella.. Hmm..Interesting and Totally NOT Predictable..**

**Review please!**

**~YMCM**


	15. Not Again

**I hope you guys like this chapter. It's good.. I hope. Please Enjoy!**

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The bell rang signalling my first lesson was over. English had always been my best subject, mainly because I read just a bit too much, as if that was possible. "You are Isabella Swan, right?" An overly-helpful looking geek asked me. He looked around 6'3 and had black hair, brown eyes and wore glasses. He resembled Eric Yorkie and I saw a bit of Angela Weber. My heart twisted a bit, was she dead as well? I tried to rid myself of thoughts of the past so I could look to my most-likely eventless future. If this truly was going to be a repeat of my first day oh-so-many years ago; I really hope _certain _events won't take place. I couldn't handle more of that trauma.

I cleared my throat in annoyance, "Bella, call me Bella." I smiled politely at him. It wasn't unnoticed to me that everyone that sat around the desk which I occupied spans around in their seats and stared at me and the geek like I was an experiment and he was the bravest man alive. I mentally rolled my eyes.

He nodded and grinned, "The name's Ethan. Ethan Yorkie." Of course he is! The irony of this was killing me, metaphorically obviously. First Matt Newton, then Miss. Cope, now Ethan Yorkie. Whose next Thomas Crowley? I shook my head, briefly. This really was annoying.

He stuck his hand towards me as if to shake my hand. Shit! I wasn't going to let him touch me and feel my cold dead skin, I had to do something to distract him. I dropped to notebook and one text book, which I brought with me, and let them fall silently to the ground. "Oops, dropped my books. I'm very clumsy." I whispered to him as he picked them up courteously for me. I wasn't actually clumsy, I just thought I'd play up one of my endearing human traits for once, as of Vampirism I became as graceful as_ them. _"Sorry." I apologise to him.

"No, no. It's fine." He waved it off; I gave him a small smile. "Where are you next?"

"Trig." I said to him with a sigh, that I put on, like I was dreading going to my next class. To be honest, I didn't care. I learned a lot more by myself when I was in Elk Rapids than I did when was 'alive' so I think Math with be fine.

"Bummer." He nodded to me. "I could bring you there if you want, I'm in Government now."

"Actually, this place reminds me of my old school and I think I know where to go; besides I have a map."

"Sure. Well, If you need anything I'm your man!" He winked, "I know the ins and outs of this hell hole." I giggled at his attempt of being cool, his face filled with happiness, "See you later, Skater."

"Bye." Later, Skater? What was that suppose to mean? I had been out of social contact for one too many decades..

After a few lessons other 'brave' individuals came up to me and started to make conversation with me. I remembered each name and face perfectly and had to mentally remind myself that I had to act human so I would sometimes call them a different name and apologise profusely, that was something that was humanly acceptable. I mean, no one (with a heart-beat) is perfect so of course I was going to mix up people's names.

The smells of each person wasn't bothering me a bit, I still couldn't really distinguish each smell and scent of each person yet so they all really smelled the same. After that one fiasco with Rose and the m ail man, I make sure I never was hungry when around humans.

One girl, Jenifer who sat boldly sat beside me, the new pretty pale girl, in Trig walked beside me to Lunch. I knew her intentions, it wasn't hard to guess, she wanted for everyone to see she was being nice to the newbie and making sure said newbie like the school. Not to mention, me being a vampire= hot. She thought she'd get popular by being near me, I heard the others whisper about it to one another as Jen and I passed. Jen was small even for her age, though not the most pixie-like person I'd ever met, but her intense curls made up for the height loss. She prattled on about each teacher and class that she knew and was in. I didn't try to keep up but somehow she annoyingly distracted me from everything else. I kept blinking and nodding every so often as if I was listening, sometimes saying 'yes' or 'no' when she asked me what I thought, it wasn't often though.

Something very sweet packed my nostrils. It was something sweeter than every human's smell. I didn't want to eat it, it was if it was alerting me that something was here, but what?

I frowned as Jen dragged me over to her table of friends. Ethan, the guy from earlier, caught my eye and waved over to me from across the big room. He was sitting beside Matt, the descendant of Mike Newton that I met near my grave yesterday, Ethan said something to Matt and they both looked over at me. Matt's eyes widened and waved energetically to me, I put up my hand to him.

"You know Matt?" Jen's voice was full of intention and implications; I saw a hint of jealousy in her gaze.

"I met him yesterday with his grandfather. He was very nice." That was all I said to her, she nodded and said nothing and started to drown her sorrows in the bagel she brought from home. "You not eating?" She asked me with a throat full of food nearly getting spit in my face.

"No, I don't eat lunch."I said quietly to her, she opened her full mouth to speak again but I cut her off, "How about you chew and then ask questions." She nodded frantically at my suggestion.I heard a gasp from the corner of the cafeteria, it was so familiar that I had to turn around. "N-no." I muttered aloud to myself, I knew no one at my table heard my exclaim. "Not again."

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**Oh, I do wonder what she saw in the corner of the cafeteria, what could be there? She asks sarcastically.**

**Do you like it so far? Does anyone have a favorite chapter yet? Or is it still too soon? Please tell me what you think.**

**I have a recommendation for you: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen by becymac666. It is hilarious. I don't know if she means to be but she made it so funny. Read it, it's on my favourite stories somewhere. You should read the comments too, they seem to make it even funnier. Especially these two people.. Good Times. Oh and yes. It says Forbiden. Not Forbidden. And Alsoe Tempation. Not Temptation. It is suppose to be like that.. I think. That's only the beginning of the speelin eerers.( I'm trying to be punny..)**

**~YMCM**


	16. You Let Her Die

**Here is more more angst-y-ness for you. I'll tell you now. There is a LOT more to come. So if you don't like that stuff.. why are you reading this type of story? Anyway, good news. EDWARD POV! PROPERLY! NOT JUST CRAP TWO LINES THIS TIME! I was listening to the Twilight Saga: New Moon Score as I wrote his part of this.. I found my muse for Edward writing..**

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**_Alice PoV_**

"Come home." I said into the headset, not caring about formalities or greetings.

"What do you mean come home?" She said back, she never cared for 'hello' or goodbye', besides she knew I was ringing her for one reason, the only reason that keeps us as a family and in contact to each other anymore.

"I mean, we are home, everyone is home."

"Everyone?"

"Yes." I replied, "By the way, Edward will be pissed when everything is revealed."

"It was necessary at the time, you know that, Alice."

"I know, but right now, I've seemed to forget that thought though."

"Have you _seen_ anything with her in it yet?" She asked me, she always did.

"No, Rose." I sighed, "I haven't seen her yet. But I have a feeling that I will, so come home."

"Home as in.."

"Forks. We are going to be Forks by September 12th."

"Okay." With that she hung up. I hope this will work, I thought before put the handset on the receiver.

_**Edward PoV**_

"No." I breathed out quickly. They can't, they can't do this to me.

"It's the only place left." Carlisle tried to reason with me. "You know we'd go anywhere else, but there is no where that could cater for our needs like Forks does." _You'll be closer to her, son, and I know you'd be there any chance you get anywhere. We all know where you go to when it gets too much. This is easier for us and you. Please consider it._

I could understand where he was coming from; I was always there hiding from everyone I knew, I could never get passed the gates most times and only ever tried to go near_ her.. grave.._ once a year, every year. It was my punishment; seeing where she was put to rest, to see that one word: 'Mother' ripping my heart out bit by bit each time I see it or imagine it, to remember that it was entirely my fault that I made my family leave, my fault that she had the choice to move on, that she did move on and meet someone, she even gave birth. My fault she died even when I left for that exact reason, I didn't want her to die, I wanted her to live.

I am truly a selfish creature for wanting her back now, even though I know it's impossible, God wouldn't want to give me her back, he knows how much I hurt her, the many times I did hurt her.

But even now, there is a small part still fighting the rest of me, fighting that I'd be able to feel it, to tell if she left this earth not matter the distance between us, it fought that I'd die too, my soul would leave with her, as it was hers. I should have felt it, I should have feel the pain of _her_ death, I should feel that _she_ was gone, I didn't feel that, I didn't feel anything, not anymore. Maybe it was because _she_ didn't love me anymore; maybe it was because _she_ had moved on and forgot about me the way my plan wanted her to.

"Edward, I've seen us there." Alice pointed out, "There is no fighting it." Her irritating know-it-all voice finally didn't hold any comfort to me, all those visions she used to have of.. her.. the last time we were in Forks, the ones were everyone were vampires. They can't happen now, I should have said yes at that prom, I should have given_ her_ what she wanted like I said I would, but my ego and selfishness got in the way and now I was alone and the one I loved was dead, how could Alice not see this coming?

Jasper sensing my growing irritation rapidly closed the space between me and his wife with his body making sure there was no way I could get at her.

"Jasper, get out of my way.." I demanded him, he looked at me and suddenly felt the wave of my anger, not just at Alice or him but at myself at letting _her _go and _my love_ for dying.

"Edward, you aren't thinking straight," He tried to calm me down but we both knew it wasn't working, "You need to be by yourself right now and.." He put his hand on my shoulder to try and help my mood brighten but I was beyond calming down. I couldn't go to Forks, knowing that I had _my Soul mate's_ blood on my hands, it doesn't matter how _she_ died, I was the cause no matter what.

I had to vent my anger somewhere and these two people who have to do as I have done enough anger on myself for fifty years. "I need to be by myself right now? _THANKS TO YOU_, I will be by myself for the rest of eternity. You were the one who couldn't control themselves around _her_, even I controlled myself, although _her_ blood was more attractive to me than any other vampire, I still kept the monster inside me, why couldn't you?" I yelled at him, throwing his hand off my shoulder. Jasper knew what I was doing, he knew that my rage and self-loathe just needed a different outlet.

"Edward, don't speak to Jasper like he's-"

"And you!" I growled at her, "The one person I thought could keep _her _safe better than I could, the only one who could see danger coming. You, who supposedly was _her _best friend, who 'loved _her _too', you let _her_ die." Alice gasped at my harsh words.

"You let _her _die." I spoke more to myself this time as I said the words aloud for the first time; I never admitted to anyone that _she_ was dead. I grabbed my head and pulled, wanting to rip away this 'beautiful predator' that _my soul_ loved so much.. "You should have stopped _her_."

"Edward.." She wrenched my hands away from my face and tugged at my arms to clasp onto her. She started murmuring soft words into my ear and rocked me to and fro like a child. Alice always knew what I needed, no matter how badly I treated her or the awful words I spoke to her, she always comforted me in the end, though I didn't deserve anything I got now.

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**Was this good? How did I do at Edward PoV? Please tell me! Did everyone get this chapter okay? **

**Please review and tell me.**

**I have a poll about Who Should Talk To Bella First In Broken? **

**Can I give a subtle hint to my most likely choice? Is a girl.. Isn't her creator..Who is it?**

**I've wrote out meeting chapters for nearly all the chapter's bar a couple, so Bella will get to shout at everyone! That's what I think's missing from these fics.. not enough yelling.. (joke.)**

**~YMCM**


	17. Hope

**New chapter. She sees someone now! Yah.. For us, not them... Enjoy it! And I _hope_ you have a good Easter!**

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**_Bella PoV_**

I ran from the cafeteria, knowing that I would be followed by one of them, not bothering to say to that Jen person where I was going.

I tried to be careful about running at human speed but I knew I was going a bit faster than acceptable, I just wanted to leave, get away from them. I didn't even look at them long enough to see his face. I just saw the beautiful blonde and knew I had to leave, get away from here.

As soon as I got out of the building I started sprinting into the forest, stopping at a large oak tree and slid down the bark.

"No, no, no.." I mumbled, "This isn't happening, this can't be happening.." I was dry sobbing. I couldn't let them see my pathetic quarter-life I've been trying to keep, see me like this! I couldn't..

"BELLA!" Her soft, stern voice called out to me. It was coming closer, I could recognise it anywhere.

My creator.

"Where have you been the last fifty years?" I called out to her once she reached my crouched feeble position, well, I more accused her. She left me when I was only a Newborn, she could have left me and I could have started drinking from humans! She just pranced off out of there and made me deal with everything by myself when she made me like this.. "Because I've been nowhere special." I said sarcastically, standing up in a more attractive pose, I was suddenly angry at her. Those weird mood swings..

"I've been following you to nowhere." She shot me her comeback, I clenched my fist, she had been following me.. Sure.. That lie is up there with Santa Clause and The Easter Bunny..

I was pretty irritated that she had the audacity to lie to me after everything. One thing I had held onto through the years is the past..."Are you going to tell him?" I asked her, she knew what I meant. I wasn't sure if her brother knew of her changing me even though he promised me that his family would leave me alone...

"About what? Meeting you here? No." She asked as she crossed her arms across her chest, she knew which thing I meant, she was resisting me, avoiding the question.

"No, I mean of your mistake." I spat looking down at the ground, unable to meet her gaze.

"When the time is right." She muttered. WHEN THE... Was she serious? "I'll tell him soon, just give me time."

I chuckled emotionlessly at her answer, "So he doesn't know?" She shook her head, "You're kidding me. You got to be kidding me. You want time? I don't have to do anything for you after all this." I gestured to my body. I wanted to stay calm, I didn't want to blow up in Rose's face, and I didn't want to hurt her..

"He hasn't been in the best shape in a while so I couldn't hurt him more."

"Awh, he's sick? Shame." I quipped and then laughed once again without humour because I still couldn't get over that he didn't know about Rose changing me, "Let me get this straight: Edward doesn't know that his _sister_ changed his ex-girlfriend, when she fell off a cliff running from that guy, whom _he killed, _James'crazy mourning mate. Is that right?"

Rose huffed, "Basically."

"Basically?" I nodded. There was silence between us for a while, unable to speak to each other, even after everything we'd been through together.

I see she was conflicted by something, raging with herself to say something. I saw she mustered up the courage to say whatever she needed to, "Did I say to you 'I'm Sorry'?"

"Once or twice." I answered quietly, I didn't want to talk about _this_, she was sorry, I knew that but it didn't change much. I was still hurting and I didn't know where I belonged anymore.

"Well, I'm going to say it again, Sorry. I'm truly sorry. You have no idea how sorry." She stumbled at the end, she grabbed onto my arm desperately trying to get me to understand what she was saying, "Believe me, Bella. I'm destroying myself because of what happened and how things turned out. Alice doesn't get it, she didn't leave someone who was broken hearted and a totally different species.. I can't talk to her about it.." She cried helplessly. She had no one to talk to.. So what?

"You left so abruptly, I thought someone had died or something." I confessed my worries, "I thought someone was hurt, I was passing around the house in the Rapids for weeks and.." I cut myself off, I really didn't want to talk about this anymore..

"No one dead, but you're close, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead if Alice's letter was right- Edward knew where we were, well, he knew something about Elk Rapids at least."

I nodded my head, "Makes sense that you'd leave, you were supposedly on a trip to Paris and all." I mused, more to myself than to her.

"Shouldn't you be shouting at me, ripping my arms off, or something?" She asked me, "You seem entirely too calm." She still had her hands clutched to my arm, I knew she wasn't going to let go and I didn't want her to.. I missed her..

"I yelled at you enough for changing, I mean, I was pretty tough on you I guess. You saved me from death and had to go against your predator nature to do so." I smirked, "Besides, I'm pretty now." I put my free hand onto the top of hers in a friendly gesture.

She laughed, "Thank you for understanding, Bella, I know you must want to kill me right now inside your mind." She looked at me for a fleeting second, "Do you hate me?" She seemed more vulnerable now than she ever looked like to me beforehand; Rose actually was opening up to me.

"Well, it's me." I joked, "I am the one with the super self-control."

She laughed, "That's right. Do you have any extraordinary gifts or powers?"

"That's for me to know..." I flicked my nose with the index finger of the hand that was onto Rose's.

"Please tell me." She asked me.

"This is not the right place to discuss such things, I promise to tell you later." I smiled at her. It was so easy to forgive Rosalie, I didn't know why it was but it was something in her eyes that tells you about the pain she was in.

"Good, I'm looking forward to it." She nodded and then sobered drastically, "You are going to make them all hurt, right?"

"No, I'd never do that.." I looked at her with the right about of irony in my eyes, she looked sternly back at me, Strict Closed Rose was slowly slipping back into her own golden orbs, "I won't make them hurt, just make them understand that.. I was in pain for a long time."

Rose shook her head, "I'm not going to stop you, just don't cause _him_ too much pain, you have no idea what he's been through."

"Neither do you, as you were following me for the last half century." I shot back at her.

"True," She allowed it then, "but there are these magically devices called cell-phones."

I glowered at her and her comment, "Alice gave me a running commentary over the phone for the last decade or two."

"You really didn't go back to them?"

"For a couple of hours then guilt swallowed me up, and I forced Emmett to come with me to find you." She admitted it.

"Forced?"

"He and... Edward," I winced as she said the name, "were fighting over ... Edward," I winced once more, "leaving, he wanted to go away for a while and Emmett was spitting out all the crap about how family should stay together then I walked in and saw what was going on waiting ten minutes and told him I was leaving and if he loved me, he'd follow me."

"Charming." I imputed, she smirked at me. "Did Emmett know.. what happened?"

"No, he still doesn't." She looked down.

"We'll be fine." I stated.

"How can you say that? You are supposed to be a dark, cynical bitch now." I let that go because it was true. I was a bitch now.. and Edward was destined to see that.. soon.

"I hope. That's all I can do now.. Hope." I told her.

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**Did you like it? This is Bella being calm, so don't think this is her, I don't know, yelling at Rose or pulling the head off her or anything..**

**Okay, I can tell you something.. Edward and Bella will talk.. Or Shout... or whatever, eventually. Not right away, okay? I already wrote it... And a couple other things, but can't upload them because I next chapters to bring them together.. Suckish right?**

**So review and tell em if you enjoyed this! I wonder who she'll talk to yet.**

**~YMCM**


	18. Intense Beauty

**I know this took a while to write but I think you'd prefer this verison to the previous really crappy short verison I had. The main reason why it took such a damn long time was the Edward's PoV-y-ness in it. I couldn't have anyone else in here and I needed to learn how to do Edward's PoV so it took awhile of fails after fails after fails. On a happier not: p****lease enjoy!**

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**__**Edward's PoV**_

Things had all changed when we left Forks. For the first two years I had lived alone, existing on a rage and anguish, unable to do anything but mourn and drown myself in grief. Even once I had crawled back to my family, weakened by months of infrequent hunts and nearly demented with misery, I found it almost impossible to connect with them, especially when they were_ together _in their pairs. Every touch or whispered word to their other half only blackened my soul more than the memories of Bella's beautiful face did. Thankfully, my family tried their best to protect me from it and were very careful to avoid closeness and physical_ love_ in front of me, but there was only so much that could be done; every night I still heard and saw what they thought. The pain I felt from witnessing such love had not lessened over the years, but I had learnt to ignore and confine it, reducing it to little more than an aching throb in the place where my heart had once been.

_This is ridiculous, I'm sick of everyone being cautious around him. It's time. Rose and Emmett are home and we are going to try and-_

I opened the door disgruntled, cutting off Alice's thoughts mid sentence.

"What?" I asked her, my voice husky and rough from no use. Alice scrutinized me and by the look on her face I knew that I must have been awful looking. "Morning, Alice." I said after she stared at me disbelievingly at my lack of formalities.

"Yes," she said, her eyes narrowed, "it is the morning, so why aren't you dressed?" I opened my mouth to defend myself, but she ruthlessly cut me off. "That crap," she gestured at my crumpled black shirt and cargo pants, "does not count as _dressed_. I wouldn't send _that_ to the homeless shelter! Go and put on some suitable clothes Edward, and please try to remember the fact that you're starting a new school today and _some of us_," she put a deadly emphasis on the words, "still care about first impressions."

I looked at Alice with a mixture of shock and disbelief. She hadn't been this frank with me since… well, for a long time. What had changed her demeanour so radically? And why, I suddenly realised with suspicion, was she now blocking her thoughts from me? Well, now that I paid attention to them properly. I stared at her with new concentration, and I thought I saw a look of smug satisfaction lit up her face. Before I could be sure of what I had seen, however, she turned skipped away down the hallway, humming as she went only to turn around to call briefly over her shoulder: "Outside, five minutes. Hurry up, or Rosalie will drive us to school."

I watched the empty space where she had just been for a moment, trying my hardest to decipher her thoughts as she flew down the staircase. I retreated to my room in defeat and hastily threw on some clothes, not even bothering to glance at my reflection in the mirror before I sprinted away down the stairs. There was no way I was letting Rosalie drive after her being away from us for so long.

The car was quiet on the way to school. It wasn't a long journey, especially not when you factored in my preferred driving speed. The vehicle was new, still a Volvo, my favourite type of car. It had been non-verbally agreed that we would not be driving my old car, not because it was older than the students who would be our classmates, but because I didn't allow anyone near the car.

_Not when every inch of it still held Bella's scent_. I thought to myself.

As I drove I knew that my siblings were mentally preparing themselves for another start at yet another High School. It was a tedious process for all of us; we had all graduated with honours from University time and time again, but I knew that this time the new beginning would be infinitely harder for me. Today would be the first time I had set foot in a school or even voluntarily entered the presence of humans since we had left Forks so long ago. I was fortifying myself, therefore, for the inevitable onslaught of emotions and memories I would undoubtedly feel the moment I set foot in the familiar hallways that Alice said hadn't changed one bit.

On my return to the family, Carlisle and Esme had been unendingly patient with me and would have been prepared to stay in Alaska for decades, if doing so helped me come to terms with my loss. However deep down, I knew that I could not combine myself from civilization evermore and it was clear that Carlisle yearned for his work and the rest of the family, Rosalie and Emmett were still away from us, missed Washington. So, by Alice's request, we had returned, as a result, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and I had all been obliged to enrol in High School...again.

We arrived with about fifteen minutes to spare before morning classes began. Alice was the first to exit the car, bounding out of the door with the same indecent eagerness she had shown earlier. The others looked at me, slightly perplexed as we more demurely followed her.

"Don't ask me," I muttered, "She's blocking me, again." Rosalie rolled her eyes and allowed Emmett to hold the car door open for her, flashing him her signature stunning smile as she tossed her curtain of blonde hair over her shoulder. He grinned back, putting in her all too capable hands and took her arm. She hadn't been the same since they returned, her mind always far away from us, she was always thinking about some cliff in Elk Rapids. That was still a mystery to me.

"What?" Alice reputed, "I'm guess excited. It's been awhile since I learned anything interesting."

"So why are we in high school, if you want to learn something interesting." Rose shot back with a haughty glare.

"Lighten up, babe." Emmett murmured to his wife, "It'll get better." They walked together towards Alice, who was waiting by the front steps of the school, watching the humans go by and stare at us all with mild amusement.

_Edward?_

I looked away from my excitable sister, to see her husband, Jasper next to me with his hands shoved deep into his coat pockets. He was examining me with concerned, but not pervasive eyes.

_Are you alright?_

He posed the question without words, quiet anxiety in his mind. We both knew it was pointless; he could sense my emotions and I could hear his findings in his thoughts, but I appreciated his asking all the same. I nodded my head, slowly.

"I'm dealing with it," I replied, my voice too low for anyone but him to hear. He nodded, though it was clear from his eyes that he did not believe my lie. He knew what I meant, the pain, I was trying to deal with it. Trying to.. and failing miserably.

_I know you are trying to. _He paused_, Edward, I'm not going to pretend that I've have an inkling about what you're going through_ _because I don't really. But I do know what struggling through __**this**__, _he inclined his head towards the school,_ is like and I'm here to help you through it, we all are. Things will be easier._

There was a new arrival to school. Many people have commented on her 'intense beauty', though I knew she couldn't compare to the intense beauty who once loved me, I never saw her face in their minds, Alice said that she was a vampire who shared our diet but didn't know anything else. I supposed knowing that she was a vampire; made me extremely wary not just because of the risk of the vampire exposing us for what we truly are but for maybe getting involved in our lives, I didn't want another person to join our family when my love's missing space can never be filled.

I went through my morning classes without much hassle from the mortals, the only trouble I seemed to have to deal with was the lustful thoughts coming from the girls who see me in the hallways and in the classrooms. Alice made sure either her or Jasper, he was posing as a junior this time with Alice and myself, were in one of my classes at all times, they still seem to think I was suicidal. I have to admit, it was too late to act on, I could only live out this dreary life now, I was like Marcus from the Volturi, depressed and lonely; only ever thinking about the past now.

At lunch, my family and I sat at _our_ table, the one in the corner of the room where everyone avoided, it was the table we sat at long ago; the good students of Forks high school had learned that we didn't like socializing outside our family pretty quickly after us being there a couple weeks, playing with the revolting food in front of us and started into different directions, each doing something different.

Alice was looking through her visions to try and learn about the new vampire who currently was walking to the lunch room. Jasper was absorbing the feelings of those around the new vampire and paid special attention to hers. _Dread, restraint, self-loathing, numb. _Numb? And Self-loathing? After hearing this from Jasper's thoughts I searched around the school's thoughts and looked for the vampire's.

_Soo hot, I bet I can tap that before Matt can.._ It was disgusting how he thought the new girl as a piece of meat about to be eaten or a toy waiting to be played with. I always wanted to laugh, the chance of Ethan Yorkie making love to a vampire was very slim.

_The bitch knows Matt.. I wonder just how well she knows him.. I wonder if she can get me.. _I stopped listening to Jen's thoughts; the tenor of Jen's thoughts was scarily similar to her grandmother Jessica's.

_I wonder why she was graveyard yesterday, she seemed really sad. Grandpa Mike went crazy about her after we left telling me all about her grandma's history...The ol' coot said she ran away from Forks. Can't blame her... _Matt's thought were insightful and annoying at the same time. His grandfather Mike knew this vampire, which means that she has lived in Forks before and said she ran away. I don't know any vampire's that ran away from Forks.

I tried to single in on the vampire's thoughts but just found an empty, silent space where I should hear a voice. The only person, vampire or otherwise, who I can't hear is... dead.

I looked down at the table, sad for a moment. Jasper put an hand on my shoulder lightening my mood drastically, I smiled thankfully, after that Alice came out of a vision and whispered quietly to us, "She is about to speak in a minute, I _think._" We nodded at her, no one doubting this was true, I knew we were all beginning to listen to the conversation between Jen and the unknown vampire.

"You not eating?" Jen's voice full of food spoke to the new vampire, I was facing the wall so I couldn't just turn around and stare at her.

"No, I don't eat lunch."A familiarly beautiful voice spoke quietly to her, so familiar.. Sounds exactly like..."How about you chew and then ask questions.

I heard a gasp from Alice gasp. _So much more beautiful._ She thought, seeming to forget that I could hear. _Rose was right._

I span around in my seat to look at the vampire, all pretences dropped at stared at this vampire. My breathing stopped and time seemed to stand still. There sat _my_ intense beauty, _my_ soul, _my_ world. Our gaze met for what seemed to be forever. I stared into her now golden eyes, wondering how she could be alive. I looked over her beautiful, if it had been beautiful before I left, now that beautiful seemed to magnify. There were no words for the way I was feeling. To see her face again, when I lost all hope was the greatest pleasure. Then the dream fell apart when I realized she was the vampire meaning...Bella was the vampire.

Frozen time began to tick again and I blinked, she was already gone from the room, with Rosalie hot in her pursuit. "S-she's here.. and _alive.. _Vampire, Bella is a_ vampire._." I said lamely. Emmett's mouth dropped open in shock and Jasper let out a low whistle, when they broke out of the shock.

"What are you going to do?" Jasper asked, but I could tell he was already anticipating my response, he knew me too well not to. I shrugged and closed my eyes as a new wave of hurt swept me, leaning my head against the table where we sat, watching the wake of Bella left the room with Rosalie, strangely, following her, and clutching my chest where my heart used to be. There was silence for a moment. For just a moment.

"This is excellent!" Emmett grinned happily. I lifted my head slowly from the lunch table to look at him incredulously and from the corner of my eye I could see Jasper doing the same thing.

"How," I asked bitingly, "is this excellent?" Emmett stared at me as if I was brain damaged or had some mental illness.

"Edward," he said slowly, "Bella is alive. _Bella_. Remember her? The love of your life? The reason for your sorry existence?" I growled at him in frustration and turned away, pinching the bridge of my nose as I leaned back in my seat.

Jasper took one look at my irate position and shook his head at Emmett warningly. Emmett's eyes moved between us, his brow furrowed. "Am I missing something here? Bella is back in your life after years of you thinking she was dead. You guys can start over or pick up where things left off. How is this _not _excellent?" I didn't bother to answer him, knowing he would get there eventually. It didn't surprise me that Emmett could only see the good side of this situation; to him everything was always as simple as right and wrong, black and white and, though I would never admit it, a small part of me envied that perspective. Emmett's eyes widened as comprehension hit him. "Wait a minute," he said, his eyes widening, "you're not going to talk to her? Are you're going to leave again?" I inclined my head in acknowledgment. "Edward, that's _insane_!" Emmett cried angrily, "What the hell is wrong with you? If you didn't guess, she's a vampire! She couldn't look that young otherwis-"

He didn't understand, after the pain I put her through. Bella couldn't want me. I had lied and blackmailed my family into leaving Forks just to get away from her and to let her live a happy normal human life. I guess I can't say she is living a normal, human life but at least she looks happy. I sighed into myself, of course Bella wasn't happy. Jasper assessed her emotion's only moments ago and she hated herself. That was my fault. The only thing I could do for her now was leave and lessen the damage that would surely happen if I were to stay.

I stopped listening to Emmett's tirade, as Alice let out another high sigh. "Alice," I breathed, and suddenly everything clicked into place. Alice's inexplicable good mood morning, her blocking her thoughts, s_he knew_, as in knew Bella was a _monster_, looked up at me in surprise, her thoughts still blocked, but I could sense a flicker of uncertainty in her otherwise calm face.

"Did you see this?" I snarled at her roughly, forcing my frustrations that should be directed towards myself out on someone else, "Did you?"

"I-" Alice coughed, unable to speak as she stared at my furious gaze.

"Answer me, Alice." I growled, "Did you _see_ this happening? Did you see her get changed?" I could feel my body shaking in anger. Alice looked at me in alarm. I was about to shout at her again, to force her to tell me the truth, when I felt a heavy hand grip my shoulder. I looked up to see Jasper glaring at me, Emmett ready to restrain me if I got too out of hand.

"Let it go." Jasper said, menacing twinge to his otherwise calm voice. I sighed, becoming aware of the relative hush that had fallen over the neighbouring tables as the humans had noticed the exchange going on before them. I felt a wave of calm hit me, courtesy of Jasper and I staggered back in my seat, slightly dazed. Suddenly the walls of the hallway felt as though they were pressing in on me.

"Edward," Alice whispered in a voice too low for human ears, "I can't answer you when you are about to break this table in two. I will explain eventually but you have to not take what I, or anyone else say the wrong way, which I know you will do if I don't make you promise." She looked at me imploringly and I could hear the truth in her thoughts. However this didn't stop the new rush of anger I felt tugging at the edges of my artificial calm.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked shakily, my own emotions, now ashamed for what I said to my favourite sister, fighting against the ones Jasper was forcing upon me, he was still trying to make me calm.

"Because I knew you would overreact like this!" She cried her expression clearly exasperated, her eyes narrowing. "Edward, when we left Forks you ordered me not to look into Bella's future. I tried to do as you asked because you are my brother. You told me that I wasn't allowed to visit, write to or contact Bella in anyway. I had to try and pretend that Bella never existed effectively. Once more, I obeyed your _command _because you are my brother. I had basically killed my memory of my best friend-" I growled angrily at the word 'killed', but she continued regardless, "left my home where I was comfortable and my life behind. She went looking for you, don't forget that. And don't you _dare_ tell me what I do and do not have a 'right' to do."

"Quit it, Edward." Emmett nudged me, trying to get me sane once again, "You are fighting a losing battle against her." I looked at him, ready to argue with him, but I sighed, sick of fighting with everyone; Emmett was right, it shouldn't surprise me, but Emmett was right. I felt the after guilt and shame from my outburst, I had to get away from there.

I got up from our lunch table and steeled away from the room and began to make my way home. I was happy that Bella was alive and well, wanting to run to her and beg for forgiveness before kissing her soft sweet lips was the only thing running through my mind but there was a small voice in my head reminding me that someone had made her into the thing I tried to protect her from becoming. That person will be punished.

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**Was this acceptable for a first sight chapter? Did I do it well? More importantly: did you like it? Please tell me what you thought about it!**

**Question: Who should Bella speak to next? Esme or Emmett? I'm thinking Emmett. It can't be Alice or Jasper or Edward and I haven't written one for Carlisle.**

**Another question: Should I do a Bella meeting Carlisle chapter? It would make the story drag out a bit longer but might be nice to see some father-figure/daughter-figure love.**

**Your choice.**

**~YMCM**


	19. Eternal Darkness

Ahh! Don't shoot! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update! Don't virtually kill me for taking my time! I had A LOT of bad stuff going on recently, I won't bore you with stuff you probably don't give a shit about, but I tried to take time to write and guess what? It didn't happen.. so I only got to write this much... Did I say SARRYYYYYYY yet? :( SARRY!

**Please enjoy. (If anyone is still reading this story, that is..)**

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_**Alice PoV**_

The whole house still smelt of her freesia and strawberry mixture, it was mixed with must and damp, but it was still the same. Like she had never left, though if that were true we wouldn't be in this position: Pain.

I knew Bella was out with Rosalie, they were still talking about her past after Rosalie came home to us for that short time after Bella was Changed. I still had plenty of time left of Lunch to look around her home to see if she had okay. Who was I kidding? I didn't want to see if she was okay, I wanted to see is she still had a small part of the human Bella I once knew. I wanted to see if Bella was still there, selfishly, may I add. I wasn't doing this for her or Edward; I was doing this for myself. Just like I had done when I left her so many years ago. I left because I was covering my own ass like so many times before.

Shaking my head, I kept looking around her room. It was like I walked into the past, when I stepped hesitantly into her room. She hadn't been home for long, only arrived in Forks days ago, so she didn't have time t change her house around. The room looked exactly like it had when she was human, yet it seemed barren. Everything was the same, the bed was still there, without any bed covers or pillows n it, the God-awful yellow curtains were still there on the curtain rail and that small picture, ironically, of a wolf still was hooked onto the wall beside the door. Minus the music or books on the floor or the organised disorganisation, it was like anything that reminded her of my family or Edward; she dismissed and shut out of her life. The dust that had collected on top of her desk tickled my nose, making me look over to that desk; it had a box labelled clothes on it and another small cardboard box with no label.

I walked over to it. For once I didn't care that I was a meddling busybody and carefully opened to the box and found streams of paper inside. I studied the pages and saw that they were in fact letters, tons of them, all addressed to Rosalie. Was she the only one Bella will ever let into her life? I knew that they would have made up before the Lunch bell rang. Will Bella love me again?

I stifled my cry as I unsuccessfully tried to avoid the small sliver stains that were on each of them. Seeing this brought all my pushed down anguish to a boil. The last fifty –or-so years had been a mistake. All this pain wasn't supposed to happen; I hadn't seen it in my visions, somewhere along the way life had taken a wrong turn. This present wasn't the perfect future that was planned out for Bella or Edward, this wasn't right. This was like hell on earth for both of them. I knew that. I could see it in my brother's eyes and I just saw it on this agonizing letters. I had to make it right. Fifty years of letters were before me, I began reading them solemnly, nearly choking as I read them.

_Rosalie,_

_I don't know exactly what I'm doing right now, writing a letter to you, because what good will that do me? It won't give me the closure that I so desire, it won't make me whole again. I don't even know where you are so I can't even send this, not that I'd want to anyway. I don't ever want you to see this. To see me. This feeling... I don't know what it is but I know that as long as I can stand being on this planet, I will run away from you. As fast as I can, because I don't want the sorrow and pity that your family showed me so long ago to come back. I want to be able to break away from the tight grip you have on me. Please forgive me. _

_Bella._

I shook my head; did she really think that sort of thing? That we felt sorrow and pity for her? It was love and longing. We just wanted her! This must be what Edward feels like to read a person's mind. To see their secrets. To know their pain and anguish, I knew I received a new found respect for my forever-suffering brother. I began to read another one:

_Rose,_

_You don't know how it feels, you couldn't know, no one does, but I don't expect you or anyone else to. I can't describe it properly, my feelings, but the closest word I can think of is Hollow. I feel empty inside knowing that if you saw me like this now that you'd be so ashamed of me. All I can think about now, in my eternal night is how it would be better if you hadn't saved me from Victoria then so many more people would have no regret and could enjoy their lives. And I could finally enter the dreamless hour of darkness that I so long for._

_Bella._

Hands shaking, I left down that single sheet of paper. I finally came to the conclusion that Bella couldn't have been the one to write such a letter. It was like a suicide note left to a distraught family. I realized that was exactly it; it was basically a confession for wishful death. **Bella wanted to die. **But Rosalie had taken that privilege away from her. She took away that luxury... I froze with a pang when I thought that Rosalie wasn't the only one who had a part in this. If it wasn't for me then Rosalie would never had left in seek of Bella and never would have changed her into a vampire. In fact it was more like I was the main culprit in this murder. I was the real monster here.

_Rosalie,_

_I never remembered this before but tell Alive that I loved her with all my heart. She was my best friend but felt more like a sister to me. Of everyone to lose, she hurt the most. I loved her dearly and she left me... Sometimes, though I don't like to admit it, I forget what she looks like. What they all look like. I usually try to stop myself thinking about the past, and your family but during the evening, when I have nothing to do but wish, I go near the ocean, only them can I think of them, of you, of the past. That is the only happy times in my life now. It is the only times I allow myself to remember so because it eases my pain when I hear the waves and see the sunset, it reminds me that despite my pain, there were many good times of my human life, but I am always blinded by the bad. Isn't that always the case? I can't always remember details of Alice's smile or of Emmett's curls so I draw them as I watch the sun set in the west. I draw all of them; Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Esme and Carlisle. I draw you also; your beauty isn't hard to forget because you were there in the start of my new life. I draw Jake, my saviour in the form of a human; he saved me from the light engulfing my soul when you all left Forks when I was mortal. I draw all my old friends, Ren__é__e and Charlie and everyone I can think of. I don't draw the one person I miss the most though. I never forget his face or the heart-shattering words he told me. Please don't forget me._

_Bella._

Forget her? She thinks it's possible? I would never forget someone I love so dearly. I could never forget the girl I called my best friend. I could never forget Bella just as much as I could never forgive myself.

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**This seemed to be a lot more depressed than I thought it would be. I'm sorry if any of you are going to go slit your wrists in sorrow a couple of times now. NOT MY INTENTIONS. If you though this was good please say! If you thought this was a pathetic excuse for a story... tone down the harshness in your head then give me a critically review!**

**~YMCM.**

**P.S. I'M SOWWWAARRRAEEEEE! (Translation: I'm Sorry.)**


	20. Esme's Encounter

**I suck, I know. It has been a month or so since I updated but I've been very busy recently. I just did a violin exam, which I needed to do hellva lot of practise for. And this isn't the easiest story to write. You need to be in a certain state of mind. But recently I've been extremely happy, for reasons unknown maybe it's because it's nearly Summer or maybe it's because I'm gogint o see You Me At Six in December (such a long time away..) or maybe it's one of those emotional teenager things.**

**It has been a month or so, I know but I've been very busy recently. I just did a violin exa, which I needed to do hellva lot of practise for. And this isn't the easiest story to write. You need to be in a certain state of mind. But recently I've been extremely happy maybe it's because it's nearly Summer or maybe it's because I'm gogint o see You Me At Six in December (such a long time away..) or maybe it's one of those emotional teenager things.**

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**Esme's Encounter**

_**Bella PoV**_

It was late at night before I came home. I just spent the day with Rose talking about unimportant things. We never once mentioned her family or my life so far. It was better that we were kept in the dark with each other's lives, even though deep inside my heart was clenching with interest and wonder, what had Rosalie been doing since she left me in Elf Rapids? Obviously she went back to wherever it was the Cullen's were subsiding at the time but I wanted to know what they did next, everything, I wanted to know what they _all_ did after they left me.

It was as I entered the threshold of my home, I smelt it. The smell of a vampire. Not just any vampire but of a vampire I had been best friends with while I was mortal. It was the scent of Alice Cullen. Why would _she_ be in my house?

I ran upstairs to follow the sweet stench; it let straight to my bedroom. How dare the little imp come into my house and then enter my bedroom? Wasn't there a law against that sort of stuff?

It was when I walked into my bedroom and saw the ruffled pages of white paper over the bed and on the ground, I truly felt anger. Alice knew of my suffering now, I wrote that stuff down to vent my sadness somewhere and it wasn't as if I had a better outlet for it, unless you count hunting animals for their blood.

I ran over to the cardboard box where I usually hid those personal private letters, or confessions more like it, and noticed that something else was missing. Something much more visual.

The bitch took my sketch-pad. She took the pad where I kept all my drawings and painting of her family in.

_**Emmett PoV**_

"She's alive!" I called as I ran straight from school to our home not caring that I was skipping all my afternoon classes just to tell them, Esme wouldn't mind once she heard the news. "She's alive." I yelled to no one as I sped into the house; Esme perked her head out from the office she had there, it was where she did her work; designing rooms for the next house or drawing pictures of the garden.

"What is wrong, Emmett?" She asked me with the motherly look of concern on her face, "What are you talking about?" She took another look at me before realising what I was yelling about she then suddenly appeared in front of me grabbing my large hands in her slender petite ones, "A-are you talking about who I think you are?"

I simply nodded to lost, myself, for words."H-how? How is it possible? She went missing and was presumed dead soon after we left."

"Her body it seems was never found." Jasper said from the front door of the house, he seemed more reserved than ever now, seeing Bella must have brought up the bad memories that our family had tried to repress for fifty years. He was turning back into the depressed and regretful version of Jasper that I had known back when we left Forks first, it was a sad sight to see and I never wanted to see again as long as I had time on Earth. "She must have been Changed in Forks and then had her body moved." He said looking to his feet which seemed planted to the floor.

"This is wonderful news." Esme sobbed, clenching her fist towards her heart as if it was starting to beat again, "My family back to me at last." She sighed with her eyes closed, grateful to whatever higher power was out there, probably, before she opened her eyes and again and looked to Jasper, "Where is Edward? Does he know?"

"I don't know, he ran out after seeing Bella and went to go hunt I think, and yes, he definitely knows, he had a big hissy fit at us because his ex-girlfirend happened to be in the same high school as us, even though this is her home town. I guess he probably was more shocked that she was _alive _rather than in Forks." I answered Esme seeing as Jasper seemed to be off on his own train of thought, "Esme, it was weird seeing her. She has changed so much, she seems... sad. I don't know how to explain it but all around her seemed to be this aura of blankness, like she wasn't there."

"That's because there isn't anything there." Jasper whispered to us, "The Bella we used to know didn't seem to be there. Her emotions are so strong and full of hate and anger. The feelings seemed constant; loathing everyone but shockingly she despises her very existence the most of all. She hates_ being_." Was that why Jasper was in such a mood after seeing Bella? Did she hate us so much that it still was affecting the Empath in our family even though she had left the school grounds way before we tried to go home? Why did she hate herself though? It made no sense to me.

Shaken after what she heard, Esme stayed quiet, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. But it didn't take me to be Jasper to figure out how she was feeling- her emotions were written on her face- Pain.

Coughing unnecessarily, I tried to talk about something else, to defuse the situation slightly with a more light-hearted topic. "It gave Rosy a real scare." I said rubbing the back of my head as the awkward tension in the room continued. Despite everything, my dead heart seemed to jump as soon as I said Rosalie's name, it always had been that way ever since she saved me from that blessed bear, she has always made my insides freak.

"Really?" Esme said doubtfully, it wasn't a huge secret about Rosalie's distaste for Bella, she never hid her open hatred for the human girl but the way Rose seemed to run out after her showed me that maybe Rosalie had seen the error of her ways when it came to Bella. Maybe after seeing the unravelling of the threat of our family she decided that we needed Bella Swan. And not just because it was never dull with her around.

"She tailed Bella as soon as she saw us sitting at Lunch. It was surprising, to say the least."

"Why would Rosalie do that? She was never... fond of Bella before..." Esme tip-toed around the words as if she was trying to make it seem less of hatred and more of Rosalie had a pet disliking for Bella.

"Maybe she felt guilty." Jasper offered us, by the tone of his voice he probably wasn't talking about Rosalie being guilty but more of himself.

"Possibly." Esme mused, "But I would have thought Alice would have gone after her, they were very close when we last were in Forks. Speaking of which, where is Alice? Did she know before that Bella would be here? Is she with Bella?" Her excitement growing again after her confusion earlier.

Jasper seemed to perk up slightly at the talk of Alice, "I really don't know if she knew or not, you can never tell with Alice, but she did seem awfully energized this morning. I don't know if we can put that down to her knowing about Bella or the thought of Edward starting to live with us again and start to go back to school." He sighed, "And Alice said that she needed some alone time to think things through." His mood and tone darkened as he said those last words.

"She is probably hot on Rosalie and Bella's track right now." I suggested to him, trying to make him calm down slightly. It was not a secret about the strain on Jasper and Alice's marriage after that dreadful eighteenth birthday we gave Bella. Not to mention the stress Jasper was put under at the thought that he might have caused this problem and all the after effects of said party. Edward and Bella forced from each other, albeit Edward's decision, Edward becoming a recluse, Bella eventually becoming a vampire, and other things.

"I can't wait to see her." Esme said, "To finally have our family together again.." She sighed.

Jasper and my eyes met briefly, both sharing the look of regret and hesitation. "Esme, "I began softly, to try and explain what was happening the right way, "I don't think that's true. I don't that the family will ever be together again or the same."

"Why ever not?" She asked me wide-eyed, suddenly sober, "Bella is a vampire, that means Edward has no reason to worry over her now and they have been united together again. They are in love and together."

"That's the thing." Jasper said, "They aren't together. Bella's, putting this gently_; frustrations_ for us are at its peak. She absolutely detests herself and could not be able to forgive us for our misjudgements, in her state of mind."

"To be honest, I really don't think Bella feels love for Edward anymore." I added, ashamedly. It was an terrible thing for me to admit but after she looked over us and skipped Edward's distraught face. I knew she didn't feel love for him.

"That is preposterous." Esme argued, "Bella loved Edward from the moment he spoke to her, she said so herself."

"But that was a long time ago. Yes, Bella did love Edward... _once_. But a Human's heart is a fickle thing." Jasper said, "A long time has passed since he left her, she might not want him back anymore."

"Bella was not just a ordinary human and will be an very special vampire. She doesn't change her mind. She is too stubborn to do so." Esme argued. I could see that she wasn't going to accept our explanations to her. She always found the good in people and always thought that if you loved someone you should be with them. She thought it was simple, even though her experience with Carlisle was anything but simple.

"Exactly, Esme, she is a stubborn creature and just because she didn't change her mind then.. Doesn't mean she hasn't _Changed_ now." I tried to reason with her but to no avail.

"I won't believe you until Bella tells me she doesn't love my son, herself. I'll have to hear it from her mouth." Esme said defiantly, "So if you excuse me, I have to ring Alice and ask her if Bella will accept a meeting with me, in the near future." She smiled at Jasper and I before going back into her office and dialling Alice's cell.

"Yes Esme," The high-pitched voice of my sister said before the phone had a chance to finish its first ring, "She will meet you." There never were any pleasantries on a phone call with a psychic, she just answered the question before Esme even said it.

Esme sighed deeply, "Oh thank goodness. Is she alright?"

"No." Alice's usual bouncing voice seemed flat, "I actually need to talk to everyone about that. Is Edward home yet? Or Rosalie?"

"Not yet. Jasper and Emmett are here though." Esme told the pixie on the other side of the call.

"So everyone is bunking off school today." Alice mused conversationally, trying to lessen the worry evident in Esme's voice.

"I hope you don't all make a habit of it." Esme's motherly stern voice said causing me to chuckle from the other side of the wall. Esme must have known Jasper and I would be listening, it was hard not to being a vampire with super-hearing.

"Is Carlisle at work? Yes?"

"Yes, he said earlier that there was an emergency and wouldn't be home until late tonight. So maybe we can leave this important announcement of your until tomorrow."

"Actually it can wait a couple of days; I want to see how things play out before I say anything."

"You are talking about Edward and Bella, aren't you?" Esme surmised.

"Of course Esme, this is their love story." She laughed despite herself, I didn't get the joke neither did Jasper by the confused look on his face. I mouthed: love story? What? To which he shrugged as if to say that he didn't know what was going through his wife's head.

"You seem confident. Emmett and Jasper tell me that things might not work out between them."

"They will if Rosalie and I have a say in it. But before you say it Esme, I wouldn't get too involved in their lives, okay?"

"Yes."

"I have to go now, a scary brunette vampire wants to kill me and I'm sure she is about to go on a hunt to stock up on energy, sending Rose on the case to see her and I'll tell her to ask Bella to meet you."

"Thank you, Alice, you are a wonderful sister to them you know?"

"Of course I know, I just can't wait until they have to repay this debt in twenty years time." Alice chuckled before saying goodbye.

What an evil little pixie, I wonder what she was plotting to get the two lost souls together again.

_**Bella PoV**_

Esme wanted to meet with me, or so Rosalie said, as she 'mysteriously' found me in the woods looking for elk, they seemed to be the only thing I could find recently, thanks to the little fairy that told her where I would be. I was still mad over what Alice had done, I had told Rosalie to get it back for me but not to look inside the book. It was private and I never wanted a living/unloving soul t see it. Especially not any of the Cullen's.

Rose told me to 'give Esme a chance' because she missed me and was 'full of regret'. Wasn't everyone full of regret once they realized they did the wrong thing? I sighed and said no at first but then she reminded me that Alice had something important to me and that I wanted Rosalie to get it back from her. She said that I needed to do something in return. I glared at her before saying that it would be fine as long as it was Esme and Esme alone. I didn't want to be played by the Cullen's. No this time, no this time, we were playing by my rules and the ball seemed to be in my side of the court.

It hadn't started with the normal pleasantries you would expect from old friends, no an estranged mother and daughter was more like it, but we weren't normal. She just said that she was sorry and that she wished I could forgive her and her family. That wasn't flying pretty high with me, I wanted an apology yes, but from just Esme? Why? What good would that do? It's not like Esme and I used to suck face every day for six months, I wanted an apology from him_. In fact, I wanted to hit him. Hard. In his pretty face._

Esme took a step closer to me, I did the same only moving backwards away from her, I wanted a fair distance between us so she wouldn't try and manipulate me into forgiving her so easily. After I refused to listen to her first few pathetic 'sorrys', I was beginning to become angry. Noticing this, she cried out, "I had to leave, Bella, I had to keep my family together and Edward," I winced, "was leaving with or without us, I had to follow him, he is my _child_!" Esme said softly to me, I had trouble trying to reason with my loathing and the sense of deception filling my bones, Esme's explanation had brought back memories of the dreadful birthday-fiasco that I had tried to force down for many years, why did I have to remember everything of my human life, why must I cling to the memories with such vigour I wish I could just forget even meeting the Cullen family. If I did I would be happy and not alone, I would have found a coven for me.. why couldn't I forget it just like Alice...

Flashbacks of Esme's comforting hugs after that night's event flew through my mind, my anger was faltering, I tried my hardest to stay focused on the pain and the anger, the anger that _she_ and _her family_ had brought on me_, they left me, _it was coming back slowly, it started burning inside me; burning my cold heart with the memories of the pain and suffering but it was too hard trying to think of anger while staring into Esme's big round eyes full of love...

"Has all you love for Edward really been lost?" Her topaz eyes burned through my ice-cold skin, breaking down all my walls; I thought she could see through the lies and my facade.

The loathing was back; that question itself fuelled the once dying fire of my anger and loathing for what they had done, they left me weak and defenceless, after all, ONE OF _THEM _CHANGED ME INTO A _**MONSTER**_! I chuckled darkly; the Cullen family will see a side to Isabella Marie Swan that they had never set eyes on before. "Not only has my love, if that's what you could call it," I would call it devotion and adoration, "has gone for _him"_ I spat, "but respect from the one person I looked up to most in the world. You." I said the word with disgust.

Esme expression was heartbreaking but I kept a cold, literally, exterior; I wasn't going to fall for her tricks. "Now," I spat, "you tell me, Esme." I stepped towards her as Esme looked towards her feet, she was ashamed. "How much a hypocrite do you think you are?"

"What? I have no idea what you mean, Bella." Esme said quietly, her voice was pained.

I laughed once without humour, "Esme, don't you remember that you kept telling me that I was family to you," I stopped. "I'm sorry: the correct verb there is _**LYING**_." I could see that Esme was struggling to fight of the sobs but what could I do? I kept going from loving her to despising her very presence every few seconds as I looked in her eyes. I tried to stick with hate; she hadn't tried to help me whilst I was on the verge of tears, why should I attempt to console her? What could I tell her? Should I tell I forgive herself and her family for leaving me an emotional wreck when they chose to part ways from me? I don't think so. I continued with my speech, "You kept telling me that I was part of the Cullen's, that I was the missing link in your household; that I was like a daughter to you," I spat. "I guess the operative word there is_ like- _"

"Bella..." Esme began though I cut her off, for once, without guilt.

" -But now you say that you left because you wanted to keep your family together? I don't see the logic that is if there is any." My voice was starting to break, "Esme, don't you see that you left one person behind or was that just a game to you too?"

Esme had nothing to say, she looked gobsmacked; I couldn't blame her I had been planning this argument out for years. After several minutes, Esme finally found her voice, "Bella, you must know that it was not me who wished to leave."

"No, it wasn't you but I know it was the one person I wanted to stay the most." I felt my own sobs coming, I turned away from her and retreated a good distance so she wouldn't see my distress.

"Oh Bella, I _am_ sorry." Esme ran up to me and enveloped me into a once bone-crushing hug. "I'm so deeply sorry. You can't comprehend my sorrow for you right now, it was such a deeply stupid mistake, one which, I and the rest of _our_ family will regret forever." She sobbed with me, I had finally broken down again, one look at his mother and it had pushed me over the edge, how I wished now that Rosalie had not found my in Elk Rapid on the rocks by the cliff.

"I j-just can't do it anymore..." I stuttered into her blouse, "I can't be this bitter anymore, I've been stuck with the thought of you all hating me, playing with my feelings for so long; if I ever see him again I'm sure it will kill me."

I heard Esme's struggle for an unnecessary breathe of air, "Bella, I can tell you that it will not kill you, you love him as he loves you."

Being there, in Esme's arms brought out my human insecurities. "But you don't understand, Esme, he doesn't love me, he never had. I was just c-convenient." I cried tearlessly into her shoulder.

"Bella, don't ever say that, you are the _world _to Edward." saying his name made me sob more, making venom drip from my eyelids; I had been shutting them so hard that it was nearly painful; my kinds version of blood was about to flow from my weary eyes. I shook my head through the tears.

Edward left me.. It seemed to be the first time my heart admitted it so openly. He left...me.

"Esme, you had such a high regard for Edward that makes me wonder how you don't see that I wasn't good enough for him." I shut my eye-lids tightly; I would be alright if I just get out of there before the real crying starts.

"Bella, you are what he wants; I am happy if he is." She soothed, "And Bella if you just let yourself speak to him, he will be happy. Don't you know how much he loves you?"

He doesn't want me. He said so himself.

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**I'm sorry for being so late with an update. I don't think it will take so long next time. I'm pretty sure as soon as I'm off for Summer then I'll write a lot more!**

**Did this chapter seem okay to you? For me it seems... Bad. Like it's weird or something. I'm not sure. Please tell me your thoughts!**

**~YMCM**


	21. Dr Carlisle Cullen

******The Summer has finally begun for me! Thank God! Hopefully it will be a better Summer than last year. Truly, last year sucked. ****I think that now I'm off, that I'll update more regularly. I think. Please Enjoy. Sorry if this chapter is bad. Something is wrong with me, nothing I write seems.. right anymore. I don't know. You can decide.**

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**Dr. Carlisle Cullen**

_**Bella PoV**_

It was a few days after my encounter with Esme. I didn't want Esme to see the real me. A young woman stung with an incredible loss of self, full of loathing, of pain and mostly now, confusion. That was a new one, ever since Esme and I had our hear-to-heart I had been feeling lighter more secure. Even Rosalie could see the difference in me. She had decided that each time I spoke to a person in her family, that I'd become old Bella. I didn't really see that happening but I let her think what she wanted.

I had always been so adamant with myself, thinking that none of the Cullen family cared much for me but after Rosalie and Esme spoke to me earlier that day, each helping me with their own approach, I saw that maybe they did care. But I knew that there was still a long way to go until I spoke to the others. They were the ones that didn't hurt as much to think about during my short time as a lonely vampire. Rosalie didn't like me when I was mortal and Esme had always seemed far away from reality always clouded by the dreams she had of her son and I that I couldn't really take her seriously sometimes. I still couldn't forgive them, not yet, it would take a long time for me to open my heart to them gain, but hopefully I will be able to let Esme or Rose back in. They held a special place in my being, as my mothering figure. Esme being the only female to properly take care of me while I was human, I knew now that I was the mother in Renee and my relationship. Rosalie being the one, who took the chance to save me, she had created me from a meek little human to a most terrifying predator in three long days. Rose had shown me how to feed and survive; like a mother bird watching after her chick.

The others situations with me were different. Alice and Emmett were the two siblings I had gotten close to when I was human. Alice's claims that I was her 'best friend' or loving me as if I were already her sister and Emmett incessant jokes and teasing of me had caused me to soften around those two making it hard for me to not forgive either of them for any little thing while my heart beat, but now it was different, the same thing that once made the core of me soften, now forced my emotions to build another barrier around my cold unbeating heart, blocking reason and thought from my feelings.

Carlisle had been my father. He was the grand protector of the Cullen's. Never being louder than necessary, he never yelled or shouted at one person during times of crisis, he always formed contingency plans before he began anything. He always seemed to protect me from my many falls and bumps to my understanding of his race. Carlisle had been the first one to truly believe I and his son had a strong chance, he thought that even before Alice. But I knew that he would be the next one who would get through to me, no one could ever be mad at Carlisle. He didn't even have a choice in the matter of leaving Forks, according to Rosalie.

And finally, Jasper; he and I seemed to have an understanding when my blood pumped. He would stay away from me but always had an interest in my life; I knew that the interest was probably produced by his wife. He and I had common fascination with History and often discuss many theories; at least one other family member would be there for my safety, of course.

I didn't know then that it was because Ed-...Edward didn't want someone else to waste his distraction. I felt myself growl as I thought. Distraction, I detested the sound of that word. It seemed dirty. I was a diversion for Ed-Edward to keep him company, or entertainment for Emmett to laugh at while I did something embarrassing or stupid, a pastime or hobby for Alice to play Barbie and Jasper to test his bloodlust, a disturbance for Rosalie to sneer upon and a commotion for Esme to fussy over and Carlisle to handle my injuries . I was a distraction. A simply interruption, something they could throw away after they were done with it. Which they did and now I was a vampire. Fate didn't favour us in our race against humanity.

Rosalie and I had spent each day since we saw each other first together, since neither me or the Cullen's were going into school for a while, each part to afraid to see the other, I guess."Damn it Rosalie." I sighed as she parked my Ford Taurus into a parking space.

"What?" She asked while she twiddled with one of her loose curls.

"Why did you bring me_ here_?" I asked her, "I have terrible memories from this place." I shuddered.

She giggled. It was weird, still, being so close to Rosalie, let alone to hear her giggle. "You are here because he isn't the one you are made at. You spoke to Esme, why can't you talk to him? And I know you have a bad memory here, that's why I've come with you... to watch you squirm!" I knew the really reason, to make sure I don't back out and to make sure I was okay by the end of everything.

"I hate you." I glared at the blonde-vampire. "And I'm not going in there."

"Why?" Rose asked again, "He doesn't know that you are alive, it would be good for you to see his reaction to seeing a ghost."

I sighed and bit the inside of my cheek. It would be good to see his reaction to me. And he was the only Cullen not to know I was alive. I had told Esme not to breathe a word of our conversation or to tell anyone else that I was alive. She had warned Jasper and Emmett not to tell Carlisle that I was alive yet, under Alice's suggestion. So only one Cullen is in the dark.. Hmm...

"Fine." I sighed, closing my eyes knowing that I'd regret letting her drive me around town.

She grinned at me, which made me freeze for a second. Even now that I'm a vampire, being beside Rosalie was a self-esteem blow. "Go, I'll be in the car waiting."

"Okay." I said opening the door, ready to get out.

"Oh and Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Your choice in cars has vastly progressed. I improve of this car." She smiled at me, while letting her hand go across the dash board, "So pretty for a safe car."

I sighed and got out of the car, moving towards the entrance of the building.

Being in Forks Community Hospital didn't feel right, not the urge or lust for the blood that cursed my life forever now but the eerie sense of nostalgia that hit me as I walked through the front doors and into the Emergency Room, a first time with all my bones in place and no bruises on my body. "Excuse me," I called out to the receptionist, "Is there any possibility to see Dr. Cullen?" I smiled sweetly at the young girl clicking her pen onto the desk.

"Do you have an appointment?" She drawled leaning on her messy desk blinking ever few seconds to keep awake, and reaching for her glittering red nail polish.

"I'm an old friend of the kind doctor." I smirked, her eyes widened, it wasn't unknown that Dr. Carlisle Cullen tended to stick to himself, not one to talk about home or his friends. In her eyes I knew what she was speculating if I was a lady-friend of Carlisle, did I come for the hospital looking for sex. That made me cringe, even the thought...

I shivered slightly, to quick for her to see, not that she was noticing anything other than my beauty, "I'm sorry; Dr. Cullen is very busy at the moment." She began, "He isn't seeing anyone."

"Oh, but it is very important, he hasn't seen me in such a long time. I just want to see an old friend, please?" I asked her trying to put on the sweetest smile I could muster.

"I'm sorry, Miss." She said, blinking furiously at my teeth, I closed my mouth. I probably overdid it a bit. "Maybe you should wait until he is off shift." She offered before I cut her off.

"Then tell Dr. Cullen that Bella is here to see him." I stated I knew that the girl was getting tired of my pursuing and she was cracking, "Please." I added, to sweeten the college girl up.

She groaned quietly, unbeknown to her that I could her hear every mutter, and grabbed the handset of handset before her. "Wait a moment, Miss." She sighed to me and began to speak into the phone for a few minutes before she froze momentarily. "It seems that Dr. Cullen cancelled the rest of his scheduled appointments today. Do you know the way to his office?" She looked me up and down for a second, while I nodded.

I walked straight down the hall and to the office I knew that was his. The hospital hadn't change much over the years, so I knew where his office might be. I only hoped it was. I stopped outside the door unable to go in. Why was I here again? Why was I going to put myself through this?

"Isabella?" A voice called to me, making my body spin around to face the man who I was coming to see, he stared at me and his voice crumbled, "Bella, is that you?" The others around us seemed to freeze as did we. The other doctors he was talking to seemed to have the same look in their eyes as the receptionist.

"Yes, Carlisle." I said, sighing and looking at him. So hard to see his face again...the man I always viewed as a father. Carlisle looked like a model. He was the picture of beauty just like the rest of his family. His blond hair parted as always perfect, looking more like a movie star than ever. He hadn't changed at all I was surprised that I thought he would have. Many nurses probably weren't able to concentrate on their work while he was around. His pale skin seemed ashen and his golden eyes seemed to flash with concern and confusion.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me, still standing in the hall way, frozen would have been a better adjective. His golden eyes widen in surprise, his face twist as if he had seen a ghost. I suppose he had seen one, I should have been buried in the cemetery not too far from where we stood.

That wasn't what I expected to hear, "Do you want me to leave?" I asked him, cocking my head to the side, surprised by his reaction to me.

"N-no!" He came closer to me, breaking away from the gaggle of doctors, "I was just surprised. No one told me you were... here." _Alive,_ more like it.

"But your receptionist said you cancelled the rest of your day to talk to me." I informed him, more confused more than ever.

"I was never told." He said, confusion clouded his face, before he thought of something, "Alice.."

And suddenly everything seemed clear, "She must have... found out... that I was going to visit you." I said very aware of the human behind him.

"Probably." He said, "Please, come to my office so we can speak privately."

I nodded as he said his farewells to his colleagues. I began to wonder whether or not I should wait for him or not. I didn't know if going straight to where I thought his office was situated was I smart thing or not. I didn't know where it was not, but I didn't think it would have changed since the last time. He had the same job, I checked, but the hospital might have changed in the last fifty years, maybe it would be better if I went on ahead, I mean it would be good for one of the Cullen's have someone leave them for a change and not the other way around. They were so good at leave people behind...

I didn't have much time to decide because Carlisle, as if knowing where my thoughts were leading, quickly steered me towards the bottom of the corridor. He sighed, "How... How are you alive?" He asked, "How did you survive?"

"For you first question: I was Changed after I was pushed off a cliff. For you second question: do you think I _have_ survived all this time? I have not survived. I died, and went to Hell." I snapped, "Every second, it gets worse. The small hole in my heart seemed to grow and engulf my body in pain. It was worse than the pain of the Change. It's getting worse. It doesn't help seeing you. Your family being here is making me worse." I said through clenched teeth, trying to scrap bits of dignity back from the clasp of the Cullen family.

"Bella.." Carlisle sighed for a second, I saw pain in his eyes and regret, before something snap in side of him and he said, "Follow me to my office." I nodded as he directed in the direction of his office.

Opening the door, he let me in first. Always a perfect gentleman, very much like... his son."Please sit, Bella." He asked me pointing to comfortable looking chair in front of his desk, probably for when he had a meeting or appointment. I nodded and sat on the chair while Carlisle pulled his desk chair from behind the table and sat facing me, "Please, tell me everything from the start."

"Why should I?" I asked defiantly. I didn't think that it would be any of his business what happened to me. It wasn't as if he or anyone else, for that matter, cared.

"I want to know my mistake, Bella, I want to be able to make it right." He confessed to me rubbing his forehead, "You know it was the biggest mistake of my family existence leaving you in Forks. But... it wasn't our choice to make."

"No, it was." I argued, "It was your choice. Your mistake to make, you made the mistake. There is no going back now, we can never be a resemblance of the family that I stupidly thought we were. I thought you, Carlisle, were a father to me and Esme my mother. When Renee and Charlie didn't act like a parent should have I thought you were always going to be there as my safety-net, to catch me when things became too much, like a mother or father should. But then I awake up one morning to find you deserted me, in my time of need."

"Please, tell me what happened to you."

"Carlisle you shouldn't care what happens to me."

"Bella, you were my daughter. You were the part of our family that was vital. We can't survive without you. Your presence at our home in Forks was the happiest time in our long lives. Everything was lighter and warm, everyone was visibly calmer. Edward," I winced and looked away from Carlisle, he seemed to notice this but continued, "Joked and laughed when he was around you, before you came along, he was alone. He had no one to love and care for as the rest of us had our mate. Bella, you were his mate."

"I was not his mate." I snapped, "I was not." I stared at Carlisle into his golden eyes, so angry at the vampire before me but then I remembered who it was I was talking to, I remembered that he had saved me so many times before, he had comforted me. Carlisle was not the one I was angry at. I whispered, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It is I who should apologise." Carlisle said, I looked up at him and saw that he looked as if he wanted to cry, he also looked like he was relieved to see me here, "I made the wrong choice when Edward wanted to leave Forks, we should have talked in out of him but we owed him some many favours, he needed to do something for him, it was the only thing he ever asked of us. How could I have said no to my son?"

"You couldn't." It was nice to head Carlisle tell me that Edward forced them to leave Forks, it only told me what I knew already; Edward really wanted to get away from me.

My resolve in place, I asked Carlisle, "Do you want me to tell you my story, Carlisle?"

"Yes, Dear." I winced; it had been so long since Carlisle said that to me.

"After your family left, I was a shell of the girl you knew. I never really figured out how much you all affected me until you left. Dr. Snow was throwing around words like 'comatose' and 'catatonic'. A few months after you left, I finally got sick of myself mopping and decided to go somewhere. I went to Ed-..Edward's," I closed my eyes tightly, trying not to rip my arms from around my waist, "Meadow. I found Laurent there; he came to warn me that Victoria was coming for me. He said that she wanted revenge: 'a mate for a mate' I think he said. He asked if I wanted him to change me but I refused not wanting to become a vampire anymore if I wasn't with..." He nodded as if he knew it pained me to say his son's name.

"Go on."

"I decided that I was not going to put Charlie at a risk. I did not want that bitch hurting my father so I found a place that was similar to Forks in Michigan."

"Was it a place called Elk Rapids, by any chance?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Alice had a vision once about Elk Rapids and Edward saw. He was going to go there and see if you were there. Emmett and Alice stopped them before he leaved. Rosalie came back the next day from her shopping trip to Paris demanding that she and Emmett move to Michigan."

"Really?" I asked shocked. Edward was so close to meeting me again, but Alice and Emmett intercepted him. I was oddly sad about that. They should have let him go to Michigan, but he might not have liked what he saw.

"Yes. Please continue your story."

"Well, I made a journey to Elk Rapids and as soon as I got there I found a cliff with the most wonderful view. It was so tranquil. It made me at peace with myself, if only for a small time. The sun was just setting. I knew it would forever imprint in my mind.. I didn't know then that it would haunt my human memories." I sighed before readying myself, "I don't know if this is going to be a shock or not to you Carlisle but if you want the truth you have to promise not to tell him what I'm about to say. Don't even think about it. It is alright to talk to Esme about it. She and I already spoke but not of this. You said Rosalie went to Paris for a shopping trip, right?"

He nodded, "Actually she didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"As soon as I got to the cliff and watched the sun set. Victoria was there, she had followed me and was waiting for the right moment to kill me. Alice must have had a vision about this because Rosalie was there."

Carlisle gasped, "Rosalie? No..."

"She wanted to save me. You see, Victoria had lightly tapped my shoulder. I wobbled but regained my posture, for once. I didn't even realise that Rosalie was fighting for my humanity as I didn't even turn away to see them. Suddenly I heard a yelp behind me causing me to spin around but as it was me we are talking about a strong gush of wind came from the trees pushing me towards gravity. I remember looking into Rosalie's black eyes for what seemed like an eternity before I finally lost her footing and fell over the edge.

"There were jagged rocks beneath the cliff. I broke my back with the fall and there was blood everywhere. Rosalie said that she hadn't hunted in a while that it was too much for her to handle so she jumped down and bit me."

He looked stunned, "Rosalie... is your sire?"

"Yes."

The stunned look on his face didn't disappear, "That.. makes no sense." He said in one breath.

"I know. She sacrifices everything she had been working up on to save me. I thank her for it, even though I don't deserve it."

"Rosalie..." He said her name as if he was trying to imagine me and Rosalie best friends.

"You also have a new found respect for the woman?" I smiled slightly.

"Yes, I do." He also smile ruefully, before he thought of something, "Does Emmett know?"

"I don't think so. Please, Carlisle, do not tell him or.. Edward.."

"Where is Rosalie now?" He questioned me.

"Outside, waiting for me." I smiled, "She made me come here. She wants me to be able to talk to you all again but..."

"You aren't sure if you trust us again." He answered for me.

"Exactly. I don't think I'm willing to lose the scrap of me that I have left because I know your family will take every since last part of me again. Just like last time, only now.. I can fight back." I said harshly.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked warily.

"Nothing." I said, "I just don't want to hurt you guys so much." I smirked before walking out of his office and out of the hospital. I didn't want Carlisle to know too much more than the others yet. I still had my plan in place.

* * *

**Was this alright? I was looking back on the first couple of chapter of Broken and saw how shitty they were so maybe I'll fix that shit up before uploading again. I think I'd be uploading Forgotten first anyway. But hey.**

**So please tell me what you think.**

**I have one thing to say. I AM SO JEALOUS OF AMERICANS RIGHT NOW! ****Can someone tell me was Eclipse good. Because I have to wait until the 9th July/ July 9th (whatever) until I get to see it. That is uncool.**

**Please R&R**

**~YMCM**


	22. Understatement

**Sorry. Sorry. Long time no see, right? -Laughs nervously- I won't give you any lame excuses. But I am sorry that it took so long. I'm a terrible updater. Sorry.. ****I hope this chapter is alright. It's a long-ish chapter, I guess. Hope you enjoy, if you are still reading this -looks out to see an empty seat- Shit...**

* * *

**Understatement**

_**Alice PoV**_

"So beautiful." I muttered to myself as I examined to sketches in the book. It was of us all. The pictures in her book of all the Cullen's family. She drew us, even though we hurt her so badly, she still drew us because she wanted to remember us. She had to relive the pain of her life just to remember us. Despite the many letters saying that she could never draw Edward, here he was, staring at me with bright happy eyes; it was like a realistic camera to the past. His eyes have vastly changed since then. I could see the joy and the love emitting from his gaze. It was Bella's Edward, the eyes he only had for her. Now, those same eyes that once held so much happiness hold just as much pain and self-loathing. _And they should_, I thought with a bite.

Turning the page, I gasped. The next drawing was of Bella and me standing beside each other in Port Angeles with my arms wrapped around her waist and my lips giving a friendly kiss to her blushing cheek. We looked happy. I giggled aloud recalling us shopping together many times, well; I did the shopping while Bella moaned quietly. I missed that.

I missed her.

Rubbing my temples, I went down the hall and into Edward's room. I wanted him to see things beautiful pictures. I wanted him to see that Bella had thought about him every day since we left.

"Edward?" I called into the room knocking the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." He said quietly as I opened the door.

"What are you doing?" I asked him with confusion evident in my voice. Edward was bent over his knees on his black leather sofa with a pencil in his hand and pages and pages of white page on his lap.

"Nothing." Was his clipped reply.

"No, you are doing something." I replied to him, I went over to the man and looked over his shoulder, "You are composing again! Edward, this is great!" I said with a grin, throwing my arms around his shoulders hugging him from behind. "Everything is getting better!"

"I'm not composing." He said, "I'm trying to, but..." He shook his head. "I can't do it anymore."

"What are you talking about? Of course you can." I told him but he just shook his head again. "You just-"

He cut me off his a sigh, "What do you want, Alice?" He rubbed his forehead.

"Would you like to see something of Bella's?" I asked him, "Or have you seen them in my mind already?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The drawings? Bella's drawings? You weren't listening." I said, my earlier contentment now deflated.

"I thought you'd prefer me not to listen. We both know how secretive you have gotten over the last few decades." He said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"Excuse me?" I said incredulously, anger suddenly bubbling, "How would you even know? You haven't gone out your stupid room even to see us, Edward! You were stuck up in your Bat-Cave for fifty years and you think I'm being secretive?" I laughed with humour, "I'm done, Edward! Done! I am the only one on your side here; I am trying to be there for you even when you are sulking because Bella's a vampire, or whatever other reason you made up. You are so selfish! Bella has been alone for fifty years, having nothing and no one to tell her that everything was going to be alright, that she'd get better. You had me and Emmett and Carlisle and Esme. Who did she have?" I asked him rhetorically. "You are unbelievable." I shook my head, the anger didn't seem to calm, everything in my mind just went red; Edward couldn't be so... I couldn't find the right word. He was just acting like a total asshole.

"I know that she was alone. I know that. I can't face her now because I made her the way she is now. I destroyed all hopes for the normal life I wanted for her." He closed his eyes slowly shaking his head, "I left her all alone. You saw the way she looked at me. She hates me. The woman I love hates me and I can do nothing to change that."

"You broke her. Bella is broken right now."

"How do I make it better?" He asked me with a pained voice. "Do I leave?" He asked me with the most serious expression I had ever seen.

My voice caught for a second, "I don't know, I know that if you leave, you'd get hell for it and she would definitely hate you." I said honestly, "But if I see something, I'll tell you." I smiled at him with a wink, "Better yet, you can look for it, Mister. Mind-Reader." He then smiled back, something he hadn't done in such a long time but I could see that it didn't reach his eyes; they were still ashamed and aching. "Now, do you want to see her drawings or not?" I said letting myself sit by his feet. We'd get through this, I knew we would but even I can't see that far into the future.

* * *

_**Bella PoV**_

"I could leave." I mused over more to myself than to the blonde-haired beauty beside me, while our sit-com of which neither of us was paying attention to, was on a commercial. We were just watching TV in my living room. Trying to create some type of social life between us, trying to scrap back our sort-of-friendship that had began between us fifty years ago.

"What? Are you_ high_?" Rosalie shrieked once she heard my musing and processed it for a brief moment, "You could leave? And what exactly would that achieve? More pain on your part and more stupidity on _his_." She spat the word, leaning more into my living room couch. We had sorted out the mess that was my house. It had been fifty years or so since anyone had set foot inside the house as the deeds were still in Charlie Swan's name and his kin after that, so to say the least it was a mess. Dusk everywhere, broken glass scattered over the wooden floor, rotten wood and a smell coming from the walls. I had a professional repair the really bad leaks and that odd smell a couple weeks before I came back to Forks, I was too scared to come home to such a sight, and fix the rest with Rosalie myself.

"I thought it would be my choice this time if someone was to stay or go." I glared at the television screen, the show we were pretending to watch was thoughtless and not at all challenging neither Rose nor I were enjoying it but we needed the ambiance.

"It is but don't be stupid."

"And how would it be 'being stupid'?"

"It just is." Rose huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, "It was idiotic the first time leaving. It would be even more so this time. So don't leave. Don't leave us." She was also staring furiously at the screen, not wanting to look into my eyes while she said something touching to me.

"Okay, I won't leave. It was only a fleeting thought anyway." I sighed glancing at her sideways.

Rosalie sighed herself, bringing up a new subject, "Who have you spoken to now?"

I stiffened, "You, Esme and Carlisle. In that order."

"Wow, not Alice?" She seemed surprised; Alice had always taken the future into her own hands and always did things before people could stop her. Me being back in Forks, and alive, was something I knew she had a hand in, Alice probably being the one who really saved me, I knew she wanted to see me. I also knew that she would wait until I was ready.

I coughed, "No, not Alice or Jasper, or Emmett. Not anyone."

Rosalie picked up on my tense body and my hardened tone, "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"No, it's okay." I said, "I shouldn't be acting like this but.."

"You need this." Rosalie finished, "I did the same thing. While I killed the men who raped me, you hurt the people who left you; we were the ones who killed you just like they killed me. I might have been the one who bit you but we all pushed you off that cliff." He tone was now the same hard, ice-cutting tone as mine. My reasons seemed foolish compared to Rosalie's memories. I had my heart broken, she had her innocence ripped away from her, from the man she was engaged to.

"All that you've been through..." I said, "And yet you are still so strong, so beautiful and loyal. How can you do this?"

"I got my revenge and then I fell in love with Emmett. I fell hard for Emmett. He was the light in the end of my tunnel. He was my saviour." I nodded, if Rose didn't have Emmett, I shuddered to think how she would be like. Would she be like me? Bitter? Harsh? 'A dark cynical bitch' as she called me?

"Just like you were Edward." She said his name slowly as if she suddenly realized after forgetting that he was the reason I hurt so much.

I closed my eyes, "I am so stupid."

"What?"

"I'm so stupid. Everything could have gone so differently. If only I wasn't so damn clumsy, if only I was so stubborn. If I just took time and didn't rush things. If I was strong I could have survived this properly."

She sighed and mocked my tone, "If only you weren't your self-depreciative self. Jeez, Bella. You sound like Jasper." She rolled her eyes, "Don't be so downtrodden. It was supposed to happen this way. It was only a matter of time before something happen, but at least it wasn't that serious. Jasper took a snap at you, so what? What if Victoria got to you before I knew about it? You would be dead and buried, my friend."

I whispered, "That might have been better."

"Bella, I've gone through this. I promise it will get better as soon as you talk to the people you need to speak to the most."

_Promises don't mean squat to me anymore_. The darker part of my mind said. _But I have to learn how to trust again._ The ever forgiving side argued back. _Trust? Ha, you never had their trust, why would you give them yours?_ The Devil Bella fought back harder. _Because you love them. _Was the simple reply, the Gloomy side couldn't argue. I did love them. Every part of my being loves the Cullen's. Every part of my being loves and loathes them. "I know, but I'm not ready to see **him**." I said before biting down hard on my lip.

"Everyone will wait until you are. I promise you, everything will be alright. You have your Hope in the future. I have my Faith in you."

"Okay." I said lamely, rubbing my forehead, "I'm really getting sick of this." I confided in Rose honestly, "I don't think it would take much for me to explode."

"Bella, you wouldn't explode; you would implode." She giggled. Yes, Rosalie Hale giggles.

"Is that really your take on humour?" I asked the blonde beauty beside me dryly.

"Har har. Sorry for trying to defuse a situation, I'll make sure not to try to comfort you again." She said just as sardonically back.

I smiled genuinely back at her, "I surrender." Putting my hands up in the universal white flag, "I think that I might possibly go back to school tomorrow. I don't think I could stick not doing something again."

"We are doing things." She said, wrinkling her nose, "We are watching some mindless sit-com about high school kids singing. That_ is _doing something." She said with a straight-face.

"Yes, I realise that but I want to do something productive, with a meaning behind it."

"And going to school for the umpteenth time is meaningful?" She asked with a strange expression on her face.

"Hey, this is only my second time! I didn't even get to finish high school last time so shush up and humour me." I ordered her.

"Fine, fine." She said offhandedly before looking at me, "So," She said carefully, "Who are you going to speak to next? Jasper? Alice? Emmett?" She asked me trying to gauge my reaction ,"Or Edward?"

I stiffened instantaneously, before breathing in slowly, "Emmett... I think. He is next. I'll talk to him after school possibly."

Rosalie then smiled brightly, "That's great! He misses you so much, you know. Emmett will be delighted to hear that." She stood up, "I should go tell him! Bella, you are doing so well." She grabbed my arms pulling my body upright from the seat and pulled me into a bear-hug, I assume she learn that from her husband. "And maybe tomorrow, you could possibly speak to Edward? Or Alice? Or possibly Jasper?" She smiled innocently.

"Don't push your luck, Blondie." I glared playfully at her, "Oh and can you tell your sister that I don't see my drawing pad back yet."

"Yes, Mistress Swan. I will tell Alice that you demand your colouring book back, okay?" She said picking at her nails.

"You know you are very hot-and-cold." I told her, "One minute you are all hugs and then the next you flip your hair and glare."

"I am an interesting woman." She chuckled walking over to the front door, "See you later. I'll pick you up.. unless you want someone else to. Possibly Ed-"

I cut her off before she finished that sentence, "Leave." I said slamming the door in her face. "Damn bitch." I murmured before hearing Rosalie's singing voice howl with laughter.

* * *

Thinking back, I guess it wasn't the easiest conversation Emmett and I ever had. Maybe because I had been in such a bad mood beforehand as Ethan Yorkie, Jen Stanley and Matt Newton a girl called Lucy Crowley (the grand-daughter of Tyler Crowley and Lauren Mallory, I see _that_ worked out for her.) decided to annoy the hell out of me. I guess nothing much has changed since I was in high school the first time. I noticed that Matt and Ethan were fighting for my attention; just like old times. I also noticed that Rosalie was getting a kick out of my frustration. She was sticking with me for a while so I wouldn't run away from Emmett at lunch today, like_ I_ would do that... She said that she would give us space but that she would there for me if she was needed. We decided before school that we were going to tell him how I was _Changed_. After all Rosalie was his wife and she had been keeping the secret that I was alive from him. Rose said she didn't mind if I got all angry at the memory, she was the one who took the first bite after all. I said that I'd try and go easy but there was no way for me to reign in my feelings. To be honest, everything was beyond ridiculous. I personally thought that we have left it too late now, Emmett probably came up with his own explanation to Rose's sudden like of me. And we both knew Emmett wasn't one of the most keen members of the Cullen Clan when it came to discussions of my Change, second only to Rosalie and Him. Jasper and Alice were all for it, Jasper would not be suffering and Alice had already seen it. (She must have thought I was Changed in different circumstances.) Esme just wanted everyone to be happy and Carlisle didn't care as long as there were no loose ends.

This brings me to the middle of the strained conversation between the tree-trunk-like-vampire and me. "Bella, he wanted to leave us." Emmett had said after explaining up until the point of Rosalie leaving for her sudden 'shopping trip'. The last phrase her said seemed to me like it could possibly be the most mind-shattering thing in the world for Emmett. "I tried to stop him but as you know, he is as stubborn as a mule at times," I had to stop myself from scoffing in spite. _At times..._ "And after Rose and I left..." He shook his head unable to comprehend the past. I could tell by the dismal in his eyes that the whole situation aged him mentally, his topaz eyes looked tired and his expression of exhaustion didn't fit his usually blissful and easy going features. What happened to the big teddy-bear? Where was his cheeky little grin and seemingly bottomless dam of sexual innuendos.

"He followed suit, did he?" I sarcastically expressed my distain for hearing this story. I felt that it was already familiar to me. Edward left someone. _There's a surprise_. "Oh, I am sorry," The biting and insolent tone to my voice was uncalled for as Emmett was not to blame for Edward's lack of commitment to me, my intolerance for Edward's flightiness had grown over the years, apparently."The person you loved, one of your own, the person you thought of as a _brother_ left you. It's not like he did that to _someone else_ not so long ago." I felt my right eye brow rise as I spoke sarcastically to the bear-like men before me, after thinking about it for a few seconds, I knew it was too hard, I suddenly wanted to ground to swallow me whole, biting my lip I stilled to give Emmett a chance to defend his brother's bruised name.

But instead of going on a monologue about Edward and his years as a lonely little vampire, he chortled sharply a laugh, a brief one but a laugh none the less; it made my heart lighten oh-so-much to hear it. I had been waiting for years upon years to hear Emmett's distinct chuckle, his light-heart banter for so long, it was the thing I missed most about Emmett, his capacity to lighten any scene of tension or importance with his laughter or smile. His cheerful demeanour was one of comfort to me. Even when James went after me, once I saw Emmett's incongruous smirk I knew things would be alright. "Bella..." He said nostalgically, I guessed he was thinking of any time I fell over my own feet or any bruise I gave to myself as I bumped into anything when I was human. "Temper, temper. You have turned into a little fire-cracker, haven't ya'?" He chuckled again. "Oh Bella.." He sighed again as if it was to himself but this time it was sad and rueful.

I felt my chest drop as I breathed out the sigh I unknowing was holding in as I waited tautly for Emmett to reply to my starkness. I must say, I never expected him to have his signature beam on his child-like face. "Yes, Emmett?" I asked him, oddly timid and fearful after his laughter, would he take it the wrong way? I meant it to be ironic and something he shouldn't worry over too much, Edward came back to them, didn't they? I do remember that he was with the in the Lunch-hall. I didn't understand..after everything I still didn't understand. I still felt like a child compared to the Cullen family. Maybe because I always would be a child to them.

"I missed you so much, you have no idea how long it's been since I laughed properly. That's why I love you Bella. Not only do my make my life interesting and entertaining but you make me laugh too. I love you so much, lil' sis." He paused for a moment, as if he said something offensive to me, I couldn't find anything wrong. "You are a little sister to me, still. Even after all the shit we've been though, right?" I was shocked to say the least. He missed me? By the look on his trustworthy face, I believed him, though it wasn't hard to trust Emmett because it was in Emmett's nature to be naturally trustworthy and reliable. But there were some things I was sure he was exaggerating on.. He hadn't laughed properly in so long? I couldn't imagine that; Emmett sniggered all the time, sometimes in the most irking situations and bothersome times. AND I made his life interesting. That's the understatement of the century.

A) Rosalie, his wife, changed me into the vampire before him, so Emmett effectively became my _Daddy_, unknowingly to him, I assume. B) I was his 'youngest' brother ex-girlfriend. Four vampires tried to eat me while we were together (including his brother), not mentioning that his unnatural urge to, erm, suck my blood himself. Wasn't that relationship a failure? C) His other brother, Jasper, wanted to eat me at my last birthday party. I guess I had myself to blame for that one... but still. D) Alice, the future-seeing sister, was in on the huge, unnecessary; secret that was my vampirism since the beginning. And probably had a ship full more of secrets concerning me up her sleeve. And she has my sketchbook! E) His Father Dearest had to stitch up have of injures that occurred to me in my human life. F) I made Esme contently weep over me and my clumsiness, every time she saw me.

I guess I could see where he was coming from with that..

I squirmed in my stance for a second, "Well, I _didn't..._ miss you some much it hurts." I craned my neck to look at him, he had walked over slowly to me as I thought his confession out. His first expression was heart-breaking and tear-jerking. "I mean, I _definitely_ didn't miss you or Alice so much whenever I saw some wacky piece of clothing that she'd like or some stupid video-game that involved shooting things.. I _definitely _didn't buy them." I bit my bottom lip. "So, no, I didn't miss anyone.. Especially not Rose." His features changed from happiness to amusement to confusion and bewilderment.

_Oh shit.._

I stared at him puzzled faced for a minute before I finally came to a conclusion. I left out a small snort, snorting was good; he couldn't hear the sadness in my voice. "You don't know, do you?" I sighed. "You don't know what your wife did." That last thing I said was a statement. I got why Rosalie didn't tell Jasper or Esme but Emmett? Her husband? What would he do? Find me and what? Give me a hug.

"What _did_ Rose do to you, Bella?" His voice was calm but I knew he was speaking through his teeth, I heard his jaw shut noisily after I asked my question. Rosalie never hid her distaste for me when I was human and I'm sure Emmett knew a lot more about Rose's loathing for me than anyone would tell me. "Did she hurt you?" His tones become clipped and restrained. Well, three days of excruciating torture changing me from human to a mythical creature and a life time of guilt and self-hatred. Nope, she didn't hurt me at all...

"You know, I don't think I should get involved in a Lover's Quarrel." I evaded the question, it wasn't my place to get involved in his marriage, and besides, it wasn't Rose's fault, she should have told them but she knew that I would want to be there for her. She was more like a sister to me now than I ever thought we could be if she wasn't my sire. That was about the only pleasant thing about this whole fucking mess. I sighed, looking at Emmett's unrelenting gaze, he wouldn't give up so why even bother? "She is my sire." I whispered ruefully as I turned my back and slowly walked away from the bemused Emmett.

"Wait, what?" He asked, not quiet understanding. He followed my footsteps. I knew that he needed to hear this, he deserved it. Rosalie kept this from him for half a century, I think he would be entitled to this.

"Sit down, Emmett, you'll need to." I told him before proceeding to sit on the concrete ground myself. It was still lunch time after all. We didn't walk too far from school but far enough that Alice or Jasper could hear, Edward hadn't returned to school yet. Much like the first time I came to Forks, when I was still a human. Maybe he when to that Tanya person... Not that it bothered me. "rose changed me. She bit me." I said slowly, "And I owe her my life." I then began to tell him exactly what I told Carlisle, about how she found me after Alice asked her to, how she fought Victoria for my humanity.. and lost.

"But wait, where is Victoria now?" asked Emmett after I told him everything and he had time to process.

I paused, surprised that I really never had thought about Victoria's whereabouts until now, "I guess she is somewhere licking her wounds but she is not one to give up, I suspect that she will be back. 'Mate for a mate' means until I am dead, I guess." I said rolling my eyes, trying to make light of the Victoria situation, I guess I had more problems that were a bit closer to home at that moment.

"Mate for a mate..." He said as if he was thinking through the words, "When you said mate, you mean you and Edward." He said slowly, trying to catch my expression. I'm sure he wasn't surprised at the reaction.

I closed my eyes suddenly, as if to block the sliver venom going down my face or the silent tears cries erupt from my mouth, "There is no me and Edward. There is me. Then there is _that_ waste of heartbreak." I said, even I could hear the sadness in my voice and the quivering of my words.

"Sure, Bella..." He said with a small grin, "So when are you two stop going to be all melodramatic and talk this out already. I want to see the showdown."

"Sure thing, partner." I said sardonically just before the Lunch bell rang, "I should go, you know I never did finish high school."

"Oh, that's bad-ass." He winked before grabbing my arms and giving me a hug. "Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. It's been too long since I hugged my little Bella."

"I know." I said, my tense body relaxing into his embrace, "I missed you too."

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**It was a bit choppy and changey.. Sorry. So, if you want the songs that really started if off. See below.**

**Possibility by Lykke Li, yes, it's on the New Moon soundtrack. But it's works for this.**

**Misguided Ghosts by Paramore.**

**Satellite Mind by Metric.**

**All I Wanted by Paramore.**

**Satellite Heart by Anya Marina.**

**That's it, I guess. Sorry again. Please review and scold me! I think I need a push every once in a while...**

**~YMCM**


	23. Hurt or Hate?

**How long has it been? Eh..**

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**Hurt or Hate?**

_**Bella PoV**_

"Rosalie," I sighed over the phone in my phone, "I said I don't want to talk about it...Yes, I know it concerns you, Emmett's your husband... Ask him about it then if you are so curious...Just talk to him... What do you mean he won't talk to you?... Don't you use that tone with me, Rosalie Lillian Hale!" The next thing I heard was the monotone sound of the phone being cut off. "Fine, be a bitch." I muttered under my breath.

After my chat with Emmett and our reconciliation, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulder, when I voiced that thought Rosalie reminded me that if I spoke to the others including a certain bronze-haired Adonis, then I would feel much better. The reply to that was not kind.

The doorbell rang echoing through my cold empty house signalling a person was at the door, "Rosalie," I called out as I walked slowly at a human's pace, towards the door, I hadn't heard anyone approach and there was no heartbeat; I concluded it would have to be Rosalie, "I told you to talk to Emmett, why are you bothering.." I trailed off as I opened the front door widely, "Holy..." The word blundered out of my mouth.

Golden honey blond hair man greeted me; crescent-shaped scars showered his face and neck. Fear gripped me completely as I looked at him. How many vampires had tried to kill this man?, my more innocent side asked. It was received a scoff, the vampire in me easily replied, _The same number that had died in the attempt. _

"So," Jasper greeted awkwardly in his Southern drawl rubbing his neck in nervousness, "how've you been, Bella?" He asked uncomfortably to me as he straightened up. The atmosphere around the house instantly seemed nervous. The house, I couldn't say it was my home anymore; it was so long since it felt warmth inside it, all that was left was a dark cool place waiting for life to involve it. Everything in the house was cold and emotionless after my apparent 'death' all I had left from this place was the memories of my father.

My eyes widened at his question, my voice coming off in a stammer, "J-Jasper! What are you doing here?" I asked before ushering him inside, closing the door behind him. What exactly would my over-nosey neighbours say if they see _one of the Cullens _so freely appear at my doorstep in the middle of the night? "Is everything okay? Is Alice okay? Rosalie? What happened?" I stuttered out, why would someone who I have been ignoring since I found them here suddenly voluntarily at my doorstep, someone who had tried to eat me the last time we interacted? This man had nerves to be in front of me, I had to commend him for that.

"Yeah, everything is good..." He said quietly his voiced didn't seem to believe his own words. I noticed how his scar-ridden face scrunched up ever so slightly before he madly shook his head, "No, of course everything isn't alright. It hasn't been for half a century." He rubbed his forehead, his voice more forceful before he glided towards the stairs. "Is it alright if I sit here?" He asked, Jasper seemed to be unsure of his own ability, whatever the reason it was he was in my house, asking to sit on my staircase. The only time I had ever seen Jasper doubt himself was when he, Alice and I were running to Arizona away from James and we were stuck together in that damned hotel room. _Of course he was doubting himself then, a young human girl was a thin doorway away from him and he was hungry, I'm surprised he didn't eat us all up then_, my less-forgiven side replied but not with malice.

"S-sure, sit where you like." I said with confusion evident in my voice before I sat down on one of the steps beside him, surprise took me to find out that we fit there, they were small stairs. He rubbed his head again, it seemed like he had something on his mind. But I had never seen Jasper so out of place before, never had I seen him so lost. Almost like a deer in the headlights. "Is there something you'd like to talk about, Jasper?" I tilted my head to the side, staring at his face for a second.

"Yes, there is." He said with a grim smile before silence reined the compact space on the stairs. Jasper heaved a sigh before all his words came out at once, "There is so much I want to tell you, to apologise for but I can't find the words to say now that I'm here. I had thought it all through, I knew what I was going to say but now that I'm in front of you, it's all gone. And the only reason I can think of is because I don't deserve your acceptance."

He sighed again before he went another silence, stifled in his own thoughts, I suppose. I just sat on the step looking forwards, staring at the door with great fascination. Never had a conversation gone so awkward between Jasper and I, not that we spoke freely much when I was human. _And when he was thirsty for our blood, _that annoying spiteful voice spoke out again.

"I used to get a good read on your intense emotions, you know." Jasper said after a while with a regretful sigh, "You always were full of emotion," He laughed one without humour, "It startled me a couple of times." I didn't know why he was bringing this up but now that we were actually speaking of something, I was glad.

"And there I thought I was good at controlling my emotions." I said with a bit of bite, looking forward at the door, frustration clouding my mind. Or was it the voice again?

I saw from the corner of my eye that he smirked, "Oh you are, but I was talking about your strongest feelings, like the type of feeling you get when you know without a doubt that you are feeling them. The two most common were; _Love_ and_ Fear_." Bitterness washed into my mind's frustration, _and look where all that Love and Fear got us, Bella?_ That voice mocked me, the words ran through my head after he said that.

The only thing I really ever loved was Edward and the only thing I ever really feared was Edward, or more so, Edward _leaving_. Yes well.

I turned to face him momentarily but looked away when I saw his concentrated gaze, "And now what is the empath in you getting from my emotions?" I felt my mouth quirk to the side as Jasper began staring into my eyes.

Noticing his confusing expression, he explained his findings "Well, it's almost as if you are feeling... _nothing_." He shook his head, my eyes flew to his scarred face, "No, there is something there but they buried deep within you. No, no, the feelings are underneath something else." His eyes widened as he processed out loud, "You feel cold inside, but I can feel something there. Is that hurt, Isabella? Or is it hatred?" The question startled me, Hurt or Hate? Hurt or Hate? What a profound question.

I looked him in the eye as I answered, "Both."I said strongly, leaving my answered at that.

Jasper, who looked shocked at my bluntness, cleared his throat, "Well, then it's time you speak to someone." _Oh great, he thinks we need a shrink, _spoke That Voice again.

"I speak to Rosalie."

"How about someone else lends you their ear? I'd like to, after all I have done to you, it is only right I try to make up it. Even if it takes a lifetime."

"I don't know.." I stalled.

Jasper's face twisted into one of sadness, "Please, Bella?" His eyes locked onto mine, swirling with hopefulness and pain.

I resisted, not wanting to share any of my thoughts. After all, if a ...certain mind-reader _-Oh so you can't say his name now?- _couldn't hear what I was thinking, why should anyone else but me? "I really don't think that would be a.."

"I want to help you, Bella, let me?"

"Okay, I will tell you what really happened to me, _but_ not because you own me anything. I just _want_ to tell you." I said stubbornly before relaying to him what had happened to me after they left and after I was changed, I'm sure I wasn't feeling '_nothing_' then. I knew he was calming me down whenever I spoke about my parent's deaths and seeing the Cullen's faces again, I was glad that he did. It made it easier to talk when there wasn't a weight pressing down on my torso all the time.

"_Rosalie?_ As in _Rosalie Hale_?" He sad disbelieving after I told him who exactly Changed me. "The person that wanted nothing to do with you?" I winced as he said it, despite its truth, -_Although, Jasper wasn't our biggest fan back then either- _I thought of all the trouble I caused the Cullens, what I still must be doing to them.

"Yes. She saved me from Victoria and has been with me every day since I've moved back to Forks. She is a lot nicer to me now that I'm an Immortal." I shrugged, a annoyed tone in my voice, "Maybe she feels the same guilt you do now or maybe she is only trying to make up for Changing me. And maybe Emmett is only trying to make up for my sadness.. And Alice, because we all know who_ really_ saved me on that cliff, is only trying to make up for her stupid brother and his stupidity. And lies. And deceit." My voice hardening and becoming loud as I ranted. With the last words I hit the wall beside me, making an unattractive dent. _–Oh yeah, we're totally getting over him_-

He nodded his head while he tried to process everything I told him.

"I have no smart answer to give you, I never was one for giving advice," I scoffed at this, the _Feelings Man_ couldn't give advice, that's like saying the _Music Man_ had the rhythmical talent of a lampshade, "Bella, I am not as good at the 'EmotionThing' as everyone gives me credit for. I can feel emotions, I can sympathy with emotions, _Hell,_ I can forcefully change on emotions with my mind but I cannot tell people how to _fix_ what their feeling properly or how they felt it. My manipulation of emotion is only temporary." He shook his head, "As I was saying, maybe you should just talk to Edward... Or scream your pretty little head off at him. He'd like that." He smiled cheekily at me. It seemed as if he were becoming in a better mood.

"I don't give a flying..." I clenched my jaw before reigning myself in, "I don't care what Edward would like. I have changed, quite literally, I am not the same meek Bella I was at the start of the century. I'm different now." I said with passion.

"You always have been different." Jasper stated, "Now those differences have been amplified through your Change. Despite what you may think, you'll always be the same person, the same Bella. You still love Edward, you still feel ridiculously inadequate towards him, you still are that ridiculously brave and stubborn girl _he_ fell in love with."

I grimaced at his words, "But that isn't true though. Edward isn't in love with me, he never has been. He knows that much himself." _–And if Edward was in love with us he would have rushed off to us once he saw us that day in school. Hell, he wouldn't have left us-_

"Are you disagreeing with my assessment of his feelings? Me, the Empath?" He quirked his eyebrow, "I have felt the love you both share many times. It's still there. Dulled because of your distance, but it is still there." He stopped before rethinking what he was about to say, "Now, Bella, I know it will take a very long time for you to truly forgive our family but... we have forever."

_That's what scares me. _The Human-Bella said inside my head, she was desperate to let her love for Edward out, to run back to his arms and forgive him, but she wasn't in charge anymore. Vampire-Bella had taken over and was not allowing Human-Bella to revolt. A clash was happening inside my brain. One side so absurdly for forgiving them, the other vehemently against it.

"So that is why I propose coming around home tonight." He smiled, "Clear the air with Alice and Edward. Let them know how you feel. Letting us suffer, like this is cruel. Even if we deserve anything you give us." And if that was not enough, he added, "Besides, Esme misses you."

"I-I can't do that!" I stammered the words out of my dry mouth. Whoever said vampires were perfect? _–Us. So many times.-_

"Bella," Jasper reassured me, "Trust me, you can!"

I scoffed angrily, "Trust you? Why is damnation's name would I do that for?" He knew what I was implying, I didn't even meant to say it I just thought the snarky comment up and I had to just say it out loud; hurting him more even though I knew how much pain he felt for what happened at my pointless eighteenth birthday.

"Bella, you don't know how sorry I am for that. No, for everything, after all, I am the cause of this heart-ache." He ducked his head in shame. I instantly felt terrible for what I had said to him. A burst of disgrace passed through as I thought back to all those times when I half-blamed Jasper for making them leave... I couldn't really truly blame him as it was my fault of course.

Closing my eyes, I admitted what I have been feeling for years out loud, "Jasper, I'm pretty sure my inability to open birthday presents was the cause." I laughed without humour once, "And the fact that Edward doesn't want me, or love me." I wrapped my arms around my stomach to hold in the seizures of pain until I was alone.

"But he does love you. More than I thought possible."

"Jasper, you all know _why_ Edward made you leave, why make this more difficult for me than it should be?" I looked up at him with a grim look in my eyes. "Why didn't you say goodbye, Jasper?" I choked out.

The scarred man beside me exhaled a breath, "It was the first time Edward really requested a thing of us. He always just went along with what we wanted or needed. He never asked us for anything. He kept to himself but you came along he seemed brighter, more... alive. When your birthday happened, he changed dramatically, it was horrifyingly clear that it was the end of our time in Forks. He forced us to go. You see, Edward had been there though everything. He knows things... He shamed us into it. I know that's a terrible thing it say but that basically what happened. He was desperate. We left messily, we didn't pack much. We ran, Bella."

"Yes, he was desperate to_**LEAVE**_**. **_**ME**_**.**" I sarcastically said clearly stating the words, "I got over it, Jasper. I really did. Now I see that it was shockingly obvious that he never loved me." I shook my head in disappointment. _-Liar-_

"I still don't understand." Jasper stated. "He never told us how he said to you that it was time for us to leave. He stayed behind to talk to you, which is the only thing I know about Edward's last day in Forks."

"Oh." Was my ingenious reply to all that. It explained how no one knew what I was going on about. -_He never told them! The Bastard!-_

"Bella, what _did _Edward tell you?" He asked me in a small voice. Jasper had never spoken for so long to me, the longest conversation Jasper and I had been in Phoenix when James, the sadistic vampire who had Victoria as his bitch, was chasing me.

A burst of self-assurance and honesty came upon me. Courtesy of Jasper Whitlock Hale, I guess. I breathed out and closed my eyes. This wasn't going to be easy. For some reason, it would be weird admitting it to Jasper. He made me calm and I was finally realizing the trust in which his gift was making me feel. "H-he said... that he..." I pushed my hands through my hair, "didn't want me, that I wasn't r-right for him..." my voice broke at the end of it the next thing I knew that Jasper was hugging me. _–Wait, what is he doing?-_ I knew that he was comforting me but Jasper didn't touch me. We weren't that familiar with each other. "I guess what he said was true, I always knew that it didn't make sense... him l-loving me!" I looked up at him; he looked confused and shocked by what I said.

"WHAT?" A furious high-pitched voice yelped from my outside my door. With a slam, the panes of stained glass smashed into sharp miniscule pieces from the impact of the door hitting the now-dented wall. I swivelled my head that had been looking at the past soldier to a very beautiful person with small, pixie-like features. A woman with unbearable grace, large eyes and cropped short, inky black locks; _Alice_...

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**Sorry. Sorry, so sorry. :'(**

**~YMCM**


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